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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School run dilemma.

567 replies

whydid · 01/04/2023 19:53

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

OP posts:
Devoutspoken · 02/04/2023 22:17

'As a friend', she wouldn't be doing it, don't respond

Leter · 02/04/2023 22:19

No don't agree to it. It's their responsibility to get their DC to and from school. She's no friend. Just a user.

Goldbar · 02/04/2023 22:19

😂. She's certainly persistent.

If you're planning to breastfeed, I'd be tempted to message back "Sorry, but I'm not having your DC hanging around the house every afternoon when I've got my boobs out trying to establish feeding with a newborn" but that might be a bit blunt for you.

Sapphire387 · 02/04/2023 22:20

I just wouldn't reply again, tbh. She's so cheeky.

LittleOwl153 · 02/04/2023 22:21

Ikilledthebabysharkdododuhdodudoo · 02/04/2023 22:10

“It is going out of my way. I’m about to have a newborn baby, I don’t need another child added in. The answer is no.”

I'd loose the first sentence - don't justify, argue to explain...

I'm about to have a newborn. I don't need another child in the mix. The answer is No.

Or tbh

The answer is No. Will do just as well!

MovedByFanciesThatAreCurled · 02/04/2023 22:22

if you don’t answer back I bet you anything she will take that as a tacit agreement. Honestly - people like this need it spelling out to them

Ktime · 02/04/2023 22:23

What a bitch. Please don’t give in to her, OP. We are all behind you!

EstelleOrders · 02/04/2023 22:24

Wow she is cheeky! Hope you told her No, not your child or problem.

Stillthewrongsideof40 · 02/04/2023 22:25

I have had two similar experiences in the past week. I’m a SAHM, The first was a friend asking if I could look after her son one morning every week as she didn’t get the nursery days she was hoping for. I go to the gym on the morning she was looking for so explained I wasn’t prepared to give that up. My own children are of school age so it’s not like I would of been home looking after my own anyway.
The second was a mum asking what my plans were for the Easter holidays as she would need someone to look after her son for the first week as she didn’t want to pay the price of the holiday club at the local sports centre, this was just a few moments after telling me she had spent nearly £700 on a fancy hotel and a meal with her hubby just last weekend!!! the holiday club is £130 for the week. Turns out her hubby isn’t actually working every day of the first week and will now have to change his plans to look after his own Son.

what did she reply to the text?

newtowelsplease · 02/04/2023 22:26

God this is amazing. I can't believe people like this actually exist.

noprobbob · 02/04/2023 22:26

Just say
That doesn't work for me
And leave it at that

pictoosh · 02/04/2023 22:26

Like I said, I don't want the commitment. It's a no from me. Good luck with it.

Be firm. Any cordial relationship you had with her has been ruined by her last text. She is annoyed with you, the cheeky bitch. Be blunt and firm now. She's no pal.

user143777534 · 02/04/2023 22:27

whydid · 02/04/2023 22:05

I sent this text
"Good evening, in response to your childcare request this morning, I cannot commit to it and think it be best if you find permanent solution. Have a nice night x"

And she responded with

"hi, I'm just confused because it's not going out of your way, after school he will just be sitting in yours before either one of us gets home, as dh is self employed his jobs are important and he cannot afford to leave at school pick up and when the eldest arrives he will be entertaining them, you don't need to look after them and thought as a friend you would want to help out like I have told you plenty of times to send your son over but it's not my fault if you didn't take up the offer"

She sent that reply back at 9pm tonight so obviously been stewing on the reply. I haven't replied yet!

Show quote history

OMG she is a complete bitch. I know you live next to her but you are better to get at least some emotional distance rather than have a person like this in your life.

She is CF of the year.

Phoebo · 02/04/2023 22:28

Just say no ffs! Unbelievable for her to even ask! If you weren't there she would have to figure something out

pictoosh · 02/04/2023 22:28

"The second was a mum asking what my plans were for the Easter holidays as she would need someone to look after her son for the first week as she didn’t want to pay the price of the holiday club at the local sports centre, this was just a few moments after telling me she had spent nearly £700 on a fancy hotel and a meal with her hubby just last weekend!!! the holiday club is £130 for the week. Turns out her hubby isn’t actually working every day of the first week and will now have to change his plans to look after his own Son."

Actually fucking really?? That is a brass neck isn't it?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/04/2023 22:28

“Hi cf. I was a bit preoccupied yesterday as little one was crying. I won’t be able to take your dc to school going forward or pick him up. That’s too much of a commitment for me with a new born on the way. Just so you know to definitely rule me out of plans. Hope you get it sorted.”

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 22:30

"As I said, I am unable to help".

Don't justify yourself and certainly don't apologise to her.

Hankunamatata · 02/04/2023 22:31

I'd not reply as she is a CF in highest degree and block her number

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/04/2023 22:31

user143777534 · 02/04/2023 22:27

OMG she is a complete bitch. I know you live next to her but you are better to get at least some emotional distance rather than have a person like this in your life.

She is CF of the year.

Show quote history

Sorry - missed the updates.

”I’m a bit confused as I’ve said I can’t do it, and didn’t expect this to open a discussion. Please don’t ask me again as I’m not going to change my mind”

The height of CFery!

Judgyjudgy · 02/04/2023 22:31

whydid · 02/04/2023 22:05

I sent this text
"Good evening, in response to your childcare request this morning, I cannot commit to it and think it be best if you find permanent solution. Have a nice night x"

And she responded with

"hi, I'm just confused because it's not going out of your way, after school he will just be sitting in yours before either one of us gets home, as dh is self employed his jobs are important and he cannot afford to leave at school pick up and when the eldest arrives he will be entertaining them, you don't need to look after them and thought as a friend you would want to help out like I have told you plenty of times to send your son over but it's not my fault if you didn't take up the offer"

She sent that reply back at 9pm tonight so obviously been stewing on the reply. I haven't replied yet!

Show quote history

Wow! This makes me angry. I would just ignore her

Original poster
whydid · 02/04/2023 22:31

I've text back.

"I don't leave my child at your house because I know I wouldn't want to reciprocate any casual childmind back! I don't do these things. I don't expect anyone to do anything for my children. I did consider us friends but actually I'm thinking did you become my friend because of other motives? I've been happy to help out in emergencies but when I couldn't help once due to my child being off school, you ignored me and I really don't need the aggro of it all with all the expectations. It's better all around for you to find a permanent babysitter so Atleast you can rely on them properly. I will also have to sort my own childcare out next year and it's just not in my interest to take on it all. I have enough on my plate. If you take offence that's fine but I just cannot x"

Now I feel
Stupid for sending such a long winded response

OP posts:
Jezzballs2000 · 02/04/2023 22:32

wow that's unbelievable!

Judgyjudgy · 02/04/2023 22:32

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 02/04/2023 22:30

"As I said, I am unable to help".

Don't justify yourself and certainly don't apologise to her.

Or this if you must respond. I would avoid her like the plague from now on. I'm shocked at this CF

zurala · 02/04/2023 22:32

If you haven't already replied, leave it till the morning then say "it just won't work for me, it's not about "not wanting to help out" it's just too much for you to ask of me, especially when I'm about to have another baby. I'm confused that you think it's ok to expect me to be free childcare long term, actually."

You can leave the last sentence off if you prefer but bloody hell she's outrageous!

GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 02/04/2023 22:33

OP - do not allow her to take up any more of your time / headspace / worry. The very fact that your posting this suggests it’s got you anxious / het up. She had no right to childcare from you and you have the right and the power to shut this down right now and get back to your life n

Tell her clearly and firmly “No, I won’t be taking on childcare for X”.

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