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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL going out

162 replies

Lopsylol · 01/04/2023 19:20

So I know this is none of my business just my opinion and I was wondering if people thought the same as me or not (I’m sure many of you will say it’s not my business and that’s okay I’m just someone quietly sat here in the corner it’s not like I’m actually going to say something to her)
so my SIL is literally 12 days out from having a c section and she’s going out on a boozy brunch today, her boyfriend well he’s out too because her mum has the baby tonight not sure what he is doing but AIBU to think that that is just too much too soon? Last thing I thought after having my baby was going out let alone after major surgery like surely at least one of them should be home with their new born?

OP posts:
Albiboba · 02/04/2023 10:18

@DixonD just because you aren’t ashamed to be a dick doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be.

As for how the baby should ONLY be with its mother, do fuck off.

I got my roots done when baby was 3 weeks, does that mean I’m not maternal?

How dare I not spend every single second breastfeeding my baby. I even got washed every day too. The nerve of me.

No one else wants to engage in your mummy martyr competition

SouthLondonMum22 · 02/04/2023 10:18

Newname221 · 02/04/2023 10:15

Baby probably slept through the whole thing.

Show quote history

I was going to say, when I left DS at 2 weeks, he had a bottle and slept the whole time.

Traumatised, clearly.

Botw1 · 02/04/2023 10:24

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

I dont see how.

@DixonD

My young babies were very often not with me.

I'm not their only parent for a start

Newname221 · 02/04/2023 10:24

SouthLondonMum22 · 02/04/2023 10:18

I was going to say, when I left DS at 2 weeks, he had a bottle and slept the whole time.

Traumatised, clearly.

Show quote history

My son was only awake for about 5-10 minutes at a time for months on end. Nothing wrong with him, he’s just lazy. He slept 6 hours through the night when he was 3 days old, and only woke once a night from birth. He was sleeping 13 hours non stop by about 8-9 weeks. Even now at just turned 1, he sleeps 13 hours per night, plus has 2x2-3h naps.

I could have probably left the country and he’d have slept through it 😂

Valerie65 · 02/04/2023 10:26

Fair play to her if she's well enough after having a c section. As long as she doesn't over do it all will be fine. I had a quick labour & recovery with my ds. 19 days later I was at a brilliant school reunion night & got back at 2am! Had very supportive parents who helped dh with looking after ds & our 3 year old dd. It was a one off special occasion that wild horses wouldn't have kept me away from. I had no trouble bonding with my new baby son who's now a fine young man. The only person that suffered this night out so soon after giving birth was me, with the hangover from hell after not drinking for 9 months. Thank god for my understanding parents & dh.

SouthLondonMum22 · 02/04/2023 10:29

Newname221 · 02/04/2023 10:24

My son was only awake for about 5-10 minutes at a time for months on end. Nothing wrong with him, he’s just lazy. He slept 6 hours through the night when he was 3 days old, and only woke once a night from birth. He was sleeping 13 hours non stop by about 8-9 weeks. Even now at just turned 1, he sleeps 13 hours per night, plus has 2x2-3h naps.

I could have probably left the country and he’d have slept through it 😂

Show quote history

My son is exactly the same. 😂

He's just about to turn 4 months and started sleeping 5 hour stretches from a week old and by 8 weeks, sleeping 7-7. He's such a chilled out baby so far.

Hoping we can avoid this 4 month sleep regression everyone keeps warning me about. 👀

LadyKenya · 02/04/2023 10:34

Also some new mothers can go out, and manage not to get trollied, or even drink at all! (hoickes unimpressive bosom).

InsertMoniker · 02/04/2023 10:34

Physically, it’s fine. It’s brunch not a marathon. Lots of people feel fine this far out from a C section (I did)

I was lucky enough to recover quickly too. And looking after a baby and toddler on my own during the day. A brunch would have been a welcome rest.

