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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School run dilemma.

567 replies

whydid · 01/04/2023 19:53

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

OP posts:
OhwhyOY · 02/04/2023 22:56

whydid · 02/04/2023 22:31

I've text back.

"I don't leave my child at your house because I know I wouldn't want to reciprocate any casual childmind back! I don't do these things. I don't expect anyone to do anything for my children. I did consider us friends but actually I'm thinking did you become my friend because of other motives? I've been happy to help out in emergencies but when I couldn't help once due to my child being off school, you ignored me and I really don't need the aggro of it all with all the expectations. It's better all around for you to find a permanent babysitter so Atleast you can rely on them properly. I will also have to sort my own childcare out next year and it's just not in my interest to take on it all. I have enough on my plate. If you take offence that's fine but I just cannot x"

Now I feel
Stupid for sending such a long winded response

Don't feel bad about sending a long response but in future I'd either call and speak to her properly or just say, 'I'm really sorry, as I've said, I can't commit to it. Hope you manage to find another solution soon. Good luck'. She may well reply again.

Very cheeky behaviour from her, I hope you don't feel at all guilty as you definitely shouldn't. It's one thing to ask, it's another to keep pushing when you've clearly said no. If she keeps arguing I'd just stop speaking to her, she's obviously not a friend in that case.

Nimbostratus100 · 02/04/2023 22:57

Flangeosaurus · 01/04/2023 19:55

Text her: Sorry I was a bit flustered before because x was crying! I’m sorry but I can’t help with your youngest in that way, I’ve got too much on with my own after school. Hope you manage to get sorted with it x

I think that is a good answer

Danikm151 · 02/04/2023 22:58

She evidently doesn’t realise she’s asked you to be an unpaid childminder.
you’ve told her it’s not going to work for you she needs to accept it. 5 days a week is a big commitment. What is she planning to do during the school holidays?

Lollipopsicle · 02/04/2023 22:59

whydid · 02/04/2023 22:31

I've text back.

"I don't leave my child at your house because I know I wouldn't want to reciprocate any casual childmind back! I don't do these things. I don't expect anyone to do anything for my children. I did consider us friends but actually I'm thinking did you become my friend because of other motives? I've been happy to help out in emergencies but when I couldn't help once due to my child being off school, you ignored me and I really don't need the aggro of it all with all the expectations. It's better all around for you to find a permanent babysitter so Atleast you can rely on them properly. I will also have to sort my own childcare out next year and it's just not in my interest to take on it all. I have enough on my plate. If you take offence that's fine but I just cannot x"

Now I feel
Stupid for sending such a long winded response

A bit long, but she should get the message from that. Not that she'll like it, of course. Well done you for having the balls to tell her though OP.

Theunamedcat · 02/04/2023 22:59

She's almost acting like she is the one doing YOU a favour like your an absolute fool if you don't take her up on it 😂

You WILL provide FREE CHILDCARE for my child you ungrateful person you! 😂

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 02/04/2023 23:00

Flangeosaurus · 01/04/2023 19:55

Text her: Sorry I was a bit flustered before because x was crying! I’m sorry but I can’t help with your youngest in that way, I’ve got too much on with my own after school. Hope you manage to get sorted with it x

This and obc say with the imminent arrival of a newborn it just wont work for you

Phoebo · 02/04/2023 23:00

She is a CF beyond belief, I cannot believe her rude response. I would avoid her going forward, she is no friend of yours

Nimbostratus100 · 02/04/2023 23:01

You are quite right to say no, it would be a major imposition into your family life, every evening, someone else's child with you when you got home..it would probably be illegal, anyway

LightDrizzle · 02/04/2023 23:02

Well done! 🙌🏻

Thisgirlcan21 · 02/04/2023 23:02

She knows exactly what she is doing. You have done the right thing! If their child is struggling one of them will need to adjust their work to help their own children.

doggypogs · 02/04/2023 23:03

@whydid she's so rude! Feet up now since your most recent response well done for sticking up for yourself!

Bunce1 · 02/04/2023 23:05

She’s got some cheek!

you’ve said no. If she replies again, reiterate. The answer is still no.

IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls · 02/04/2023 23:08

Good grief.

The word leech comes to mind .

Well done OP - this was certainly not friendship.

Onwards and upwards 😊

JackiePlace · 02/04/2023 23:09

Would you consider saying yes and helping her out?
When I was a baby my next door neighbour used to take me every afernoon and push me up and down the street in my pram. She became a very good and life long friend.
Plus, who knows when you might need a favour in return...

Mamamess · 02/04/2023 23:10

Good on you OP!! 👏
your first message was polite and direct then when provoked by her nasty response you rolled your sleeves up and told her straight!

Myneighbourskia · 02/04/2023 23:10

Well done, OP. She's a cheeky bitch.

qpmz · 02/04/2023 23:12

Flangeosaurus · 01/04/2023 19:55

Text her: Sorry I was a bit flustered before because x was crying! I’m sorry but I can’t help with your youngest in that way, I’ve got too much on with my own after school. Hope you manage to get sorted with it x

Why sorry? Especially twice? Do not say sorry!

StillWantingADog · 02/04/2023 23:13

Your last message was perfect. Good for you!
she is a total CF and needs to be put in her place

HaveSomeIntrospect · 02/04/2023 23:13

Good response, well done you

Scienceadvisory · 02/04/2023 23:15

JackiePlace · 02/04/2023 23:09

Would you consider saying yes and helping her out?
When I was a baby my next door neighbour used to take me every afernoon and push me up and down the street in my pram. She became a very good and life long friend.
Plus, who knows when you might need a favour in return...

Are you the friend? This isn't a favour being asked for. This is permanent after school childcare for free. Hundreds of hours of childcare. Do you really think that's acceptable to try to guilt somebody into?

TheMatriarchy · 02/04/2023 23:15

Unbelievably rude, quite astounding. Id be cold shouldering someone like that, you don't want people like that in your life. They don't change and it will be another thing she wants the second she gets the chance.

MakiSushi · 02/04/2023 23:16

The underlying tone of her messages is outrageous.

She’s basically saying her and her husband’s time is more important than yours as you’re just a mum looking after their children while husband and her spend their time making money. Yours is an easy gig so what do extra bodies matter?

Your response was a lot more measured than mine would be in these circumstances!

Well done OP - please keep us updated!

Hopelesscynic · 02/04/2023 23:18

JackiePlace · 02/04/2023 23:09

Would you consider saying yes and helping her out?
When I was a baby my next door neighbour used to take me every afernoon and push me up and down the street in my pram. She became a very good and life long friend.
Plus, who knows when you might need a favour in return...

You sound as thick and CF-ery as that neighbour.. 🙄

Well done OP for your response! Few years back I got roped into helping someone with childcare. She was a new "friend" or so I thought before I realised she was just a user. Took me awhile to stop the arrangement and I very much regret not looking after myself and standing up for myself a lot sooner. These CF-ers really need a good kick up the arse.

EL8888 · 02/04/2023 23:19

She’s something else! Her brass neck and cheek are impressive. “His jobs are important” really?! Why is that anyone else’s problem?! So you need to do her husbands share does she mean?! I’m pregnant and 2 weeks in front of you, no way would l take on extra commitments-especially for a total CF

MysteryBelle · 02/04/2023 23:21

I think you explained it well and it’s good that you pointed out to her that she seems to be friends with you to get you to do things for her. What she and her h do is oh so important, but not your time. You’re supposed to do her bidding. When you’re about to give birth! She has tremendous nerve. Saddling you with her responsibilities. There is no sane person in this world who could read those texts and side with her.