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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little miserable

449 replies

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:27

We are supposed to be flying out this afternoon on a big family holiday. First big holiday since our plans were cancelled in April 2020 - and with us both working in the NHS we could do with the break

Unfortunately DP has started with a migraine this morning. Happens once every few months. Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it. Doesn’t look like we can fly today - and no flights tomorrow

Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 02/04/2023 11:45

Just go. He comes when he can. Silly to waste the rest of your flights.

milafawny · 02/04/2023 11:46

I hope you have gone with your children. I couldnt imagine stopping my teens going on a very much looked forward to holiday if there was another adult able to take them. She can catch up, or miss it entirely, but neither of you should be stopping the children from going because the other cant fly. Put them first.....

labamba007 · 02/04/2023 11:46

Is your wife not encouraging you to go? I certainly would be. I suffer from migraines and they are awful but in that situation I wouldn't want my husband and children to miss out!

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 02/04/2023 11:49

Having a migraine doesn't need a nurse...

Nimbostratus100 · 02/04/2023 11:49

hopefully @NotEspeciallyHappyValley has gone on holiday with his kids now

YouJustDoYou · 02/04/2023 11:53

I would've gone.

SkyandSurf · 02/04/2023 11:55

YABU to feel miserable instead of making the most out of the situation.

Jem57 · 02/04/2023 11:56

Pretty sure you won’t be covered on your insurance,no way would I lose all that money,I would go on ahead for definite.

SwishSwishBisch · 02/04/2023 11:57

Hi OP. I hope you’ve sorted a plan but I just wanted to say, as a migraine sufferer myself, it’s not impossible to go anyway, as miserable as your partner will feel until the migraine resolves. with the money you stand to lose by delaying I would instead be looking to buy an upgrade for partner to have a lie flat seat on the plane and just go.

MsRosley · 02/04/2023 12:00

Lifelong severe migraine sufferer here. It absolutely isn't a reason not to get on a plane. He can get triptans from the chemist and just ride it out, then lie down in the hotel.

Hankunamatata · 02/04/2023 12:02

You can buy sumatriptan over the counter

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 12:03

Please stop telling OP that partner can just go. Not all migraines are manageable- mine never have been. I can’t be in any moving vehicle or even be walking/crawling myself when I have one.

If your migraines are manageable such that you can get on a plane while having one, that doesn’t mean it’s possible for others with migraines to do so.

It’s really up to the OPs partner as to whether it is possible for them- they know their migraines- and they’ve said they cannot do it.

Starlitestarbright · 02/04/2023 12:06

She needs to woman up I say that as someone who suffers from migraines. I take nasal sprays for them. She s spoiling it for everyone else is unfair. Obviously got money to waste. Get some sun glasses some tablets and a face mask for the flight.

KatherineJaneway · 02/04/2023 12:12

YABU. You could go but are choosing not to. It might not be ideal but staying home being miserable is letting your kids down and your wife. Go and enjoy, it won't be long before your wife is with you.

BadNomad · 02/04/2023 12:14

This is ridiculous. Your poor children missing out on a much-needed and anticipated holiday because their father insists on staying at home being pissed at their mother. Just bloody go. If she is annoyed at that then she's selfish. Misery does not need company.

Auliza · 02/04/2023 12:16

Sorry OP. As soon as you mentioned that you’re a man you’ll get a verbal beating on MN. Funny how everyone’s all behind you when they assumed you were female. 🤔

Anyway, I understand that you wouldn’t want to leave your wife behind and this migraine has come at a really bad time. How long is your wife usually unwell with a migraine? Is it something that will pass in the day? My guess is that it’s very debilitating and she’s not able to fly.

It sounds like it would be a good idea for you all to go and your wife to join later. Would your travel insurance cover the full cancellation or just your wife?

In answer to your main question, nope, not unreasonable at all to be feeling disappointed/miserable.

Here’s to hoping that your insurance will cover and you are all able to get your break rebooked.

aSpanielintheworks · 02/04/2023 12:18

A Triptan will get rid of a really debilitating migraine in about 45 minutes for me.
Surely if he's on migraine preventative medication already he has also been prescribed a Triptan?

If not, you can by a double pack from any chemist over the counter in an emergency.

Bambilegs80 · 02/04/2023 12:19

I suffer debilitating migraines but would suck up a d sleep in plane so others won't miss out. Unlike be covered unless disclosed as a pre existing condition

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 02/04/2023 12:22

Auliza · 02/04/2023 12:16

Sorry OP. As soon as you mentioned that you’re a man you’ll get a verbal beating on MN. Funny how everyone’s all behind you when they assumed you were female. 🤔

Anyway, I understand that you wouldn’t want to leave your wife behind and this migraine has come at a really bad time. How long is your wife usually unwell with a migraine? Is it something that will pass in the day? My guess is that it’s very debilitating and she’s not able to fly.

It sounds like it would be a good idea for you all to go and your wife to join later. Would your travel insurance cover the full cancellation or just your wife?

In answer to your main question, nope, not unreasonable at all to be feeling disappointed/miserable.

Here’s to hoping that your insurance will cover and you are all able to get your break rebooked.

Huh? How has the advice changed since the gender reveal? From the start, pretty much everyone has said either get the migraine sufferer on the plane or go ahead for them to join later?

DaveyJonesLocker · 02/04/2023 12:25

You and the kids need to go and she can get a flight out in a few days. She'll miss a few days but she's not well anyway so she's not really missing it.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 12:25

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 02/04/2023 12:22

Huh? How has the advice changed since the gender reveal? From the start, pretty much everyone has said either get the migraine sufferer on the plane or go ahead for them to join later?

Show quote history

Well there was the one spider sense poster claiming because the OP was a man they were masking their unwillingness to parent the DC alone for a couple days on holiday with faux concern. And that being a man, they probably always leave all the shitty parenting tasks in holidays to their partner while they laze about and enjoy themselves.

KatherineJaneway · 02/04/2023 12:29

Sorry OP. As soon as you mentioned that you’re a man you’ll get a verbal beating on MN. Funny how everyone’s all behind you when they assumed you were female. 🤔

My advice has been the same, check it out 7 posts in

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 02/04/2023 12:29

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 12:25

Well there was the one spider sense poster claiming because the OP was a man they were masking their unwillingness to parent the DC alone for a couple days on holiday with faux concern. And that being a man, they probably always leave all the shitty parenting tasks in holidays to their partner while they laze about and enjoy themselves.

Show quote history

Ok...so, one poster then. The balance is still very much in OP's favour, with other posters accusing the wife of faking it or being a drama queen. I don't think this thread is exactly a ringing endorsement of anti-male sentiment.

L3ThirtySeven · 02/04/2023 12:33

ProbablyNotAGoodIdea · 02/04/2023 12:29

Ok...so, one poster then. The balance is still very much in OP's favour, with other posters accusing the wife of faking it or being a drama queen. I don't think this thread is exactly a ringing endorsement of anti-male sentiment.

Show quote history

I agree. Most of us have been balanced. Only a few have been clearly sexist. Maybe the saying applies that 1 negative thing has the weight of 10 positive things the way our brains work.

Auliza · 02/04/2023 12:33

Messages then started to become that he was not going because he expected his wife to be doing the childcare on holiday whilst he enjoys..

Like it or not, men do get a hammering on here unfairly. Not by everyone but there’s plenty.

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