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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL going out

162 replies

Lopsylol · 01/04/2023 19:20

So I know this is none of my business just my opinion and I was wondering if people thought the same as me or not (I’m sure many of you will say it’s not my business and that’s okay I’m just someone quietly sat here in the corner it’s not like I’m actually going to say something to her)
so my SIL is literally 12 days out from having a c section and she’s going out on a boozy brunch today, her boyfriend well he’s out too because her mum has the baby tonight not sure what he is doing but AIBU to think that that is just too much too soon? Last thing I thought after having my baby was going out let alone after major surgery like surely at least one of them should be home with their new born?

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 01/04/2023 20:48

I would judge a little.

Coffeellama · 01/04/2023 20:49

Totally unreasonable of her partner to go out when she is having her first drinks out after having a baby, he sounds useless! And totally unreasonable. Nice of you to judge and slag your SIL off more than because she’s female though. As for being post op, it’s really just none of your business at all.

OriginalUsername2 · 01/04/2023 20:49

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/04/2023 20:19

I would silently judge this- is it the worse thing- no, will the child be fine- yes, is it my business- no- but, if you can’t be selfless in the first few weeks of parenting then god help you.

You hit the nail on the head!

MajorCarolDanvers · 01/04/2023 20:51

Completely none of your business.

Not your baby. Not your body. You've not been asked to babysit.

pictoosh · 01/04/2023 20:53

"if you can’t be selfless in the first few weeks of parenting then god help you."

What nonsense is that?

Oigetoffmylawn · 01/04/2023 20:53

Obki · 01/04/2023 19:36

YANBU, NHS guidance is not to exert yourself too much for 6 weeks after a c-section.

Going for a meal with friends is hardly exerting yourself! I was going for lunch out at that point post c section.

batsandeggs · 01/04/2023 20:57

inappropriateraspberry · 01/04/2023 20:42

I would judge. Too soon, still early days and should be with the parents to bond.

Absolutely this. Grandparent babysitting overnight only 12 days in so the pair can go out boozing? Mental. I’m judging the boyfriend more to be honest, nothing wrong with someone going for a brunch but it would be nice to have one parent available only 12 days in…

Baffling responses on this thread, the OP has clearly stated it’s a silent judge and she’s not about to go confronting anyone telling them they’re bad parents.

Anywherebuthere · 01/04/2023 20:57

You're right its non of your business!

I think it's amazing she feels up to doing this and they are so lucky they have someone they trust to leave their baby with while they get a bit of break.

The last thing a new parent needs is judgemental views of others.

Rosebel · 01/04/2023 20:59

Wow. I was nowhere near up to going out 12 weeks after my last c section. I wouldn't want to leave my baby with anyone overnight at that age either.
That's me though. Obviously your SIL feels up to it. Think it's quite nice that grandparents want to help out too.

GlassBunion · 01/04/2023 21:00

Oh bollox to the ' I wouldn't judge' brigade... if she's ok about then that's great but I'd be raising an eyebrow.

MariaAmelie · 01/04/2023 21:05

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 01/04/2023 20:19

I would silently judge this- is it the worse thing- no, will the child be fine- yes, is it my business- no- but, if you can’t be selfless in the first few weeks of parenting then god help you.

Yes, exactly 😌

Botw1 · 01/04/2023 21:10

Do people really think a few hours or even a whole day or night away will affect bond?

Bet you weren't bothered with your oh going to work for the whole day after 2 weeks

Danielle9891 · 01/04/2023 21:11

Being a new mam is really hard. If this night out will help her feel almost normal and help her mental health then it's worth it.

I went for a meal at our local Indian restaurant when my daughter was 3 weeks old. It was nice to put on makeup and feel human again. Granted I was out less than 1.30 hours and I cried on the way home. But, I felt it really helped me feel more like myself and new mams have to look after their mental health.

MariaAmelie · 01/04/2023 21:12

pictoosh · 01/04/2023 20:46

What IS the issue? It's brunch. That's typically a couple of hours...three max...with two glasses of wine...maybe even a good natured third?
And what of it?

