Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little miserable

449 replies

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:27

We are supposed to be flying out this afternoon on a big family holiday. First big holiday since our plans were cancelled in April 2020 - and with us both working in the NHS we could do with the break

Unfortunately DP has started with a migraine this morning. Happens once every few months. Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it. Doesn’t look like we can fly today - and no flights tomorrow

Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

OP posts:
FeelingwearyFeeelingsmall · 02/04/2023 10:11

Go on holiday. You can't let one persons ill health put the whole family's life on hold.

kindlyensure · 02/04/2023 10:11

Ok, havent rt whole t so apologies if I am repeating, but... I would be the wife in this situation. Same frequency of migraines which aren't really controlled by drugs and also completely debilitating.

SO what I would want you to do in this situation is to treat me as if I was physically immobile. That is, you and the kids get everything ready, then at the appointed time you roll me into the car (with drugs, full fat coke, eye mask and sick bag. Don't talk. Don't ask me anything, just do it. If you were expecting to use public transport to the airport, don't. Order a taxi now.).

At the airport, send the kids ahead to fetch a wheelchair. Load me in it. Treat me as luggage - do not involve me in any decisions, just cart me from a to b. Migraines are a numbers game and every hour is an hour closer to when it will subside. For me that is usually about 8 hours. So by the time you get to the airport you will probably already be 5 hours in?

It will be grim and it will be difficult but it can be done. But you have to be eyes and ears at every step of the way.

Whirlwinder · 02/04/2023 10:12

If she has to stay behind can you get a friend / relative to look after her?

Whirlwinder · 02/04/2023 10:13

kindlyensure · 02/04/2023 10:11

Ok, havent rt whole t so apologies if I am repeating, but... I would be the wife in this situation. Same frequency of migraines which aren't really controlled by drugs and also completely debilitating.

SO what I would want you to do in this situation is to treat me as if I was physically immobile. That is, you and the kids get everything ready, then at the appointed time you roll me into the car (with drugs, full fat coke, eye mask and sick bag. Don't talk. Don't ask me anything, just do it. If you were expecting to use public transport to the airport, don't. Order a taxi now.).

At the airport, send the kids ahead to fetch a wheelchair. Load me in it. Treat me as luggage - do not involve me in any decisions, just cart me from a to b. Migraines are a numbers game and every hour is an hour closer to when it will subside. For me that is usually about 8 hours. So by the time you get to the airport you will probably already be 5 hours in?

It will be grim and it will be difficult but it can be done. But you have to be eyes and ears at every step of the way.

This!!

TheGoogleMum · 02/04/2023 10:13

As a migraine sufferer I do sympathise but I think I'd still make myself go even feeling awful as it seems a shame to lose the holiday over it. Just keep dosed up on painkillers and hope eventually they work. If she gets such awful migraines it might be worth seeing GP to get medication to manage it better in future - I have rizatriptan which usually makes the migraines go away or at least more bearable.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 02/04/2023 10:14

What would happen if you were at the other end and they got a migraine. Would they have to remain behind in a foreign country or tough it out.

If l travel overnight l tend to get sick for some reason. I had to get home on a specific flight. I had a vom bag and spent a long time in Rome airport loos. But l made it home. Even though l was sick on the plane with a blinding headache,

Whirlwinder · 02/04/2023 10:15

I really hope these guys are on their way!

Greensleevevssnotnose · 02/04/2023 10:16

I don't understand why you can't go in holiday? Get a cab to the airport get in the plane what's the problem?

glasshole · 02/04/2023 10:17

I would be DEVASTATED if my husband and kids had to miss going on holiday as I was I'll. in fact it wouldn't happen, I'd be insisting they go anyway as it's much easier to rebook one flight later in the week than it is to rebook 4-5 flights during peak period.

I'm sorry but your OH is incredibly selfish for expecting such huge plans to change for a migraine.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 02/04/2023 10:18

@kindlyensure agree, this is what OP should do

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 10:20

How is going alone a ‘kick in the teeth?’ You take the kids ahead, she gets time to recover in peace, she joins you as soon as she can get a flight. To me it seems like the only answer.

Newyearnewhome · 02/04/2023 10:21

I get migraines- they are awful.

Id be gutted if my whole family missed out and I’d be urging you all to go.

have you discussed the possibility with your wife?

Id also do everything possible to get on that flight. If the house was burning down she’d get out of the house.

Get a taxi straight to airport ( order two so she can lie down in the back)

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/04/2023 10:22

See if you can get wheelchair assist. It needs to be booked normally. But it there is anyone else on the plane going, who needs assistance, you may be able to tag on. Otherwise ask if you can push her all the way and the teens take the cases.

I would want dh to go without me. I am disabled and chronically ill so have wheelchair assist anyway. I have had terrible migraines in the past and would do whatever to make it.