Newname221 · 02/04/2023 10:36

SouthLondonMum22 · 02/04/2023 10:29

My son is exactly the same. 😂

He's just about to turn 4 months and started sleeping 5 hour stretches from a week old and by 8 weeks, sleeping 7-7. He's such a chilled out baby so far.

Hoping we can avoid this 4 month sleep regression everyone keeps warning me about. 👀

Show quote history

My daughter slept through early too, and never had any regressions, but she was less keen to sleep through the day and dropped naps completely by 15 months 🫣No sleep regressions though!

My son has had a few periods where he wakes up through the night for a few nights; but nothing too hard to cope with.

However, as much as he sleeps a lot, oh my god when he’s awake he’s hard work. He is a happy wee soul, but is Always into something; I can’t leave him for even a second or he’s eating dog food/opening the oven/breaking things/climbing. My daughter was more “high needs” in that she screamed non stop for years on end; but I could sit her somewhere for 30 seconds while I peed. My son actively tries to Jill himself.

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 02/04/2023 10:38

LotteLomax · 01/04/2023 20:15

Exactly this. The body needs time to recover. It may not be your business but of course you can have an opinion and I’m totally with you, Op.

Show quote history

You think sitting down at a table for a couple of hours is going to impede this recovery? Do tell us more.

honeylulu · 02/04/2023 11:16

I'd say "that's nice" out loud but I'd slightly, silently judge too which I wouldn't be able to help. It just seems rather selfish and unmaternal. I'm far from an attachment parent/ mummy martyr and both mine were in nursery as babies so I could go back to work full time but leaving a 12 day old baby I could not have done. When my eldest was a few days old I had to go for an emergency dentist appointment and my mum looked after him for about 40 mins while my husband took me. It was almost like physical pain being separated from my tiny baby for that short time and my husband hated it too. I know someone who left her new born baby in hospital so she could go out for lunch (this was 30 years ago and wouldn't be allowed today) and I found it shocking then even though I was a child myself. Unsurprisingly she was always a distant mother, was vocal about not enjoying motherhood and when she left her husband she left their daughter behind too. I don't know the OP's SIL but this is who it reminded me of. I'm shocked at some of the "good for her" responses in contrast to the surrogacy thread where posters are saying how cruel it is to separate a baby from the birth mother when it's "all they know". But here it's "oh baby won't notice she is gone".

pictoosh · 02/04/2023 11:24

"I know someone who left her new born baby in hospital so she could go out for lunch (this was 30 years ago and wouldn't be allowed today) and I found it shocking then even though I was a child myself. Unsurprisingly she was always a distant mother, was vocal about not enjoying motherhood and when she left her husband she left their daughter behind too."

Yes we're all distant, unnatural creatures, biding our time until we can abandon our children for good.

'Unsurprisingly'

How small and lacking in scope can you be?

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 02/04/2023 11:24

honeylulu · 02/04/2023 11:16

I'd say "that's nice" out loud but I'd slightly, silently judge too which I wouldn't be able to help. It just seems rather selfish and unmaternal. I'm far from an attachment parent/ mummy martyr and both mine were in nursery as babies so I could go back to work full time but leaving a 12 day old baby I could not have done. When my eldest was a few days old I had to go for an emergency dentist appointment and my mum looked after him for about 40 mins while my husband took me. It was almost like physical pain being separated from my tiny baby for that short time and my husband hated it too. I know someone who left her new born baby in hospital so she could go out for lunch (this was 30 years ago and wouldn't be allowed today) and I found it shocking then even though I was a child myself. Unsurprisingly she was always a distant mother, was vocal about not enjoying motherhood and when she left her husband she left their daughter behind too. I don't know the OP's SIL but this is who it reminded me of. I'm shocked at some of the "good for her" responses in contrast to the surrogacy thread where posters are saying how cruel it is to separate a baby from the birth mother when it's "all they know". But here it's "oh baby won't notice she is gone".

I think that's probably because separating a baby from a mother forever is a bit different to separating a baby from a mother for a few hours...

pictoosh · 02/04/2023 11:25

No no it's the SAME...and a firm indication of how we ALL operate.

