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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little miserable

449 replies

NotEspeciallyHappyValley · 02/04/2023 08:27

We are supposed to be flying out this afternoon on a big family holiday. First big holiday since our plans were cancelled in April 2020 - and with us both working in the NHS we could do with the break

Unfortunately DP has started with a migraine this morning. Happens once every few months. Severe headache, paracetamol and ibuprofen not touching it. Doesn’t look like we can fly today - and no flights tomorrow

Obviously we are all a bit pissed off about this - but DP has just told me off for being miserable and said I need to snap out of this. Given this is a much wanted holiday - and we’ll probably not be covered by insurance for this - am I allowed to wallow in a little misery?

OP posts:
Bookworms77 · 02/04/2023 11:05

I have had migraines in the past that are so bad there is no way I could fly. One time I was carried into my house by a taxi driver having left my car in a supermarket car park and I don’t remember any of it, I was found asleep on the hall floor (taxi driver told me that he had carried me in). I have had migraines that meant I can’t walk, talk or open my eyes. They are in no way comparable to a headache.
That said, you need to go op. I’d be telling you to go if I was your dp. There is no way my dh would not go under these circumstances. How can you let your dc down like this? Id be doing everything to try make myself well enough to go in your dp shoes but I’d be happy for you to go without me.
The fact that your dp can talk to you and tell you ti stop being miserable makes me think it’s not a very very bad migraine and she could probably get herself well enough to cope on the flight.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 02/04/2023 11:05

Has he actually taken any medication suitable for migraines? Or is there a reason he can only take paracetamol?

I wouldn't want to fly with a migraine but wouldn't expect everyone else to stay at home. I'd either suffer the journey and have a day in bed on arrival or get the next available flight.

yogacushions · 02/04/2023 11:07

Omg. Jesus go without her !

or she has to travel with a wheelchair and eye mask and just get through it.

insanity

Tessabelle74 · 02/04/2023 11:08

He should suck it up and go, may aswell be miserable on the plane as at home! If not you go, he can follow

Thesheerrelief · 02/04/2023 11:11

You should go with the teens and she can follow. No, it's not ideal, but better to make the most of it than all miss our.

Iwouldlikesomecake · 02/04/2023 11:16

Unless you are going to one of these places where there’s only flights a couple of times a week, I find it vanishingly unlikely that you wouldn’t be able to get a flight for one person to follow on later. The rest of you get your arses in gear and go and she can follow on tomorrow or the next day. Otherwise what, she recovers by tomorrow and everyone is stuck at home for the Easter holidays instead of on the holiday of a lifetime? Nah I don’t know how anyone thinks that is reasonable.

BellePeppa · 02/04/2023 11:17

Haven’t read the whole thread but what does she say about it? Is she ok about you going ahead of her? If not then it is an awkward situation to solve. I suffer from migraines and can’t walk or do anything when I have them, I’m completely incapacitated. Personally I would say go ahead and I’ll meet you there when I’m better.

BellePeppa · 02/04/2023 11:18

Tessabelle74 · 02/04/2023 11:08

He should suck it up and go, may aswell be miserable on the plane as at home! If not you go, he can follow

It’s a she!!

twoandcooplease · 02/04/2023 11:19

Did you find out about insurance?
It's so selfish for everybody to lose out btw. I think as she isn't well, you could make sure she's got medicines before you leave and you take charge of sorting the new flight. Then you pick her up from the airport when she gets there.
If roles were reversed I'd say your DP is sulking and needs to get over that before joining the holiday in a couple of days. Or don't come and keep the attitude and make everyone else miserable and you'll see her when you all get back
To lose out is ridiculous and no one would tell her to if it was you

PinkyFlamingo · 02/04/2023 11:20

Sounds like she's not going to let him and tne teenagers go without her, very selfish!

massivenamechnage · 02/04/2023 11:21

Hope you are at the airport and on your way
They can catch you up later.

honeylulu · 02/04/2023 11:23

FGS go! Let her follow . That way you only have to rebook one flight. If I was her I'd be urging you to do that to limit the wasted costs and kids' disappointment. Has she said it would feel like a kick in the teeth to go without her or is that what you decided in your own head?