Should be at home bonding? Do fuck off.

So your a good mom if you go out and get drunk as fuck ( because after9 months of not drinking you absolutely get drunk from 3 glasses of wine) with a new born who's not even 2 weeks old??? What the fuck? You fuck off because if your not ready to be a mom then stay the fuck out and get drunk, don't have babies!! Plus shouldn't she supposed to pump to give her milk to the baby?? I mean it's only been 12 days it's not like she doesn't have milk at all, just saying :)

IDontWantToBeAPie · 01/04/2023 21:13

Everyone's different. So long as baby is safe and cared for it's nothing to do with you.

Albiboba · 01/04/2023 21:18

If you’re ever in doubt that it’s women who are women’s own worst enemy just revisit this thread.

Toottooot · 01/04/2023 21:20

MariaAmelie · 01/04/2023 21:12

So your a good mom if you go out and get drunk as fuck ( because after9 months of not drinking you absolutely get drunk from 3 glasses of wine) with a new born who's not even 2 weeks old??? What the fuck? You fuck off because if your not ready to be a mom then stay the fuck out and get drunk, don't have babies!! Plus shouldn't she supposed to pump to give her milk to the baby?? I mean it's only been 12 days it's not like she doesn't have milk at all, just saying :)

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Fuck off - perhaps the child is bottle fed. Does that make her a bad ma too?

Albiboba · 01/04/2023 21:21

MariaAmelie · 01/04/2023 21:12

So your a good mom if you go out and get drunk as fuck ( because after9 months of not drinking you absolutely get drunk from 3 glasses of wine) with a new born who's not even 2 weeks old??? What the fuck? You fuck off because if your not ready to be a mom then stay the fuck out and get drunk, don't have babies!! Plus shouldn't she supposed to pump to give her milk to the baby?? I mean it's only been 12 days it's not like she doesn't have milk at all, just saying :)

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You literally just made a whole bunch of stuff up. The woman had never said she’s going out to get ‘drunk as fuck’, she hasn’t said she was planning to drink never mind the number of glasses.
Now you’re suggesting she wasn’t ready to be a mother and anyone who goes out in the first few weeks after having a child, actually not anyone only a woman, would be better walking out on her child altogether?

You’re completely unhinged and actually just pretty nasty.

Botw1 · 01/04/2023 21:22

@MariaAmelie

I went out and got hammered when my second was 9 weeks.

Loved it.

And no, I didn't pump.

I was, given I had 2 kids, absolutely ready to be a mum.

Getting drunk has nothing to do with it

Anywherebuthere · 01/04/2023 21:23

MariaAmelie · 01/04/2023 21:12

So your a good mom if you go out and get drunk as fuck ( because after9 months of not drinking you absolutely get drunk from 3 glasses of wine) with a new born who's not even 2 weeks old??? What the fuck? You fuck off because if your not ready to be a mom then stay the fuck out and get drunk, don't have babies!! Plus shouldn't she supposed to pump to give her milk to the baby?? I mean it's only been 12 days it's not like she doesn't have milk at all, just saying :)

Show quote history

None of us have any idea of feeding arrangements and we don't need to know.

It could be formula, or she has enough bottles ready for the day already. Whatever it is I'm sure they have it all sorted.

It's really not the end of the world.

Botw1 · 01/04/2023 21:23

@Albiboba

Exactly

pictoosh · 01/04/2023 21:24

@MariaAmelie I'm 47 and have three children, one an adult and two nearly there. They all survived my parenting.
You fuck off.

Yellowrosesmakemehappy · 01/04/2023 21:25

@AlbibobaAgreed!!!!

NadjaCravensworth1 · 01/04/2023 21:25

Good on her, I would have loved to feel up to a boozy brunch at that point. Sounds like she's living her best life. You could try being happy for her? Might make you feel good too.

NadjaCravensworth1 · 01/04/2023 21:26

Turnipworkharder · 01/04/2023 19:39

The replies are so predictable on here.

Now if the
grandmother wanted to have the new born overnight the replies would be brutal 😁
A new born needs to bond with mum ect.

It's brunch.