School run dilemma.

[whydid]

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

No you can't. Your pregnancy has been hard going and you might even need a childminder yourself so can't do this sorry. I think it's easier to make an excuse rather than say get stuffed you cf.

Some very good example messages to send there.
No apology needed from you and no need to offer yourself in an emergency.

She needs to work on getting to the root cause of the 12 year olds anxiety and dealing with that instead of letting it have a knock on affect on your life.

Absolutely @threeblowdries .

Yes don't offer to be there 'in an emergency' either. Just take the opportunity to wash your hands of it.

She is one cheeky fucker. How about you just stop taking your kid too and say well what the fuck now? 🤬

She is the one who has made this awkward for the rest of your lives not you.

Just tell her you can't as when the baby is here the will be different people picking your child up and he won't always be coming straight home, it's not something you can put on other people.

My word, the absolute cheek of her and so rude too. Absolutely no way OP and I would
never do her a favour ever again.

5pm ish? As if? 😂 “I think we’ve got our wires crossed. I’m not in the market for a childminding job right now.”

This. And when she tries to keep asking (she sounds the type) have a short response ready and say it on repeat every time until she gets bored e.g “I can see it’s tricky for you but I’m afraid I’m not able to. Hope you find a solution.”

Just text her "sorry think you've got your wires crossed somewhere, I'm not a child minder. Hope you find someone to have xx."

This.
Ultimate in CF behaviour

Oh wow that’s a brass neck and a half isn’t it?

Hi X, unfortunately I’ll have enough on my plate with my own so won’t be able to help you out with Y going forward. Hope you get sorted!

Or do a Phoebe from friends, ‘ I could do that, but I don’t want to’

There's a mum at our school who asks for a lot of help. School runs, sleep overs, trips to and from clubs and she's always out doing some social thing. I'm surprised so many people still help her.

I cannot believe she asked you this. My son started Reception last September when I had a 4 week old and on occasion my very kind neighbour who has a child in the same class has taken or picked up my son when I was having a particularly hard day / night with my baby.

So, if anything, it should be her helping you out on the odd occasion, not the other way around!!!! And not every day!! Sooo rude and entitled! X

It is the 'keep him till 5' bit that's the cherry on the bun isn't it? Ha haaa.
Aye ok then.

I would also drop the “sorry” from any communication about this - she is a cheeky fucker for asking (and I lived on a pads estate where school run and child care favours where very much the normal) you need to be clear and direct -

Just want to let you know I am unable to help you with school runs anymore.

Honestly - the power of not saying sorry. I tell you OP it is a game changer.

"Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore.."

So she had a partner but she expects you to muck in with no gratitude and expects you to put your kids and heavily pregnant self through all sorts to bee her free childcare. The way she asked makes it a straight no on it's own.

Agree with this!

Why on earth would her 12 year old be OK with this arrangement!? Let alone you. She is not thinking what's best for her child, she's thinking purely selfishly and everyone else can just work around her demands.

She is not someone you want to be friends with. The fact she asked is pretty shocking. "I'm sure you can appreciate I have enough on my plate" is all you need to tell her. Do not apologise.

I wouldn't text her anything - you don't need to. Any time she mentions it, just change the subject or have to leave. Not your problem.

"No" or, "That's a pain" is enough. Not your issue.

Take out the second 'sorry' though.

Hi...sorry I was a bit flustered before...(your kid) was crying. I can't help with (her kid) because I've got too much going on and coming up myself. Hope you manage to get sorted with it. xx

Chatty, polite, factual and a definite no.

Hmm...no. I can see your point because the request wasn't made via text so no need to write one...but I'd rather it dealt with and for her to understand it's a no, than have to skirt around the issue as per your suggestion. Leave or change the subject? Why? There's no need. Being upfront is fine.

CF alert

Whatever you do, don’t use the word ‘sorry’! She’s the one who was very rude!