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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being a bit upset neighbours didn’t invite us…

149 replies

NickD87 · 02/04/2023 19:34

We’re a pretty close knit community, everybody knows every body. Today we were doing some gardening and suddenly we realised our next door neighbours were having a party.

We get on well with them and everything. They aren’t there very often as they work away. We assumed the gathering was friends or something and carried on. But we eventually realised it was mostly people from the street.

We we’re a bit confused as we even heard people there that the neighbours are always slagging off to us etc!

Anyway, we popped out to get a Sunday roast.

As we’re coming back, there are people spilled into the street and we know literally 90% of them. They are all calling us over wanting to chat and asking where we have been and if we are coming in. Really awkward and rather than say “we weren’t invited” we said something fluffy like “maybe later”.

Another neighbour has just text asking where we are.

I know it’s a bit childish, and not sure I’d be up for it anyway, but we’ve clearly been purposefully excluded and we’re not entirely sure why. It hurts in a sort of playground way. Is it unreasonable to feel this way?

Also Uber awkward as we are best friend with a couple who always have them round - so we see them regularly there, and undoubtedly will in the next week or so. I feel like I might just start giving them the cold shoulder….again, probably unreasonable.

OP posts:
user1492757084 · 03/04/2023 02:57

Don't feel like you've been left out.
Don't be anything other than nice and neighbourly.
There is no rule that says the neighbour has to invite another to their place.

You are right to feel uncomfortable. Put it down to a learning episode and it will help you not make another person feel that way unless you have to.
Possibly it has been an honest over sight.

Bucketheadbucketbum · 03/04/2023 06:14

Keep us updated OP!

Jackiebrambles · 03/04/2023 08:04

QuestionsFromThePublic · 03/04/2023 00:27

Best revenge is to live well. Your neighbours sound tedious and unkind. I would keep it breezy with them and socialise with your own friends.

Ignore them.

I like this - so true. @NickD87 I would be hurt too, something similar happened to me years ago. My street is quite close knit and I made friends with some of the other women on the street, I then saw that my neighbour had invited the others round for drinks and not me. I could see them all in the garden! That was a lesson for me in ‘neighbours not friends’. I hope they all have hangovers today!! 🤣

Ariela · 03/04/2023 08:37

JenniferBarkley · 02/04/2023 20:56

I'm betting there's a neighborhood WhatsApp group that no one has realised you aren't in. Easily done, once these things are set up people tend not to check the member list, and there's usually a few dominant characters so you not posting wouldn't be missed iykwim.

If there's been no hint of an issue before I'd assume it's a fuck up rather than bitchiness.

This. The lady that started our village one is mega busy and I spotted she'd not added a couple that moved in about a year ago recently. Yet I have her acknowledgment that she'd added them when I sent in their details. It's taken me a year to notice..

JuneBridie · 03/04/2023 09:14

Agree with pp’s that this is a power play.

The MO is usually love bombing to begin with “oh you guys are brilliant/let’s be friends/you’re so much more fun than all the other losers round here”

fast forward a couple of months and you start to notice the invitations drying up/side eye when you’re in their company, another shiny new couple has usurped you

people like this always need somebody to be “on the outs”, unfortunately this week you’re it.

They’ve done you a favour, avoid them and observe their nonsense from a safe distance.

GoodChat · 03/04/2023 09:16

@Ariela you can add them yourself

Ariela · 03/04/2023 09:24

GoodChat · 03/04/2023 09:16

@Ariela you can add them yourself

I tried and couldn't, as she started the group not me, but might be my phone

JenniferBarkley · 03/04/2023 09:41

Ariela · 03/04/2023 09:24

I tried and couldn't, as she started the group not me, but might be my phone

Think it depends on the group admin settings.

Timebomb1 · 03/04/2023 18:23

This definitely sounds like a couple on my street! All charm and sophistication.. but will suddenly exclude people from their social events without an explanation and then gaslight about them to everyone else! The rejected ones have no idea what's happening or what's been said about them! Horrible people, very narcissistic and best avoided at all costs.. hope this isn't the case for you!

