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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have laid in to this old man?

383 replies

knobheadex · 31/03/2023 14:28

Something happened to me yesterday and I've been stewing on it ever since.

It's 3pm and I'm on the way to pick up the kids from school. I nip in the the local garage because I'm slightly early and need to pick up a few things anyway.

It's pretty busy so I wait my turn in the queue. When I get to the front I ask the friendly young guy for some low nicotine e-liquid. As part of the chat I mention how I usually buy Elf Bars but I'm trying to quit vaping now. Suddenly I'm aware of someone behind me shouting something, so I spun round to see what's going on. There's a tall, rotund white haired man standing at the back of the queue booming 'They'll all kill your anyway, love!'

I reply that I'm aware it's not healthy and that's why I'm trying to quit before turning back to pay for my stuff and get the hell out of there. But he's still shouting 'I don't drink and I've never smoked! You know why??! Because I'm the boss of this!' And he proceeds to tap the side of his head. 'I can do anything I put my mind to!'

I say 'thank you very much for the unsolicited advice random man' and carry on with the transaction. But he won't shut up. He's really belittling me now and suggesting that I am weak willed and pathetic for being addicted to something. I'm done paying now and turn to leave and he's yelling at me that his wife has emphysema because she smoked 40 a day. I say loudly 'Now I feel doubly sorry for your wife' and march towards the door.

He's still going, although I'm not sure exactly what he's shouting about now but I'm raging by this point. Who does he think he is? Would he be saying all of this to a man buying cigarettes? So I get to the door and then shout back at him 'Can do anything apparently, but can't mind your own fucking business or put down the pies long enough to drop a few inches off that waistband of yours'.

A few people in the queue gasped and I left feeling like I'd gone too far. Did I? Or did he deserve it, just a little bit?

OP posts:
SettlingForANewPassword · 31/03/2023 15:13

I would not give it a second thought. Okay, you regret at how you handled some of it- but do you think the man regrets anything? Unlikely.

The older I get the more willing i am to tell people to mind their own fucking business. I think it is good for them.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 15:13

Clymene · 31/03/2023 14:34

Did everyone cheer?

I'm sure they all did.

I expect they clapped as well, and carried OP shoulder high to the car park.

Original poster
knobheadex · 31/03/2023 15:14

crackofdoom · 31/03/2023 15:10

I would have applauded you. Men are going to keep on targeting women for verbal abuse until they get called out for it. I don't see a lot of difference between "quiet and dignified " and "standing there and taking it", tbh. Don't care if he was suffering for X, Y or Z reasons- who designated us as universal punchbags?

Yes! Thank you. I feel bad about the comment about his gut but he really does need to learn to mind his own fucking business.

OP posts:
FuckNuggets · 31/03/2023 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

How lovely for her children to have a mum who sticks up for herself when being abused in public by ranting wankers acting like 5 year olds

NorthernSpirit · 31/03/2023 15:15

I applaud your quick wittiness! 👏👏👏

Isittimeformynapyet · 31/03/2023 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/03/2023 15:16

Not sure why my post was deleted - I quoted another poster who had commented that the behaviour was in poor taste, as it was.

I do find the scenario as described, and the detailed addresses to the man, quite unusual - it seems like several carefully crafted phrases that would be hard to come up with on the spot, but fair enough.

My point stands - ignoring the man's rude, unwanted intrusion would have been the best way forward, and certainly denigrating his physical appearance and bringing is wife into it is really not appropriate. I think you let yourself down OP.

Original poster
knobheadex · 31/03/2023 15:17

Shefliesonherownwings · 31/03/2023 15:13

Call me a cynic but this sounds made up. It was credible up until the whole ‘people in the queue gasped’ bit. But like the humble brag posts that end with ‘and everyone applauded’ which are clearly fake. If this genuinely happened then I don’t think you were BU but it all sounds a bit far fetched. I can’t believe people in the queue would care enough about this to have gasped.

Yeah, sadly no applause or high fives for me. I was out of there pretty fast once I'd covered myself in glory. Definitely heard a tut and a gasp from a couple of the queuees.

