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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL going out

162 replies

Lopsylol · 01/04/2023 19:20

So I know this is none of my business just my opinion and I was wondering if people thought the same as me or not (I’m sure many of you will say it’s not my business and that’s okay I’m just someone quietly sat here in the corner it’s not like I’m actually going to say something to her)
so my SIL is literally 12 days out from having a c section and she’s going out on a boozy brunch today, her boyfriend well he’s out too because her mum has the baby tonight not sure what he is doing but AIBU to think that that is just too much too soon? Last thing I thought after having my baby was going out let alone after major surgery like surely at least one of them should be home with their new born?

OP posts:
Botw1 · 01/04/2023 23:39

@Soontobemumof2x

Why?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/04/2023 08:00

Royalbloo · 01/04/2023 21:56

Have you had a kid?

Show quote history

Yes 2- and I’m no martyr but I do think a newborn with two healthy present parents doesn’t need to be passed around in the few few weeks.

custardbear · 02/04/2023 08:13

Really judgmental of you to be honest. Yes perhaps many of us wouldn't do that, but so what ... not your business and it says more about you than her

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/04/2023 08:18

custardbear · 02/04/2023 08:13

Really judgmental of you to be honest. Yes perhaps many of us wouldn't do that, but so what ... not your business and it says more about you than her

Not really- just tells us OPs opinion and that she wouldn’t do something like that.

LuvSmallDogs · 02/04/2023 08:25

I'm cringing at the possibility of someone whose tolerance has taken a hit from 9 months abstinence taking a drunken tumble while recovering from abdominal surgery, though I don't know how much of that is rational as no experience of C-Sections.

No judgement on leaving baby for a night out though.

ittakes2 · 02/04/2023 08:46

I was in hospital for 3 months on bedrest before I had my twins by an emergency C section. We had nothing for them so my m'n'law and sister came to the hospital on day 5 so my husband and I could go together for a few hours to choose things for the nursery. Yes I could have let my husband go by himself but I really wanted to experience that - my children were fine with my m'n'law and sister. People need to be the parent they want to be and unless they are harming their child I think people need to just let them get on with leading their lives.

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/04/2023 08:50

LuvSmallDogs · 02/04/2023 08:25

I'm cringing at the possibility of someone whose tolerance has taken a hit from 9 months abstinence taking a drunken tumble while recovering from abdominal surgery, though I don't know how much of that is rational as no experience of C-Sections.

No judgement on leaving baby for a night out though.

Brunch. Not a night out on the lash.

LadyKenya · 02/04/2023 08:57

Werehalfwaythere · 01/04/2023 22:18

As unpopular an opinion as it may be....

Yes, I think 12 days old is wayyyyy to young to be away from your parents for more than an hour or so, especially overnight (If I read that right?).

It took me over a year to spend anymore than an hour or two away. I just didn't trust anyone to keep them safe.

To be fair, that was your issue though. How many times on here have I seen the same thing, mums too scared to leave their young babies with anybody. Not trusting even their own mothers, who happened to raise them, with their own grandchildren. Sad.

pictoosh · 02/04/2023 08:58

"People need to be the parent they want to be and unless they are harming their child I think people need to just let them get on with leading their lives."

No. New mothers need to be entirely SELFLESS and hell mend you if you're not. You went out and enjoyed yourself, you unnatural, selfish thing. That's three hours of BONDING you have recklessly wasted.

Heh.

Teder · 02/04/2023 09:03

Werehalfwaythere · 01/04/2023 22:18

As unpopular an opinion as it may be....

Yes, I think 12 days old is wayyyyy to young to be away from your parents for more than an hour or so, especially overnight (If I read that right?).

It took me over a year to spend anymore than an hour or two away. I just didn't trust anyone to keep them safe.

I assume you wouldn’t like someone judging you for leaving it a year? Many parents are back at work when their babies are a fair bit younger that. Everyone does things differently!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/04/2023 09:08

pictoosh · 02/04/2023 08:58

"People need to be the parent they want to be and unless they are harming their child I think people need to just let them get on with leading their lives."

