Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School run dilemma.

567 replies

whydid · 01/04/2023 19:53

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

OP posts:
DandledASandle · 02/04/2023 22:33

I'd be tempted to say something like "'I'm going to have my hands full with 3 children including a newborn. I simply can't do 4."

However It is probably best to ignore.

SprinkleRainbow · 02/04/2023 22:34

The answer to her message should be 'It's not my fault your looking for cheaper childcare options but I'm not accepting your request to be it'

Or as you probably don't want to make the rest of life awkward
'I realise you may not understand however I need to put my own family first and I am not prepared or willing to take on the commitment of providing childcare of someone else's child. Perhaps you can arrange a car pool for the eldest, or discuss options with their school to adjust their timetable due to their travelling anxiety so they can start slightly later after you drop X off. I'm sure you will sort a suitable solution'

Judgyjudgy · 02/04/2023 22:34

whydid · 02/04/2023 22:31

I've text back.

"I don't leave my child at your house because I know I wouldn't want to reciprocate any casual childmind back! I don't do these things. I don't expect anyone to do anything for my children. I did consider us friends but actually I'm thinking did you become my friend because of other motives? I've been happy to help out in emergencies but when I couldn't help once due to my child being off school, you ignored me and I really don't need the aggro of it all with all the expectations. It's better all around for you to find a permanent babysitter so Atleast you can rely on them properly. I will also have to sort my own childcare out next year and it's just not in my interest to take on it all. I have enough on my plate. If you take offence that's fine but I just cannot x"

Now I feel
Stupid for sending such a long winded response

Maybe a bit long, but a good response. I'd just ignore her now, unbelievably rude!

zurala · 02/04/2023 22:34

Sorry I cross posted with you. Good for you! Great response to her, she's beyond cheeky.

Stillthewrongsideof40 · 02/04/2023 22:35

I think this was a really good firm response.
i would hope that’s her got the message now.

well done OP ! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Getolderbutneverwiser · 02/04/2023 22:36

Really good response, well done!!! Unreal, the complete brass neck of the CF!! And assuming you’ll be in everyday after school until 5 to accommodate her “plan”, jog on!!

Delatron · 02/04/2023 22:37

Well done OP. She is so cheeky and no friend of yours. Now ignore her - you’ve been perfectly clear.

gordonpym · 02/04/2023 22:38

Response sent, now move on. You really don't want to be tied up to have to come straight home every single day. Sometimes, you might want to chat with another mum, or go to a park or for an ice-cream or baby check-ups.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/04/2023 22:38

I think your response is really good. It covers off all the escape routes and calls her out completely.

I agree a response was needed as she’d take silence as agreement.

Jifmicroliquid · 02/04/2023 22:38

I am fuming on your behalf OP!
I would reply-
“I will have a newborn soon and do not wish to commit to any further responsibility aside from my own children. Frankly I’m dumbfounded that you don’t realise what a huge ask this is of someone and that you actually have the audacity to try to guilt-trip me into it. I think it’s best if we leave it there.”

Then I’d have nothing more to do with the cheeky, entitled woman.

user143777534 · 02/04/2023 22:38

Your response is perfect OP. Well done. Now try to put her out of your mind. She’s not worth it. The bloody cheek of her!

Ktime · 02/04/2023 22:39

whydid · 02/04/2023 22:31

I've text back.

"I don't leave my child at your house because I know I wouldn't want to reciprocate any casual childmind back! I don't do these things. I don't expect anyone to do anything for my children. I did consider us friends but actually I'm thinking did you become my friend because of other motives? I've been happy to help out in emergencies but when I couldn't help once due to my child being off school, you ignored me and I really don't need the aggro of it all with all the expectations. It's better all around for you to find a permanent babysitter so Atleast you can rely on them properly. I will also have to sort my own childcare out next year and it's just not in my interest to take on it all. I have enough on my plate. If you take offence that's fine but I just cannot x"

Now I feel
Stupid for sending such a long winded response

It was probably cathartic to get that off your chest!

I think that should shut her up!

Reinventinganna · 02/04/2023 22:40

Send her a list of local childminders.

Does her reply mean that she is expecting the 12 year old to come in too and entertain them all?

XanaduKira · 02/04/2023 22:41

That's a good response Op. If she has the brass neck to send another cheeky response, then simply either text back 'I've already told you no, please stop messaging me about this' or just block her number. Don't give her anymore headspace & good luck with the upcoming baby!

Backstreets · 02/04/2023 22:47

Ha! You’ve burnt that bridge but it wasn’t like it was going anywhere good.
absolute brass of her expecting daily childcare and transportation!! And from a pregnant woman, too!

Tohaveandtohold · 02/04/2023 22:48

She’s definitely trying it on, that’s what after school clubs are for surely . Your response is perfect

Coffeepot72 · 02/04/2023 22:49

Ikilledthebabysharkdododuhdodudoo · 02/04/2023 22:10

“It is going out of my way. I’m about to have a newborn baby, I don’t need another child added in. The answer is no.”

This

SensitiveB · 02/04/2023 22:50

I think your reply was good and entirely respectable and reasonable . Even if she chooses to be upset I firmly think you haven’t done anything wrong , and are sensible not to take this on as it’s not fair to ask

MyEasterEggs · 02/04/2023 22:50

Cheeky AF. I’m expecting in May too and no way in hell would I be taking on someone else’s kid every day until 5. Some people are so up their own arses it’s unreal.

Remaker · 02/04/2023 22:51

I think you’ve handled it well. Your second text wouldn’t have been needed if she had just accepted no graciously the first time.

I had similar experiences when my eldest started school. My 2nd child was only a year younger and he went to preschool/nursery a couple of days a week. A friend and my SIL each had 3 kids and just expected that I would look after their TWO babies/toddlers on a regular basis in my ‘free time’ so they could volunteer to do reading in their older child’s classroom. My SIL sent me a roster with my name on it without ever asking!

I said I had spent 5 years looking after my kids and my free 12 hours a week was for my benefit not theirs. I was happy to help in emergencies but nothing regular. People amaze me with what they expect. If you choose to have 3 children your life will be a bit less flexible than if you had only 2. That’s your choice, not my problem.

MyEasterEggs · 02/04/2023 22:51

Also, the response is fine, don’t sweat it any longer. Move on. It’s her problem!

May09Bump · 02/04/2023 22:52

HecticHedgehog · 01/04/2023 20:10

If her child can't manage the bus due to anxiety she can speak to the council about send transport.

This is a possibility - and if you mention it, it may soften the no, sorry I can't help message. You are entirely right for saying no.

Fundays12 · 02/04/2023 22:53

Wow she is a cheeky entitled mare. Your responses are fine. I cannot believe she would ask that of you. It's a huge ask. I don't mind helping out family or neighbours with school runs if they are struggling or I'll and frequently do it. However there is no way would I commit to taking another child so much. It would mean my kids don't get down time and couldn't do the after school parks trips etc we like to do plus I doubt they would like having to share me daily with a neighbours child.

EmptyEnvelope · 02/04/2023 22:55

You did brilliantly to stand up to her. Well done

ittakes2 · 02/04/2023 22:56

I think you are worried about feeling awkward because you are kind and polite.
She however did not feel awkward about being a complete arse to you so I think you should not worry about how she would feel about you saying no.
I can't see you being friends after she has been so inconsiderate to you.
You should not feel awkward about just saying sorry that doesn't work for you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread