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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being a bit upset neighbours didn’t invite us…

149 replies

NickD87 · 02/04/2023 19:34

We’re a pretty close knit community, everybody knows every body. Today we were doing some gardening and suddenly we realised our next door neighbours were having a party.

We get on well with them and everything. They aren’t there very often as they work away. We assumed the gathering was friends or something and carried on. But we eventually realised it was mostly people from the street.

We we’re a bit confused as we even heard people there that the neighbours are always slagging off to us etc!

Anyway, we popped out to get a Sunday roast.

As we’re coming back, there are people spilled into the street and we know literally 90% of them. They are all calling us over wanting to chat and asking where we have been and if we are coming in. Really awkward and rather than say “we weren’t invited” we said something fluffy like “maybe later”.

Another neighbour has just text asking where we are.

I know it’s a bit childish, and not sure I’d be up for it anyway, but we’ve clearly been purposefully excluded and we’re not entirely sure why. It hurts in a sort of playground way. Is it unreasonable to feel this way?

Also Uber awkward as we are best friend with a couple who always have them round - so we see them regularly there, and undoubtedly will in the next week or so. I feel like I might just start giving them the cold shoulder….again, probably unreasonable.

OP posts:
GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 02/04/2023 20:07

I would ask them. That's the grown up thing to do.

Singularity82 · 02/04/2023 20:08

I wouldn’t give a shit. It’s a situation of their own making IMO. So petty.

crispsnutsandcake · 02/04/2023 20:08

What you want is for someone who attended to ask you why you weren't there to which you reply "didn't get an invite"....then they go and ask your NDN why they didn't invite you. What can the hosts say? They should feel awkward not you! Seems mean of them. Be careful in future with them, they sound two faced.

Mirabai · 02/04/2023 20:09

You’re sure it was intentional? It could have been a mistake.

MohairTortoise · 02/04/2023 20:10

I would say I wasn't invited, but I'm inclined to think this is a simple misunderstanding where they honestly believed they had invited you and maybe forgot to send the invite.

PlantagenetEmbassy · 02/04/2023 20:11

Stop being a doormat and trying not to spoil their party and other silly things and just be honest with people that you weren't invited so you don't look like a twat to your other neighbours or you could find yourself not receiving other invites.

winterchills · 02/04/2023 20:11

Definitely tell anyone that asks you wasnt invited!! Let them explain it. Tbh i reckon its a misunderstanding and they did message you or whatever but it didnt send or something similar!

Justalittlebitduckling · 02/04/2023 20:12

It’s possible they just forgot to ask you? If you have a friend close enough who is there, you could ask them to ask the host?

JKTrolling · 02/04/2023 20:15

I’d have told people I wasn’t invited. Might as well make it awkward for the hosts and show them up.

readbooksdrinktea · 02/04/2023 20:16

JKTrolling · 02/04/2023 20:15

I’d have told people I wasn’t invited. Might as well make it awkward for the hosts and show them up.

Yeah, this. No reason you should feel embarrassed.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/04/2023 20:17

GordonShakespearedoesChristmas · 02/04/2023 20:07

I would ask them. That's the grown up thing to do.

Ask them? Fucking hell. As if these people owe the op an explanation?

StephanieSuperpowers · 02/04/2023 20:18

JKTrolling · 02/04/2023 20:15

I’d have told people I wasn’t invited. Might as well make it awkward for the hosts and show them up.

Why show them up though? Why embarrass them at their party? They are not obliged to ask the OP over if they're having people around.

Why humiliate yourself like that?

JKTrolling · 02/04/2023 20:20

StephanieSuperpowers · 02/04/2023 20:18

Why show them up though? Why embarrass them at their party? They are not obliged to ask the OP over if they're having people around.

Why humiliate yourself like that?

Why would they be embarrassed for not inviting op? They can invite whoever they want to THEIR OWN PARTY!!!

Ktime · 02/04/2023 20:20

I'd just limit interactions to hello and goodbye from now on. Don't show any interest in them and don't invite them over.

StephanieSuperpowers · 02/04/2023 20:21

JKTrolling · 02/04/2023 20:20

Why would they be embarrassed for not inviting op? They can invite whoever they want to THEIR OWN PARTY!!!

That's what I was saying, yeah.

5128gap · 02/04/2023 20:22

Either there's cross wires and you were accidentally not invited, or your neighbours are weird, toxic people, best avoided. Even if you're not their type, unless one of you is deeply offensive/obnoxious (which would be reflected in other people's behaviour towards you, so unlikely) to include you in a large gathering would make little difference to their night. To not invite you on the other hand, when the event is literally under your nose, is a deliberate snub.

Usernameneeded1 · 02/04/2023 20:23

Maybe they didn’t send official invites and just told people as they saw them and just hadn’t saw you? Maybe messaged a wrong number? Or just haven’t realised they haven’t invited you?
I would have to really dislike someone to invite all the neighbours and not them, even then I don’t think I could do it, and I’m pretty sure you would know if they disliked you that much. I’m going with crossed wires

readbooksdrinktea · 02/04/2023 20:24

Ktime · 02/04/2023 20:20

I'd just limit interactions to hello and goodbye from now on. Don't show any interest in them and don't invite them over.

Also this. I'd be stepping back massively. It's fine not to invite neighbours, sure, but I wouldn't be friendly after this. Polite and distant would be the way I'd go.

5128gap · 02/04/2023 20:29

JKTrolling · 02/04/2023 20:20

Why would they be embarrassed for not inviting op? They can invite whoever they want to THEIR OWN PARTY!!!

While that's true, most people abide by certain social conventions, one of which is to include those people in an event that it would be reasonable to be expected to include. A party for an extended family wouldn't typically exclude one sibling for no apparent reason. An office christmas party would not randomly exclude one of the sales team. The OP has described what sounds like a social group that she is part of. Her exclusion from an event for members of that group, seemingly apropos of nothing, is outside of most people's social norms. Most people would not do this.

JKTrolling · 02/04/2023 20:30

StephanieSuperpowers · 02/04/2023 20:21

That's what I was saying, yeah.

You said “Why embarrass them at their party?“ No?

I said why should they be embarrassed. Yeah?

Whichnumbers · 02/04/2023 20:31

as others have asked, why didn't you just say - oh we didn't know anything about the party, we didn't receive an invite

PollyAmour · 02/04/2023 20:32

Perhaps you were invited and missed the text/WhatsApp/whatever message or were inadvertently missed off the invitation list. I'd go round with a bottle of fizz and act like an invited guest instead of sulking at home. I bet you anything it's a genuine mistake and not a snub.

Hbh17 · 02/04/2023 20:36

This makes me so glad that I live in a street where neighbours don't socialise. The thought of everyone being "close knit" and knowing each other's business just fills me with horror.

MohairTortoise · 02/04/2023 20:37

Imagine if your neighbours believed they had invited you. Imagine this from their perspective then.
You're the only one who didnt show up, you didn't explain why you werent going and as another poster has suggested upthread, the next time you see them, you step back, remain polite but distant and don't invite them to yours again.

All over a misunderstanding.

You really need to discover whether they deliberately left you out before you decide how to proceed from here.

Giletjaune · 02/04/2023 20:41

Don’t be taking in their parcels or putting out their recycling if they’re on holiday!

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