No. New mothers need to be entirely SELFLESS and hell mend you if you're not. You went out and enjoyed yourself, you unnatural, selfish thing. That's three hours of BONDING you have recklessly wasted.

Heh.

I don’t think new mothers need be selfless- I think new PARENTS need to be a selfless with a newborn- it’s a tiny amount of time in the grand scheme of child rearing

Botw1 · 02/04/2023 09:19

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

What does being selfless mean?

tenbob · 02/04/2023 09:25

Werehalfwaythere · 01/04/2023 22:18

As unpopular an opinion as it may be....

Yes, I think 12 days old is wayyyyy to young to be away from your parents for more than an hour or so, especially overnight (If I read that right?).

It took me over a year to spend anymore than an hour or two away. I just didn't trust anyone to keep them safe.

Refusing to be away from a 1 year old or thinking everyone else in the world would harm them is infinitely more weird than leaving a newborn for a few hours to go for brunch

wordonthestreetisthat · 02/04/2023 09:26

As long as she's a good mum, I love the fact that she's going out.

Too many of us mums stop doing everything we enjoy when a baby comes along.

Good on her!

WandaWonder · 02/04/2023 09:28

Not sure medically with regards to the c-section but I don't think there is a competition with who is velcro-ed to their baby the most

inappropriateraspberry · 02/04/2023 09:58

@CaptainMyCaptain OP specified a BOOZY brunch, so yes she's likely to be drunk.

Royalbloo · 02/04/2023 09:59

Noooooo! lol

Albiboba · 02/04/2023 10:01

inappropriateraspberry · 02/04/2023 09:58

@CaptainMyCaptain OP specified a BOOZY brunch, so yes she's likely to be drunk.

There’s actually nothing at all to suggest she’s ‘likely’ to be drunk. Boozy brunch just means there is alcohol available. Do you think every person who goes for a roast in a pub is drunk?
If you do you need to get out more. It’s entirely possible to be somewhere with alcohol and not get drink, and shock horror even not drink at all. Not that weird.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/04/2023 10:02

Botw1 · 02/04/2023 09:19

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

What does being selfless mean?

It’s means both parents not insisting on leaving a newborn to socialise - of course parents can go out, they can take it in turns. Dumping your new baby on someone else to go out with friends is selfish imo.

Newname221 · 02/04/2023 10:03

LuvSmallDogs · 02/04/2023 08:25

I'm cringing at the possibility of someone whose tolerance has taken a hit from 9 months abstinence taking a drunken tumble while recovering from abdominal surgery, though I don't know how much of that is rational as no experience of C-Sections.

No judgement on leaving baby for a night out though.

I drank half a bottle of champagne 3 days post c section. There is no reason to think that the mum would be falling about drunk.

A c section isn’t like most surgeries IMO because you are expected to move pretty much right after surgery - I walked from one end of the hospital to another to visit my son in NICU - alone - 12 hours after my surgery. They usually discharge you after 24h now.

LuvSmallDogs · 02/04/2023 10:03

@CaptainMyCaptain ah sorry, my brain picked up boozy and missed "brunch". Well whatever then!

Newname221 · 02/04/2023 10:06

inappropriateraspberry · 02/04/2023 09:58

@CaptainMyCaptain OP specified a BOOZY brunch, so yes she's likely to be drunk.

Boozy just means that you get a mimosa or two with it. I certainly wouldn’t be drunk on two mimosas! The last time I did a “boozy brunch” I had a Bloody Mary with some avocado, sourdough, and poached egg. They don’t serve you brunch with a side of a bottle of patron.

SouthLondonMum22 · 02/04/2023 10:11

I went out to dinner when DS was 2 weeks. I had some alcohol too. My parents had a lovely time watching him.

Somehow, we still managed to bond. Amazing, I know.

DixonD · 02/04/2023 10:13

YANBU.

That young, a baby should only be with its mother.

Is she not very maternal? I’m afraid, and not ashamed, to say I would judge her. Very much.

Newname221 · 02/04/2023 10:15

DixonD · 02/04/2023 10:13

YANBU.

That young, a baby should only be with its mother.

Is she not very maternal? I’m afraid, and not ashamed, to say I would judge her. Very much.

Baby probably slept through the whole thing.

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