Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being a bit upset neighbours didn’t invite us…

149 replies

NickD87 · 02/04/2023 19:34

We’re a pretty close knit community, everybody knows every body. Today we were doing some gardening and suddenly we realised our next door neighbours were having a party.

We get on well with them and everything. They aren’t there very often as they work away. We assumed the gathering was friends or something and carried on. But we eventually realised it was mostly people from the street.

We we’re a bit confused as we even heard people there that the neighbours are always slagging off to us etc!

Anyway, we popped out to get a Sunday roast.

As we’re coming back, there are people spilled into the street and we know literally 90% of them. They are all calling us over wanting to chat and asking where we have been and if we are coming in. Really awkward and rather than say “we weren’t invited” we said something fluffy like “maybe later”.

Another neighbour has just text asking where we are.

I know it’s a bit childish, and not sure I’d be up for it anyway, but we’ve clearly been purposefully excluded and we’re not entirely sure why. It hurts in a sort of playground way. Is it unreasonable to feel this way?

Also Uber awkward as we are best friend with a couple who always have them round - so we see them regularly there, and undoubtedly will in the next week or so. I feel like I might just start giving them the cold shoulder….again, probably unreasonable.

OP posts:
Greenshake · 02/04/2023 19:38

Tricky. I would ask someone there who I trusted to ask the host if you were coming over?

GoodChat · 02/04/2023 19:39

Was it definitely something planned and not a spontaneous get together?

FordCreek · 02/04/2023 19:40

Hmmm if they’re always slagging other neighbours off to you, can you really trust them anyway? Are you friendly or indifferent to the ones they slag off to you?

MsWhitworth · 02/04/2023 19:40

Crossed wires more likely than them leaving you out, based on what you’ve said. Give them the benefit of the doubt?

drpet49 · 02/04/2023 19:42

Why didn’t you just say you weren’t invited?

Bucketheadbucketbum · 02/04/2023 19:42

Are you sure you didn't miss an invite.somehow? If the situation is as you descirbw it's really really odd from.them. surely even if they don't love you it would be easier to invite you than to not and risk all the aquwardness etc.

MrsDoylesDoily · 02/04/2023 19:43

You're not as well liked by them as you think by the sound of it.

If they're slagging other neighbours off to you, you can guarantee they're slagging you off to other neighbours too.

Just be honest and tell everyone you weren't invited. There's nothing to be embarrassed about.

Your neighbours should be the ones who are embarrassed OP.

TimeForMeToF1y · 02/04/2023 19:43

Of course it's hurtful, is there any chance youve been invited but haven't got the message for some reason

Get own of friends to ask the hosts if they've upset you in some way as people are wondering why youve declined the invitation to attend. That will soon flush out if you've been invited

FictionalCharacter · 02/04/2023 19:43

I absolutely would say to anyone who asked "we weren't invited". Otherwise they'll assume you were, and that you're being weird and snubbing the host.

Turnipworkharder · 02/04/2023 19:43

drpet49 · 02/04/2023 19:42

Why didn’t you just say you weren’t invited?

Yes why not say this.

Why would you feel embarrassed to say the truth, your neighbours aren't embarrassed , and you live right next door.

Coffeellama · 02/04/2023 19:44

If they slag other neighbours off but have invited them round… you can assume they slag you off but are nice to your faces too. I’d just respond to people that you haven’t been invited, you’ve done nothing wrong it’s only the host that looks shitty here

Cosycover · 02/04/2023 19:45

I'd get my friend that was there to mention my name and see what the host said.

StephanieSuperpowers · 02/04/2023 19:49

The thing is, they're just people who happen to live next door. You don't all have to be besties. They are allowed to have people over and not ask you. Don't be weird about it. No need to expect anything or try to get mutual friends to see if they can find out what's going on.

This happens a lot. People get closer than they want to be to other people, ease them out etc. You're obviously not crazy about them either so I'd say accept that you're not their A list and let it go.

ThePoshUns · 02/04/2023 19:50

Agree that you should have just said you weren't invited.
Sounds like they are two faced and you are probably better off out of it. Ask someone to say to the hosts ' I thought OP would be here by now, shall I go and knock for them?'

topofbighill · 02/04/2023 19:52

It all sounds far too intimate. And like you say - play ground like.

Did you see the actual party throwers in all your coming and going?

Boringlocalnews · 02/04/2023 19:52

Might be a mix up, they may have thought they invited you. Obviously might not. But I would just say, sorry we weren’t invited. It happened to us a few years ago, lots of friends asking if we were going to Jack and Jill’s party. We weren’t invited, it became quite amusing tbh. The hostess rang me after to say lots of people had asked her why we weren’t there, and she said she had genuinely forgotten to ask us. Doesn’t really bother me if it’s true or not tbh.

NickD87 · 02/04/2023 19:55

topofbighill · 02/04/2023 19:52

It all sounds far too intimate. And like you say - play ground like.

Did you see the actual party throwers in all your coming and going?

No we didn’t see them. That would have been majorly awkward!

OP posts:
itsgettingweird · 02/04/2023 19:55

Yes I'd have replied

"We weren't invited. Hopefully we can catch up with you all soon".

That way it clears up that you absolutely would like to spend time with your neighbours that were invited and you aren't snubbing them.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/04/2023 19:56

Honestly, why do you care if they don't like you? You don't need them as friends, and the truth is that not everyone is going to like you. Just be "friendly" in passing, they can do what they want, you can do the same. Stay out of their way, hopefully they will stay out of yours. If they are actually slagging you off, you don't want their company anyway. It's totally unrealistic to think you're going to be great friends with all of your neighbours.

NickD87 · 02/04/2023 19:57

FictionalCharacter · 02/04/2023 19:43

I absolutely would say to anyone who asked "we weren't invited". Otherwise they'll assume you were, and that you're being weird and snubbing the host.

Very good point!
Think we just panicked.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/04/2023 19:58

NickD87 · 02/04/2023 19:55

No we didn’t see them. That would have been majorly awkward!

Why would it be awkward? I just don't get it. So you weren't invited, so what? Say hello, give a small wave and move on with your life.

nurseynursery · 02/04/2023 19:58

Reply to the friend that texted you that you weren't invited and didn't know about it.

Singularity82 · 02/04/2023 20:01

yanbu to feel left out. I agree, tell people you weren’t invited! The hist should feel awkward, not your!

NickD87 · 02/04/2023 20:03

Aquamarine1029 · 02/04/2023 19:58

Why would it be awkward? I just don't get it. So you weren't invited, so what? Say hello, give a small wave and move on with your life.

Awkward because we’re pretty much the only people in our street ‘grouping’ that hasn’t been invited. Bit awkward all round.

We are friendly too. We’ve gone out for dinners etc.

Clearly they‘ve decided that we’re not their type of people - and that’s cool. But just feels a bit playground.

I mean, if we threw a party and invited everyone who lived here, unless I really hated someone I wouldn’t purposefully leave someone out.

OP posts:
NickD87 · 02/04/2023 20:04

Singularity82 · 02/04/2023 20:01

yanbu to feel left out. I agree, tell people you weren’t invited! The hist should feel awkward, not your!

I mean, I might - but after the party is over. I don’t want the host to be asked any awkward questions. A party is a party after all!

OP posts: