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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset DH won't let me read his diary?

302 replies

wonderingoff · 01/04/2023 23:24

DH has been keeping a diary that I wasn't even aware of for the last 3 weeks, so quite a new thing. Never once mentioned he was going to start doing that and definitely has avoided writing in it when I've been around as I've never seen it! Only realised when trying to find something on his bedside table early this morning. He woke up to me basically about to have a look what it was and he was really defensive and told me to put it back. Felt a bit like I was dealing with a teenager to be honest, did put it back and asked him what it is and he just said it's a diary and he's just been jotting some things that go around in his head too much and I asked him what they were and that he can talk to me if something is wrong and he just said he doesn't really want to and so I asked if I could read it and he said no.

I don't know, it all seems quite strange to me and like it's surely something else and if it isn't and it is just that, I'm a bit concerned he can't just talk to me about some of these apparent insignificant worries? So I guess there's 2 AIBUs... AIBU to think he's probably hiding something else? And AIBU to be upset he won't let me know what these worries are?

OP posts:
saraclara · 01/04/2023 23:31

wonderingoff · 01/04/2023 23:29

Ok I think I've come across wrong. I really didn't mean it in that way

There's nothing to come across wrong. You were about to read his diary. That is NOT okay, yet you didn't think he was being reasonable in being angry about it.

Original poster
wonderingoff · 01/04/2023 23:31

I didn't even know what it was when I was about to read it. I had never even seen it before, that wasn't me trying to just read something of his and knowing it!

OP posts:
Cherryana · 01/04/2023 23:31

YABU - he is allowed privacy, he is allowed to find an outlet to express his thoughts, he is allowed to do this in his own home. Diaries are often dumping grounds and things you write in them may not be ‘true for all time’ - leave it alone.

BeatriceFranklin · 01/04/2023 23:32

I’ve written diaries since I was 12. DH has never asked to read them and unless I choose to share my diaries with him they’ll stay in my memory cabinet. My diaries aren’t full of worries they’re a day to day account of my life. YABVU

saraclara · 01/04/2023 23:32

wonderingoff · 01/04/2023 23:31

I didn't even know what it was when I was about to read it. I had never even seen it before, that wasn't me trying to just read something of his and knowing it!

Yea you did. Because you've seen him writing in it for three weeks.

Hawkins003 · 01/04/2023 23:32

@wonderingoff
Reminds me of Sebastian valmonts journal

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 01/04/2023 23:32

wonderingoff · 01/04/2023 23:30

I didn't mean it like that!!!

I just meant if he has said it's his worries, I'm his wife and I am concerned and would like him to feel like he can tell me what they are. I felt like if he maybe didn't want to but obviously preferred to write them, maybe I could read it. I should probably have asked the question differently

You don't own his thoughts. It's that simple. If he wants to share and feels comfortable enough to do so, he will. If he doesn't then there's fuck all you can or should do about it.

L3ThirtySeven · 01/04/2023 23:32

wonderingoff · 01/04/2023 23:31

I didn't even know what it was when I was about to read it. I had never even seen it before, that wasn't me trying to just read something of his and knowing it!

You knew it was his. You knew it wasn’t yours. So yes that was you trying to sneak a peek in something of his.

TrashyPanda · 01/04/2023 23:33

Oh come on, everybody knows diaries are incredibly personal.

that’s a huge breach of trust.

BMW6 · 01/04/2023 23:33

No OP, you are being massively unreasonable

Anyone is perfectly entitled to keep their diary to themselves. Do not give in to the temptation of a sneaky peek. That would be unforgivable intrusion.

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 01/04/2023 23:33

I call reverse, because nobody could even be questioning this otherwise.

If it isn't, yabvvvu and your husband has probably wrote his thoughts about how bad it is that he isn't allowed his own private thoughts and feelings because his wife is interfering, nosey and oversteps his boundaries!

TomatoSandwiches · 01/04/2023 23:33

You are his wife but you are both still individuals,no couole shares 100% of what passes through their minds and tbh I don't think there is anything wrong with that and a diary should be respected and left alone.
Perhaps you could start your own.

Hawkins003 · 01/04/2023 23:33

Mine is more an educational journal of different academic topics of intrigue.
My true personal feelings ect I keep in my mind as they fluctuate at times,

Original poster
wonderingoff · 01/04/2023 23:34

No I haven't. I even said I didn't know he was keeping a diary and has been purposely not wiring in it when I'm around, hence I was more worried it's more than just that. I only know because he told me what it was, he's the one that told me it had been for 3 weeks. I have never seen him write in it

OP posts:
butterfliedtwo · 01/04/2023 23:34

How even dare you think that's anything but completely unreasonable? Everyone is entitled to privacy. I'd be so pissed off.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 01/04/2023 23:35

The only thing you should be doing is apologising.

digging your heels in makes it sound like he is the one dealing with a teenager.

Hawkins003 · 01/04/2023 23:35

Plus one person's dairy is another person's phone equivalent

DannyZukosSmile · 01/04/2023 23:35

wonderingoff · 01/04/2023 23:34

No I haven't. I even said I didn't know he was keeping a diary and has been purposely not wiring in it when I'm around, hence I was more worried it's more than just that. I only know because he told me what it was, he's the one that told me it had been for 3 weeks. I have never seen him write in it

Que?

L3ThirtySeven · 01/04/2023 23:35

wonderingoff · 01/04/2023 23:34

No I haven't. I even said I didn't know he was keeping a diary and has been purposely not wiring in it when I'm around, hence I was more worried it's more than just that. I only know because he told me what it was, he's the one that told me it had been for 3 weeks. I have never seen him write in it

You knew it wasn’t yours. Whose else could it have been? The tooth fairy?

DannyZukosSmile · 01/04/2023 23:35

Hawkins003 · 01/04/2023 23:35

Plus one person's dairy is another person's phone equivalent

What does that mean ?

Original poster
wonderingoff · 01/04/2023 23:35

I really didn't mean it like I should be entitled to read it. It was more me being upset he has worries he is keeping from me but wants to put in a diary, that's all

OP posts:
Shemovesshemoves21 · 01/04/2023 23:36

I get where you're coming from OP. I, too, would be worried my husband couldn't share his worries or concerns with me. Obviously, you won't be reading his diary, but a sit down with him to let him know you're there to listen and that if there is anything on his mind, he can speak to you, regardless of what it is. Beyond that, you just need to let him open up if and when he is ready.

Hawkins003 · 01/04/2023 23:36

DannyZukosSmile · 01/04/2023 23:35

What does that mean ?

Show quote history

Its like to some people their diary is as private as asking a partner to read through their phone messages ect

L3ThirtySeven · 01/04/2023 23:37

wonderingoff · 01/04/2023 23:35

I really didn't mean it like I should be entitled to read it. It was more me being upset he has worries he is keeping from me but wants to put in a diary, that's all

You’re not entitled to know his every thought though.

Original poster
wonderingoff · 01/04/2023 23:37

Common if you were going through a draw and saw something you had not seen before, you wouldn't at least inspect it? I feel because this was taken the wrong way, it's all being taken the wrong way now

OP posts:
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