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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little miserable

449 replies

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:27

We are supposed to be flying out this afternoon on a big family holiday. First big holiday since our plans were cancelled in April 2020 - and with us both working in the NHS we could do with the break

Unfortunately DP has started with a migraine this morning. Happens once every few months. Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it. Doesn’t look like we can fly today - and no flights tomorrow

Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

OP posts:
CountZacular · 02/04/2023 12:34

Who is everyone? Other than one or two comments (and that wouldn’t be unusual if it was a woman poster), the majority of posters are saying the same thing - to go.

I’m really fed up with these ‘sexes reversed’ posters turning up everywhere and not actually reading the comments.

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 02/04/2023 12:36

There are far more posts critical of the wife than the OP, and virtually every post offers pretty much exactly the same advice as you did. You really aren't proving your assertion, @Auliza

CountZacular · 02/04/2023 12:36

Auliza · 02/04/2023 12:33

Messages then started to become that he was not going because he expected his wife to be doing the childcare on holiday whilst he enjoys..

Like it or not, men do get a hammering on here unfairly. Not by everyone but there’s plenty.

One message. One. Don’t be so disingenuous.

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 02/04/2023 12:38

Also, if you have ever read a thread on AIBU posted by a woman, you will know that every reply is most decidedly NOT in support of the poster. Everyone gets torn apart on here, male and female alike!

raincamepouringdown · 02/04/2023 12:43

You should have gone with the teenagers and hoped she could catch a later flight. While insurance might cover her missing the trip, it likely won't cover the rest of you.

emptythelitterbox · 02/04/2023 12:55

Just go you and the kids. She can come when she feels better.

Then again, she may wish to stay home and do her own thing.

I might do that(stay home, with or without a migraine) for a holiday my partner planned but it wasn't really something I wanted to do but went along with it.

For those saying for her to just get on the plane as it's just sitting, you seemed to have forgotten about the parts that involve getting ready, getting to the airport, navigating airport, customs, security, etc. No way I could do any of that with a migraine. With a legit migraine, I'm lucky to go from bed to the toilet. The lights, noise, walking, etc. at an airport, impossible.

Thoughtful2355 · 02/04/2023 13:10

I get migraines, cant imagine id miss a flight/holiday for it though :S sorry that sounds batshit

Mirabai · 02/04/2023 13:12

I’ve done long haul with migraines - you put your dark glasses on and take your sick bag. Once you’re on the plane you get your eye mask on and relax. It’s just pain and nausea she’s not dying.

It’s certainly not something to ruin a family holiday over.

majesticminimilk · 02/04/2023 13:14

You go with the kids and your partner comes later.

Why would you give yourself the problem of 4 flights to reschedule over Easter rather than 1 ??

WinterDeWinter · 02/04/2023 13:26

This is nuts. Go with the kids!

Mirabai · 02/04/2023 13:30

Alternative to otc triptans is Migraleve with codeine + paracetamol + anti nausea drug.

BadlydoneHelen · 02/04/2023 13:34

I've always found migaleve completely useless for a true migraine

RosesAndHellebores · 02/04/2023 13:36

Thankfully I haven't had a migraine for more than 25 years but suffered from about age 11 to about 25 regularly. They then calmed down.

I think migraine on here is being minimised. Mine lasted for about 12 hours, starting with an aura. The pain was splitting and accompanied by nausea. I could only lie down in a darkened room. I could not have travelled and most certainly could not have dealt with and airport.

However, even in the 70s drugs were available to break their cycle and by the late 90s there were powerful painkillers for them available.

If your DW regularly suffers this shoukd have been medically dealt with. If she is deemed medically unfit to fly insurance should cover it. If insurance doesn't cover it, it will have to be sucked up and DW needs to follow.

It's all utterly tiresome, but organisation could have avoided this.

BadlydoneHelen · 02/04/2023 13:36

High dose soluble aspirin is a better choice for me- soluble so it has a chance of being absorbed as digestion systems tend to shut down during a migraine so tablets sit in the stomach

Mirabai · 02/04/2023 13:38

BadlydoneHelen · 02/04/2023 13:34

I've always found migaleve completely useless for a true migraine

I find it can kill the pain a bit if you can keep it down.

Mirabai · 02/04/2023 13:39

Aspirin makes me vomit for some reason. So I can’t take it.

Peachy2005 · 02/04/2023 13:55

YABU not to go ahead with the teenagers so as not to waste the whole cost of the holiday.

Your DP could then either take a later flight or decide she doesn’t join you…she can decide when she’s feeling better. Would she not prefer that you guys went on ahead?

furryfrontbottom · 02/04/2023 13:56

You are allowed to be a bit miserable, yes, but there is no reason why you can't go on ahead, take the children and hope your partner will be able to join you later. Giving up on the whole trip would be daft.

Thindog · 02/04/2023 14:00

A full blown migraine is horrendous. You feel like you are dying then you wish you had! No way can I even get to the toilet without projectile vomiting, when at the worst!. People who think you can just suck it up and soldier on really have not the faintest idea. There are effective triptan medications that can stop it, and some of these can be prescribed as a melt for under the tongue or to squirt up the nose, helping to avoid the stomach.But if I were you I would go on holiday and let my partner follow.

MedievalMadness · 02/04/2023 14:00

Has your DW actually said she doesn’t want the rest of you to go? If so I think that’s really unfair. It’s a migraine and will pass in a while. She not had surgery or got some vile virus where she needs properly looking after. A quiet lie down in a darkened room and she will be ok in a day or so.

I’ve not had migraines but the person I know who gets them is unable to do anything but take medication and go to bed till the worst has passed. She is a tough cookie and doesn’t often cancel anything or take to her bed, but I know she would be totally unable to leave the house while she was in the throes of one.

I think the majority of people wouldn’t want the rest of their family to miss out on a holiday in this situation unless there’s something else going on that is contributing to them wanting/needing you all at home.

MsDastardley · 02/04/2023 14:01

I’m no expert but did you get specialist insurance, mention that partner suffered from migrain when you took out insurance? If not there’s a chance they wont pay out due to it being an existing undeclared medical condition.

Personyouneedisnannymcphee · 02/04/2023 14:07

Surely this isn’t about what hurts her feelings or your guilt about leaving her and is about the kids? Take them. Would your wife really want her children to lose out

Mirabai · 02/04/2023 14:10

Thindog · 02/04/2023 14:00

A full blown migraine is horrendous. You feel like you are dying then you wish you had! No way can I even get to the toilet without projectile vomiting, when at the worst!. People who think you can just suck it up and soldier on really have not the faintest idea. There are effective triptan medications that can stop it, and some of these can be prescribed as a melt for under the tongue or to squirt up the nose, helping to avoid the stomach.But if I were you I would go on holiday and let my partner follow.

DFOD. How dare you tell people they “don’t have any idea”.

QuizzlyBears · 02/04/2023 14:17

Mirabai · 02/04/2023 13:12

I’ve done long haul with migraines - you put your dark glasses on and take your sick bag. Once you’re on the plane you get your eye mask on and relax. It’s just pain and nausea she’s not dying.

It’s certainly not something to ruin a family holiday over.

This.

A migraine so severe that she’s entirely incapacitated to the point of cancelling this holiday would have me suggesting she needs to visit the GP tbh.

AskMeMore · 02/04/2023 14:21

I hate reverse sex posters.
Migraine is being minimised by some on here. It is not just a bad headache but also involves visual disturbances.
The reversed sex though explains why the OP does not just want to go ahead with the kids. I think 99% of mothers would have done this so the kids do not miss out. But that may have involved more childcare responsibility than OP is used to.