OP posts:
SunshineGeorgie · 31/03/2023 15:18

Well you didn't really 'lay in to him' did you?

Technonan · 31/03/2023 15:18

He was probably in the early or middle stages of dementia - that kind of behaviour is typical. Why respond with a vile comment? Just smile at the rest of the queue and leave it.

RichardHeed · 31/03/2023 15:18

I think your behaviour was appalling and completely unnecessary
Appauling and completely unnecessary behaviour begets appalling and completing unnecessary behaviour.

cartagenagina · 31/03/2023 15:19

Clymene · 31/03/2023 14:34

Did everyone cheer?

Exactly what I was wondering 🤪

Justforlaffs · 31/03/2023 15:19

If this really happened - of which I have my doubts - you are my Hero OP.

Here, have a 🏅

RogerTheTodger · 31/03/2023 15:20

The problem is, @knobheadex, that a man like that will never learn to mind his fucking business. All an outburst like yours will do is reinforce his weird ideas about women. People like him are incorrigible and are definitely best given a steely look and a clipped "thanks", followed by the cold shoulder.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/03/2023 15:20

RichardHeed · 31/03/2023 15:18

I think your behaviour was appalling and completely unnecessary
Appauling and completely unnecessary behaviour begets appalling and completing unnecessary behaviour.

I disagree.

No-one wins if everyone descends to the same level. Do you think that man now is reflecting on his approach and words? Of course not.

I think abusing anyone about their weight and relationship is poor form.

There's a difference between being assertive and being rude.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/03/2023 15:21

RogerTheTodger · 31/03/2023 15:20

The problem is, @knobheadex, that a man like that will never learn to mind his fucking business. All an outburst like yours will do is reinforce his weird ideas about women. People like him are incorrigible and are definitely best given a steely look and a clipped "thanks", followed by the cold shoulder.

100% this.

GobbieMaggie · 31/03/2023 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Exactly.

SheikYerboutiii · 31/03/2023 15:21

EarringsandLipstick · 31/03/2023 15:16

Not sure why my post was deleted - I quoted another poster who had commented that the behaviour was in poor taste, as it was.

I do find the scenario as described, and the detailed addresses to the man, quite unusual - it seems like several carefully crafted phrases that would be hard to come up with on the spot, but fair enough.

My point stands - ignoring the man's rude, unwanted intrusion would have been the best way forward, and certainly denigrating his physical appearance and bringing is wife into it is really not appropriate. I think you let yourself down OP.

Because you’re troll Hunting. You think you might be being subtle with your silly little strike through text and comments like your middle
paragraph but it’s against the rules and you full well know it. If you think it’s a troll post report it, otherwise don’t fucking comment.

Alargeoneplease89 · 31/03/2023 15:22

Seriously I would of been more pissed off that you took so long to make a payment. My transactions take literally 2 minutes.

leatherlovingluke · 31/03/2023 15:22

Ooh well done, I am very impressed with you coming up with a response like that so quickly.
Have a 🙌 from me.

LadyVictoriaSponge · 31/03/2023 15:23

Amotherlife · 31/03/2023 14:33

I'd would have ignored him from the off. Far more powerful and effective. By answering rudely you were both encouraging him to keep going and lowering yourself to his standards.

Agreed, I would have just ignored him, most people would have just rolled their eyes at him and had a lot of sympathy for you, but my ranting back at him you have just embarrassed yourself I’m afraid and made a situation far worse than it needed to be.

TheVanguardSix · 31/03/2023 15:23

I expect they clapped as well, and carried OP shoulder high to the car park.

😆😆😆

SunshineGeorgie · 31/03/2023 15:23

Justforlaffs · 31/03/2023 15:19

If this really happened - of which I have my doubts - you are my Hero OP.

Here, have a 🏅

Oh is it one of 'those' threads!?

Suppose it is end of term

Isittimeformynapyet · 31/03/2023 15:23

NorthernSpirit · 31/03/2023 15:15

I applaud your quick wittiness! 👏👏👏

Yup, that's exactly what OP wants us all to do

Thelmsie · 31/03/2023 15:24

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