Thegoodbadandugly · 03/04/2023 18:25

We have a next door neighbour that slags people off,.my thoughts are if he slags everyone else off he will be slagging us off, not people you really want to be involved with. Our next door neighbour even slags his mum off after she spent hundreds of his new baby. His mum is not speaking to me because of whatever bullshit he has fed her. Honestly your best out of it.

Evan456 · 03/04/2023 18:42

Maybe they thought they had?

Feraldogmum · 03/04/2023 18:43

Possibly they realised that they’ve said far too many unpleasant things about others and are bricking it you will say something , easier to exclude one person than the whole neighbourhood . They sound a bit unpleasant to me and on a bit of a power trip, don’t take the bait,next time you see them just smile and say you hope they had a nice time and walk on.
If you’re best friends with someone who sees them regularly,just say you thought it a bit odd you were excluded and leave it at that, if you’re that close and they know something they’ll tell you. Of course if you wanted to be truly petty, throw a do and exclude them, then just be coy when folk ask why they were not invited, pretend you’re being tactful and say “well they’re not really for us, all things considered.”

Missingpop · 03/04/2023 18:43

Are you sure they’ve snubbed you? You’ve not missed a casual invite? It’s easily done; if you’ve not been invited just tell your friend sorry we weren’t invited so it’s not appropriate for us to just walk in; chances are they’ve simply just over looked you by mistake & will be mortified by their error.

cherish123 · 03/04/2023 18:51

I would feel.a bit miffed but just forget about. They are not close friends.

SambelinaSP · 03/04/2023 18:54

I would speak to them and be honest. Say it may seem silly but you’re feeling hurt you weren’t invited and ask if you’ve done something to upset them, given a number of other people from the street were there. You can then get a better understanding, they may have simply just forgotten to invite you or you will the opportunity to discuss anything that may come up.

CuriousMama · 03/04/2023 19:03

You sound well rid. They're awful anyway slagging everyone off. They'll be doing it about you. Saddos.

AllyArty · 03/04/2023 19:10

That’s a rotten thing for them to do. If I were you I would pleasantly tell anyone that asks u why u weren’t at the ‘party’ that you were not invited and ur not sure why. Be pleasant but a bit distant with the party hosts and just smile through it. Word will get around that ur clueless as to why you weren’t invited and that won’t show the party hosts in a good light.

Atsocta · 03/04/2023 19:21

All sounds avoidable and a missable situation to me, ..
better off out of the neighbourhood click,..

Minniliscious · 03/04/2023 19:27

This exact thing happened to us last summer. We were really close (or so I thought we were) to our neighbours either side of us. We’re still close to those on the right but the ones on the left threw a big summer party. We came home from a day out to enjoy a wine in the garden and heard them all. Being nosy, I went and looked out of the bedroom window to see that they had erected a gazebo, hired magicians and a DJ and invited most of our close! Being immature and a bit drunk, I instructed my husband to play ultra loud music over theirs - I still cringe now 😬 but nothing was ever said and they avoided us for months after that.

HappyValet · 03/04/2023 19:44

Yeah I remember a neighbour saying to me once 'I can't believe X and Y didn't invite you to the street Christmas party! So rude. I wouldn have invited you if it was my turn to host'

It was our first or second Christmas in the street, and we had been blissfully unaware of any street Christmas parties until that point. It stung like hell that it had never come up before and that we hadn't been invited. Never mind.

Dibbydoos · 03/04/2023 19:44

Happened to us and the neighbour our friend asked to let us know forgot....

Jack80 · 03/04/2023 19:45

I would have just said no I think they forgot to invite us

HappyValet · 03/04/2023 19:45

*Would have not wouldn have.

Oh for an edit button...

mozzierella · 03/04/2023 19:50

Bit bizarre given you are next door. You couldn't have failed to notice

Not a good move to deliberately offend and alienate next door neighbours

HappyMe6 · 03/04/2023 19:52

I’d have been honest and told them you weren’t invited! Why didn’t you say that?, but if they slag some of the neighbours off to you, but still invite them then you can bet your bottom dollar, they slag you off too, I’d be pleased I wasn’t invited quite frankly

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