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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little miserable

449 replies

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:27

We are supposed to be flying out this afternoon on a big family holiday. First big holiday since our plans were cancelled in April 2020 - and with us both working in the NHS we could do with the break

Unfortunately DP has started with a migraine this morning. Happens once every few months. Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it. Doesn’t look like we can fly today - and no flights tomorrow

Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

OP posts:
Beachwalker66 · 02/04/2023 09:57

I don’t understand why you can’t take the kids without her? So you all miss out because she can’t travel today?

Surely she just flies out when she’s recovered? And why wouldn’t you be insured?

DarkDarkNight · 02/04/2023 09:57

mygoodies I’ve never seen a GP for migraines either, but will add some sumatriptan to my handbag. I’ve found pink migraleve work for me most of the time, and if they didn’t it’s a sleep it off and hopefully wake feeling better.

ncedforthisone · 02/04/2023 09:58

You and your kids all deserve a holiday, whatever this holiday was supposed to represent. My relationship is currently going through a tough time, but there is no way, in your partner's position, I would want my kids and partner to miss out on a holiday.

Just the loss of money and the kids' disappointment would bother me tremendously in her position. If it were just you (or it was your honeymoon or so), I could understand perhaps not traveling ahead, but with children involved? It is not like you purposefully orchestrated to leave her out.

Time4achangeagain · 02/04/2023 09:59

Totally unfair on your teenagers if you and they don’t go today. Makes no sense for you all to stay behind. And 4 extra flights certainly wouldn’t be covered by insurance even if 1 was.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 02/04/2023 09:59

@Changingplace I thought that the OP's wife is making an excuse to not go. She only gets them 4 times a year. Funny that the migraine should happen right on the night before the flight

TheMoth · 02/04/2023 09:59

At least with a migraine, you know it will definitely end. I can't see with mine. I can't speak sometimes either. If I'd paid that much for a holiday, I'd just let myself be led round the airport and curl up wherever I could. At least I'd know I could just sit and do fuck all on the plane and everyone else could organise for me.

I've had to teach through mine before now, when they've landed mid lesson, or stay in work late, until i can see well enough to drive home. That's not fun.

BeautifulWar · 02/04/2023 10:01

No indirect flights could take? Or what if you looked at a different departure airport? Even somewhere else within the UK would be better then missing your holiday?

RisingSunn · 02/04/2023 10:01

OP please go ahead and take the kids. As a wife and mum - I would be urging you all to go ahead!! I’d figure a way to catch up once feeling better. Or just drag myself along as long I didn’t have to ‘do’ anything.

I wouldn't in any way expect my family to stay back - and then complain that they are upset about it!

CleaningOutMyCloset · 02/04/2023 10:01

I'm a migraine sufferer and I completely sympathise with your dh, but I'd be telling you to go with the dc and I'd catch you up. No point you staying, I doubt your travel insurance would cover you and the dc, only him. He's being exceptionally selfish to expect you to stay and mop his brow

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 02/04/2023 10:01

OP, pack your bags and get the kids. Its 10 am if you are in london, UK, you should go!! Don't waste your holiday. Your kids will be so upset.
Sorry but I think your wife is faking it. I do apologise if shes not. Either way, go and make memories with your kids. your wife can follow later if she wants/can

Whirlwinder · 02/04/2023 10:02

Get on the plane

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 02/04/2023 10:03

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 02/04/2023 09:59

@Changingplace I thought that the OP's wife is making an excuse to not go. She only gets them 4 times a year. Funny that the migraine should happen right on the night before the flight

Not really - stress is a migraine trigger and some people get very stressed about preparing for a holiday or get put under extra pressure at work before annual leave. It doesn't mean she doesn't want to go.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 02/04/2023 10:03

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 02/04/2023 09:42

Be miserable once you've explored every possibility and got nowhere: til then you do need to snap out of it a bit (sorry!) to figure out the practicalities of making it happen. I had a very long planned, important holiday cancelled at the last minute and I went into action mode to salvage the best outcome I could - which ended up working out well, if not quite as perfect as the one I imagined and looked forward to for so long. You can't really wallow in it until you've done everything to sort the situation you're in - accept it's not going to be what you thought but make something happen whether it's rebooking for later, staggering arrivals or finding a way for you all to travel today.