Brefugee · 02/04/2023 11:24

so what's the decision?
seriously, just you and the kids go and she follows on the next available flight.

If i were either parent in this scenario it's what I'd do/want

Tessabelle74 · 02/04/2023 11:24

BellePeppa · 02/04/2023 11:18

It’s a she!!

Show quote history

So? Makes no difference to my comment 🙄

BellePeppa · 02/04/2023 11:24

shakeitoffsis · 02/04/2023 10:40

Go on holiday. And him. He will have to sleep on the flight eye mask ear phones etc. wouldn't even cross my mind not to go and I'm a migraine sufferer.

Really, how do you walk or function with a migraine? I just want to die when I have one. I can’t move a muscle because of the horrendous pounding and I can’t open my eyes because everything is too bright. I feel really sick and faint and have to lie in a darkened room until it goes. There’s no way I could tolerate a journey to the airport and a flight.

diddl · 02/04/2023 11:28

Sleep on the flight.

Well maybe they could who knows?

I couldn't have done.

I couldn't get out of bed without throwing up & the migraine getting worse.

I'd have expected them to go without me if that was the only option although they wouldn't have wanted to.

Singularity82 · 02/04/2023 11:29

Go without her. This isn’t fair on you and definitely isn’t fair on the kids.
Why isn’t she encouraging you to go?? If I was truly that unwell I couldn’t more, I’d be telling my husband to take the kids alone. Madness to waste all the money too!

SkyandSurf · 02/04/2023 11:30

What the heck.

Just go! She can follow. How ridiculous.

Why waste the cost of all your flights when it could have just been one?

My ridiculous relative once lost flights for her family of 6 because they were driving around the airport looking for parking. Not one of them thought it might make sense for 5 of them to hop out and catch the plane, while 1 person parked the car.

All that money wasted.

Unbelievable.

pinkyredrose · 02/04/2023 11:32

Wouldn't she prefer that you and the kids get started on your holiday and she join you when she's better? Surely she wouldn't want you all to miss out?

UnshakenNeedsStirring · 02/04/2023 11:33

I honestly hope OP has taken the kids and left to go to airport

Queenofscones · 02/04/2023 11:36

OP, your partner's response is so out of line with 99% of ordinary women on here that I suspect your difficult times aren't over. Someone upthread has wondered aloud whether your partner actually wants to go or not, and I'd be wondering that too. Most of us would go, vomiting and groaning, and if we couldn't do that we'd absolutely want you and the children to go and we'd follow later: and if we couldn't follow we'd deal with the disappointment ourselves, like adults.

There's something that feels manipulative about the situation you describe. Whether consciously or unconsciously your partner may have been looking for a way out of the holiday. Is she depressed? Does she long for some space from all of you? Does she feel under terrible pressure to live up to this big holiday of a lifetime schtick and scared she'll fail at having a great time?

I hope you're reading this on the way to the airport.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 02/04/2023 11:38

Op you are a complete martyr.

purplefacemask · 02/04/2023 11:40

You can definitely go and she can follow you in a day or two. Even if everything's booked up, She'll get a standby seat.

purplefacemask · 02/04/2023 11:44

You can't let your kids down like this!! It's completely reasonable to go without your wife. It's insane not to go!!

ConstanceOcean · 02/04/2023 11:44

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 02/04/2023 11:38

Op you are a complete martyr.

Why is OP a martyr?

He’s having to chose between going on holiday or staying home with his sick wife.

The amount of threads about men going on stag nights and the OP feeling poorly or having a poorly child - most posters usually say how selfish it is to go on the stag night and leave the OP at home.
So I can see why OP was torn about what to do.

His wife may also be making him feel guilty about leaving her and going on the holiday without her.

I would 100% go without her but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t feel incredibly guilty and do what OP has done to try and find a way for them to all go as planned.