School run dilemma.

[whydid]

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

So she wants you to provide free transport and after school care - what a cheeky fucker. I’d simply tell her that while you’re happy to help in an emergency you can’t commit to an ongoing arrangement and she’ll need to use formal childcare.

Text her: Sorry I was a bit flustered before because x was crying! I’m sorry but I can’t help with your youngest in that way, I’ve got too much on with my own after school. Hope you manage to get sorted with it x

I like this. It’s polite as well, despite her being a CF

Just text her.
About your request today, I absolutely am not available to take that on. Just wanted to let you know so you can rule me out of your plans.

You deal with it by saying no then leaving her to process it.

Agree with pp message. It’s such a huge and cheeky request it needs to be a flat out and very clear no from the offset.

Perfect

Just say no. Dear xxx have been thinking, sorry I can’t help, I will have my own children and a new born to sort and I simply can’t do it all, I am sure you understand

end of

This :)

and don’t forget to look after yourself afterwards too. Saying no to people is clearly difficult for you and there’s probably a reason for that eg you’re avoiding the fear or guilt or whatever it is that’s going to pop up. If you’re brave and say no those feelings will come up. It doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong decision. Just let yourself feel it. It will pass.

What’s an extra child?! The height of cfuckery. Just text her and say sorry I didn’t reply yesterday, I was busy, but no I will not be able to take on permanent childcare role for your childish hope you get things sorted. She knows she is being cheeky and is hoping that a full blatant attack mode will bully you into it. Say no, be firm .

As above. Not “except in an emergency” because she sounds like the sort to have an emergency every second day of the week.

Agree with this.

What's one more child indeed!

Text and tell her you've thought about it and rather than start and then cancel on her, you're letting her know that it's not something you will be doing. Wish her well in finding someone.
Press send and put it out of your mind.
It's not your problem and it was incredibly rude of her to suggest it.

Text the above and stick to your guns. There is no way you want to be doing this everyday going forward and she is a CF for telling you you are!

Stop with all the "sorry's"! She is beyond cheeky! I would text "I'm not sure if you were serious yesterday however just in case you weren't, I am busy enough with (almost) 3 kids of my own, any additional childcare is out of the question".

@Heroicallyfound Yes! I don't understand why I feel like this.

I think it's because I've martyred myself over the past 5 years, I've never asked for help and come whatever weather I've made that school run even when she complained that she didn't want to take her 10 month old out in the hailstones when it was okay for me to take mine and her kid out!
And it's a feeling of I give give give constantly!

I will text her that right now and see how she replies.

It's been okay me waddling with a big bump taking her child to school and a screaming toddler and my 5 year old while she was leisurely getting into her car for a play date and that's why I had to take her kid to school because she would miss the 9am play date!

When you turn her down do not say 'sorry'

Sorry but...

As soon as the word 'sorry' comes out of your mouth or into your text you are implying that you have something to be sorry for. You're not sorry, you have no need to be, so don't say it.

I won't be taking (son) to school as it's too much of a commitment for me. I want to be free and flexible at both ends of the school day. Please don't take it personally, I wouldn't agree to this for anyone else either. Good luck sorting the situation out.

Finito.

?

It's rude to ask such a big under taking. You don't need to say sorry. Just straight forward I'm not able to take on with an arrangement of looking after your child afterschool/before school. It does not suit my plans.

Yes do, perfect. What a CF!

I have a habit of over explaining myself and need to stop that too!

If her child can't manage the bus due to anxiety she can speak to the council about send transport.

Do not get tied into this at all. It's better to say no now , than later down the line. I did this and have since learnt my lesson.