To be upset DH won't let me read his diary?

[wonderingoff]

DH has been keeping a diary that I wasn't even aware of for the last 3 weeks, so quite a new thing. Never once mentioned he was going to start doing that and definitely has avoided writing in it when I've been around as I've never seen it! Only realised when trying to find something on his bedside table early this morning. He woke up to me basically about to have a look what it was and he was really defensive and told me to put it back. Felt a bit like I was dealing with a teenager to be honest, did put it back and asked him what it is and he just said it's a diary and he's just been jotting some things that go around in his head too much and I asked him what they were and that he can talk to me if something is wrong and he just said he doesn't really want to and so I asked if I could read it and he said no.

I don't know, it all seems quite strange to me and like it's surely something else and if it isn't and it is just that, I'm a bit concerned he can't just talk to me about some of these apparent insignificant worries? So I guess there's 2 AIBUs... AIBU to think he's probably hiding something else? And AIBU to be upset he won't let me know what these worries are?

The only one "missing the point" here is you.

YABU
I write a diary and DH wouldn't dream of reading it. It's fir private thoughts that you might be embarrassed for others to read.

Whatever he told you it was to get you off of his back.
You were wrong to pry and would be extremely unreasonable to read his diary,pester him for information on what he has written or make any more of it than you've already done.
Your first post was straightforward then you back tracked saying it was out of concern for his worries.
Stop the mind games and respect his privacy.we come into,and leave,this world alone.you do not own him.

It doesn't necessarily mean he has problems that he is keeping to himself. Journalling is a well-known practice for personal development, self-help, meditation, clarifying one's own thoughts, processing one's experiences etc etc.
People don't have to discuss everything with their partner. The journal should be a safe and private space.

Yes you are being unreasonable. I still remember with horror when my mates found my teenage diary and ran round the house shouting out excerpts to each other. Took me decades to start writing one again. It’s his private diary his private thoughts and healthy for his mental health. He needs to know it’s safe from you. Talk to him and say you’re sorry and you will never ever read it.

This post reads a lot like : 'I don't want to admit it but I think my marriage is on the rocks. My husband doesn't want to say it out loud but he's writing it down and I'm worried that he's likely to leave so I started an argument about the diary to try and force the truth even though I don't really want to hear it '...... if your relationship was on a good footing, with clear, honest communication you would be talking things through as they came up but Isuspect that isn't the case here. It sounds like your husband might find it difficult to approach you about certain aspects of your relationship and you appear to be presenting an aggressive and closed face. If you really want to know what this diary is (possibly a warning cry) then get some couples counselling. You might not like what you hear but I think you need professional help to stop this rift from getting bigger and ultimately might be thankful that this incident sparked a new phase in your relationship. Best of luck.

I feel your pain as my "mate" found mine and photocopied it, then put the photocopies around school. I was 12. Im 39 and only just started journalling again

This thread went viral and I created an account specially to answer OP.
You need to get yourself into therapy immediately. You are being massively unreasonable.
My husband and I both keep journals for each other while he is away at sea. There is a massive difference between that and your husband keeping a private one. It doesn't matter if its a new habit or not, it doesn't matter what triggered his desire to keep one, or the fact he writes when you are not around. This is his privacy. No matter what, you are not entitled to everything even if you are his wife. This is not what marriage is about. Even if he has underlying worries and concerns. If you are concerned about his inability to share with you, you need to look inward not at his diary. Work on yourself, then on your emotional relationship with your husband. But just to be clear, even if you do this, he is still entitled to private thoughts and feelings and to be able to express them however he choses, even if that means keeping a journal you never see. Do not read it. Do not mention it. Do not get huffy if he writes in it. You're his wife, not his keeper

You are wrong 100%, not just about asking to read his diary, but being upset that he's allowed any private worries or thoughts. Why should he not have privacy to think or rant or scribble or draw or whatever? What in marriage gives you the right to be told every thought or concern? Tbh just the fact you asked him probably makes him not trust you. Never mention the subject again or bat an eyelid when his diary disappears

OP you seem to completely lack any kind of interior life as well as common decency and respect for boundaries. Can you really not think of any thoughts you would never share and would rather keep private? Don't be surprised if he never shares with you again, or goes to extreme lengths to hide his diary, you've abused his trust.

You are absolutely being a knob. It's none of your business whatsoever, a diary is a very private thing and I'd have gone off my rocker if I woke up to you trying to snoop through mine. You've already overstepped the mark by trying to slyly get a look, leave it be abd you DO owe him an apology for invading his privacy.

If its a completely new thing and you know each other well and this kind of secretive behaviour is unusual then you are justifiable in feeling a bit put out and hurt. I also find it really strange that he would start something like that then just leave it on the side without discussing it - you could easily have picked it up and wondered what it was. I wouldn't read it, he's set a clear boundary, but I'd be tempted to tell him you think it's a great idea and write your own. Start by jotting down your own feelings (especially about this) and ask him not to read yours either. For me that would quickly identify whether he's literally just playing mind games, in which case it's best out in the open, or if it's a genuine coping mechanism he's trialing in which case it's a healthy, constructive hobby and I'd encourage and support it and 100% respect it. Hope that makes sense and hope its all healthy and positive for you both x

Im not about to jump on you re your spelling OP - I will say re your Aibu yes - yabu. It’s his private thoughts - leave it be.

People are entitled to private thoughts. Thought this type of thing goes without saying

OP hasn't been back since Sunday. I think she gets it.

YABVVVVU. I keep a diary and DH isn’t allowed to read it. When DH Used to keep a journal I wasn’t allowed to read his either. It’s important to have private thoughts.

Well, if my husband suddenly started keeping a diary I'd think he'd gone mad - because he's just not that 'type'

So yes OP, of course you're going to be concerned and want to know what's going on

However that won't stop the weird posters just bandwagon jumping with 'how DARE you?!!'

I think (hope) your coming from a good place by wanting to share his stresses with him and help him with them,however men often work differently in that they like and enjoy to fix issues alone. In his mind being able to write them down is a step to resolving them independently. Diary keeping is often suggested in self improvement programmes so he maybe just working on bettering himself in a healthy way. I highly doubt if it was anything more sinister he would leave in view.

@wonderingoff if I found this in my husband’s draw, I would also be worried. I would want to know what is bothering him and why he can’t tell me. You obviously really care about him. I would also be dying to read it.

like others have said it can’t contain anything too secretive as he wouldn’t keep it in his draw. Maybe he’ll open up when he’s ready.

I also share your disbelief about how many people say they wouldn’t care if their husbands had something on their mind.

It absolutely does not matter what people think off you but I can imagine it’s not been easy reading all these comments. For what’s worth you sound like a caring wife. I definitely don’t think you’re horrible person.

Yes, you did mean it that way. Spouses are entitled to privacy.

Dear Lord above, OF COURSE you mustn't read his diary! If I kept a diary, I would be outraged if my husband read it - ditto my letters, emails etc.
He is an adult entitled to his privacy - please have some respect for him.

Wow wow wow! OP I actually feel a bit sorry for you and some of the harsh comments you’re getting. Everyone pretending that their outraged by your post, like they would never even dream of wanting to read their partners diaries 🙄and the assumptions about your marriage also, people really do boil my p**s so self righteous! OP, yes you must respect his privacy but I do understand that you might have some concerns or worries about his diary, and why all of sudden now, he is keeping one. You’re his wife and I think it’s normal to have these feelings. If he wants to talk to you he will and perhaps in time he might feel ready, until then respect his boundaries and just let him know that you’re there for him always. Good luck OP XXX

Hmmmmmm ....

You really are very irritating!

Attention seekers often are.