Bikeybikeface · 02/04/2023 10:25

As a migraine sufferer (really bad type) there’s no way I would let it hold me back from a massive family holiday. Personally I would suck it up until it passes but everyone is different.
I definitely wouldn’t stop my family from going without me either. Unless you can afford to lose money and you can rebook for next school hols?

I was determined last year that we would still be able to go on our family holiday the week after I’d been in an accident. The drugs were clouding my judgement a little thought as a) I was in hospital still and b) I had a brain injury, fractured ribs, arm, nerve damage, pneumonia and a pneumothorax. I was furious with my OH for cancelling it 😆

TheEverlovingFork · 02/04/2023 10:26

Why isn't she suggesting you go? Are you feeling pressured to stay and have the kids miss out because of your own guilt about it or is she putting pressure on you all to stay because of her migraine.

FluffySlippers23 · 02/04/2023 10:26

Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

^

OP, your wife hasn't actually said you can't / shouldn't go with out her has she? You still haven't answered if you want to go without her or not.

I'm reading this situation as OP has decided not to go because his wife can't travel due to a migraine. And yes I do think that the vast majority of mums would take the kids solo if the dads couldn't travel that day.
^
OP - you do need to ' Snap out of it' and find a solution to get you on Holiday!
^
Instead of wasting time on MN, make a plan, get her some strong drugs and make sure her journey is as stress free as possible! You need to make sure all she has to do is sit in the car, be guided through the airport and sit on the plane. You need to take care of everything else, so once this passes you'll all be able to have a fantastic holiday.

Good luck!^

Queenofscones · 02/04/2023 10:27

Take the children and go. If I was in your partner's situation I'd want you to go and have a good time and not waste all that money. She can stay in touch throughout with Face Time and Zoom etc and she can join you asap.

I doubt whether a migraine would mean that you can claim thousands back. No way of proving you have a migraine and millions of people would use it as an excuse when they changed their minds about a holiday. Did she declare that she had migraines on the insurance policy.

Go. It's only a migraine, she's not desperately sick (sorry migraine sufferers, I know how awful it is but it's not deadly). Don't disappoint your children. Go and have a lovely time.

Namechange1345677 · 02/04/2023 10:27

GO WITHOUT HER. ITS THAT SIMPLE

FluffySlippers23 · 02/04/2023 10:28

glasshole · 02/04/2023 10:17

I would be DEVASTATED if my husband and kids had to miss going on holiday as I was I'll. in fact it wouldn't happen, I'd be insisting they go anyway as it's much easier to rebook one flight later in the week than it is to rebook 4-5 flights during peak period.

I'm sorry but your OH is incredibly selfish for expecting such huge plans to change for a migraine.

I don't think the OP's wife has actually said he can't go.

billy1966 · 02/04/2023 10:33

In a similar situation there is no way I would want my husband and children to miss this holiday.

The migraine is unfortunate for sure but IMO it would be spectacularly selfish for the rest of the family to miss out for someone who has to rest for days.

I think the children need to be put first.

As for being told to snap out of it?

Hard to believe.

If they are so unwell, it is hard to believe they are able to converse.

My son suffered with bad migraine for a few years and they were incapable of any real conversation.

Cans of coke from a tin helped a bit at the very beginning as the aura was appearing.

kindlyensure · 02/04/2023 10:33

And no, you're not allowed to wallow - not helpful At All. Stop being 'pissed off' and start being proactive - take care of everyone, don't involve her in your sulking. Be the solution. (You sound quite hard work tbh).

Baabaa75 · 02/04/2023 10:33

Go and he'll have to follow when he can, one person is more likely to get a cancellation than all of you. I bet he'd get a flight tomorrow. Can't believe he's not suggested it, why would you all miss out?

ConstanceOcean · 02/04/2023 10:34

Go without her.

If I was your DP I would be telling you to all go and that I’ll find a way to get there when I feel better.

I get why you’re feeling guilty but you would be doing this for your kids, not just you.

I don’t actually have migraines so I’m probably being very ignorant but I do work with someone who has them very bad and they come on completely randomly and suddenly.
When we are on a day trip out or on a bus/taxi they do not have the option to lie down in a dark room.
They have their pain relief and need to get back to the transport we came on. They put their jumper over their head for the journey, have sick bags and then their parents pick them up once we get back to school.
Sometimes it can be 2/3 hours before they’re able to get home.

If I was your wife I would continue what she’s doing and get you to do everything and then at the last minute get up and try and go.
If she can’t then you all go on ahead.

Silverbook · 02/04/2023 10:36

Assuming your partner is just going to sleep at home, can they not do that on the plane? If you know it’s definitely a migraine I’d do one of two things

  1. they ride it out on the flight.
  2. go without them

Harsh but true.

Snugglemonkey · 02/04/2023 10:36

Amandasummers · 02/04/2023 08:34

i don’t mean to lack sympathy but missing a holiday for a migraine is batshit. Making your family miss one because of it is even worse. Tell him he needs to bloody “snap out of it” ffs.

Definitely this. No way would I consider staying.