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 02/04/2023 11:27

pictoosh · 02/04/2023 11:25

No no it's the SAME...and a firm indication of how we ALL operate.

Lmfao.

Honestly, the bollocks on this thread is something else. It should be in Classics.

honeylulu · 02/04/2023 11:31

I may be "small and lacking in scope" but OP asked for opinions and that is mine.

BashirWithTheGoodBeard · 02/04/2023 11:34

Well, the OP is also being ridiculous so there's that.

But these threads are always hilarious though. The pearl clutching! I think my favourite feature is that there's invariably at least one person affecting not to understand how the baby can be fed in these circumstances, as though they haven't even sullied their brains with the concept of formula feeding. It never disappoints!

Personally, as someone who couldn't have got out of the door 12 days post partum I'm impressed when people can, like, go for walks and stuff.

Botw1 · 02/04/2023 11:35

@honeylulu

At what point does it stop bein unnatural to have time away from your children?

18?

SouthLondonMum22 · 02/04/2023 11:45

honeylulu · 02/04/2023 11:16

I'd say "that's nice" out loud but I'd slightly, silently judge too which I wouldn't be able to help. It just seems rather selfish and unmaternal. I'm far from an attachment parent/ mummy martyr and both mine were in nursery as babies so I could go back to work full time but leaving a 12 day old baby I could not have done. When my eldest was a few days old I had to go for an emergency dentist appointment and my mum looked after him for about 40 mins while my husband took me. It was almost like physical pain being separated from my tiny baby for that short time and my husband hated it too. I know someone who left her new born baby in hospital so she could go out for lunch (this was 30 years ago and wouldn't be allowed today) and I found it shocking then even though I was a child myself. Unsurprisingly she was always a distant mother, was vocal about not enjoying motherhood and when she left her husband she left their daughter behind too. I don't know the OP's SIL but this is who it reminded me of. I'm shocked at some of the "good for her" responses in contrast to the surrogacy thread where posters are saying how cruel it is to separate a baby from the birth mother when it's "all they know". But here it's "oh baby won't notice she is gone".

It just comes down to the fact that everyone is different. I missed my son when I went to dinner when he was 2 weeks but most definitely didn't feel any physical pain, I enjoyed my evening including getting back to him.

He's almost 4 months now and he has had two sleepovers, first time was at 6 weeks.

I don't think it makes me selfish, I think it means I have a good balance because I'm not just 'mum', I'm many things.

It doesn't make me any less of a mother than those who can't bare to be apart from them until they are 14.

InsertMoniker · 02/04/2023 11:53

I know someone who left her new born baby in hospital so she could go out for lunch

I did this too. My baby was in the SCBU. I'd been there 24/7 for two weeks. I had to eat. And yes, I had wine with lunch. Unsurprisingly I felt a bit better and ready for another stint.

worried4698643 · 02/04/2023 11:56

I read this exact scenario on here a few weeks ago.

Newname221 · 02/04/2023 11:58

Botw1 · 02/04/2023 11:35

@honeylulu

At what point does it stop bein unnatural to have time away from your children?

18?

Don’t be ridiculous, their brains aren’t fully formed til 25. I can’t believe you would be okay with leaving an 18 year old for a few hours for selfish reasons like “brunch” - nevermind the audacity to drink alcohol. You and your husband could trip over and DIE. How dare you put your 18 year old infants at risk of becoming orphans just because you can’t wait a few decades to go off and get drunk. I’m sure social work would be very interested to hear about this!

WandaWonder · 02/04/2023 11:59

I know someone who left their child at home and went to collect a parcel at the post office

The child was in their 40's but I was appalled

Botw1 · 02/04/2023 12:11

🤣

Newname221 · 02/04/2023 12:12

WandaWonder · 02/04/2023 11:59

I know someone who left their child at home and went to collect a parcel at the post office

The child was in their 40's but I was appalled

That’s gross. Kids are only young once, the parcel can wait!