Show quote history

This! Don’t give up yet. You should look at options and discuss them with partner.

dammiejodger · 02/04/2023 10:04

If I had a migraine I'd be calling a taxi for you all and relish being able to deal with the migraine alone. She is BVU.

Schnooze · 02/04/2023 10:04

Apart from the couple of days she’ll be at home, this could still work out as your celebration holiday. It will be bugger all celebration if you don’t go without her - and if I was your kid I’d resent you for it. Just go. She can catch up later for the price of one ticket, even if it means a connecting flight.

PuddlesPityParty · 02/04/2023 10:05

gamerchick · 02/04/2023 08:34

I have a feeling once he realises he's being left behind he'll suddenly feel much better tbh.

Horrible. I bet you’ve never had a proper migraine, they’re not just headaches.

Whirlwinder · 02/04/2023 10:06

I’ve never head a migraine so can’t quite sympathise but between yourself and two teens and can you not get her on a plane? In a taxi? Pay for a lounge at the airport? Surely one of you can do bags and two of you look after DP just to get her in the plane?

latetothefisting · 02/04/2023 10:06

I'm with everyone else
I have no idea why it would be a "kick in the teeth" for you and dc to go a few days earlier and dp to come when she's better.
It will still be a big family holiday just one she misses a day or two of.

The travel insurance might pay out for your wife to rebook her ticket due to her migraine but is far less likely to pay out for all of you needing to rebook - because the expectation is that the rest of you would go!

So basically you are choosing to either shell out a huge whack of money to rebook tickets for all of you (if you can ever get them late notice) which could be better spent on "the family" if the purpose of the holiday is to bring the family together again -stressing about how you are going to make ends meeting after paying out twice for a holiday isn't exactly going to improve a relationship. Or choosing to not go on the holiday at all (and possibly losing everything you've paid) which again will (has already!) started causing resentment and arguments.

You haven't said whether it's you or dp who is against the "you go ahead and she catches up" idea.

Tryphenia · 02/04/2023 10:06

I get migraines. They are debilitating and miserable. They are also not a reason why anyone should miss a holiday on my behalf, however special.

pettysquabbles · 02/04/2023 10:07

Antiquiteas · 02/04/2023 09:02

He needs a triptan. You can get them over the counter. And then you can travel as normal.

OP has already said his partner missed the window for a tripan to be effective.

PuddlesPityParty · 02/04/2023 10:08

I get bad migraines OP, and I would be so upset if it stopped my family from going on holiday! If I were you I would fly out with your kids, and then your wife can follow you. It’ll be easier to get one seat on a plane than a whole family.

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 02/04/2023 10:08

@ProbablyNotAGoodIdea I didnt know that. I get migraines with aura and feel awful. They seem to come up suddenly. But still plow through as need to work :( .
Appreciate everyone's symptoms are different. And everyone copes differently.
I was probably reading too much into what the OP has said. They did have issues and difficult times etc...thought maybe his wife is just not wanting to go.

Wobblyheart · 02/04/2023 10:09

OP, FWIW I would not go on holiday without my partner, sounds like you are a caring partner to him. And yes it sucks that you could not go, big time. Hopefully, he only said to snap out because he is in pain and just can't quite see clearly at the mo. Hope you get to go on a different holiday soon

gamerchick · 02/04/2023 10:09

PuddlesPityParty · 02/04/2023 10:05

Horrible. I bet you’ve never had a proper migraine, they’re not just headaches.

Show quote history

I have certainly had proper migraines, puking into buckets. If I couldn't face travelling I wouldn't cancel an entire holiday for the whole family to pander to it neither though.

But being left behind is a great motivator to see where strength can be pulled from.

If this thread is real like.

Kidsandcat · 02/04/2023 10:09

Yanbu in feeling upset, i would too. She can't help being ill but it's gutting. I get why you won't travel till she's better. I think the suggestion of you all leaving as planned would have to come from her.