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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have laid in to this old man?

383 replies

knobheadex · 31/03/2023 14:28

Something happened to me yesterday and I've been stewing on it ever since.

It's 3pm and I'm on the way to pick up the kids from school. I nip in the the local garage because I'm slightly early and need to pick up a few things anyway.

It's pretty busy so I wait my turn in the queue. When I get to the front I ask the friendly young guy for some low nicotine e-liquid. As part of the chat I mention how I usually buy Elf Bars but I'm trying to quit vaping now. Suddenly I'm aware of someone behind me shouting something, so I spun round to see what's going on. There's a tall, rotund white haired man standing at the back of the queue booming 'They'll all kill your anyway, love!'

I reply that I'm aware it's not healthy and that's why I'm trying to quit before turning back to pay for my stuff and get the hell out of there. But he's still shouting 'I don't drink and I've never smoked! You know why??! Because I'm the boss of this!' And he proceeds to tap the side of his head. 'I can do anything I put my mind to!'

I say 'thank you very much for the unsolicited advice random man' and carry on with the transaction. But he won't shut up. He's really belittling me now and suggesting that I am weak willed and pathetic for being addicted to something. I'm done paying now and turn to leave and he's yelling at me that his wife has emphysema because she smoked 40 a day. I say loudly 'Now I feel doubly sorry for your wife' and march towards the door.

He's still going, although I'm not sure exactly what he's shouting about now but I'm raging by this point. Who does he think he is? Would he be saying all of this to a man buying cigarettes? So I get to the door and then shout back at him 'Can do anything apparently, but can't mind your own fucking business or put down the pies long enough to drop a few inches off that waistband of yours'.

A few people in the queue gasped and I left feeling like I'd gone too far. Did I? Or did he deserve it, just a little bit?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 31/03/2023 14:44

knobheadex · 31/03/2023 14:42

I did wonder afterwards if he was pissed, or mentally unwell or something. But I'm so sick and tired of busy body men telling me what to do, his behaviour really got my back up. Why did he need to boom across the busy shop about how clean living he is and with such a brilliant mind? Why does he think I give a shit?
He generally had the air of someone who thinks he knows best and certainly a lot more than a silly little woman like me.

Perhaps read around neurological issues and you'd find your answer why someone might behave like this.

Original poster
knobheadex · 31/03/2023 14:44

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 31/03/2023 14:41

Why do people automatically try and diagnose people with mental health/medical issues - some people are just assholes, no diagnosis needed

Right. My dad died of vascular dementia at the age of 63. I worked with Alzheimer's sufferers and dementia patients for years. I can spot the difference between dementia and your common or garden opinionated wanker.

OP posts:
MMMarmite · 31/03/2023 14:45

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 31/03/2023 14:41

Why do people automatically try and diagnose people with mental health/medical issues - some people are just assholes, no diagnosis needed

Yes this annoys me too. He might be mentally ill, or just an abusive dick with no boundaries.

IWineAndDontDine · 31/03/2023 14:45

Clymene · 31/03/2023 14:34

Did everyone cheer?

🤣 my thoughts too

Clymene · 31/03/2023 14:46

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Amotherlife · 31/03/2023 14:47

IWineAndDontDine · 31/03/2023 14:45

🤣 my thoughts too

Show quote history

Where I live, in the normal world, people would have shuffled and eyed each other awkwardly.

TheVanguardSix · 31/03/2023 14:47

Jesus. I couldn’t be bothered to even give this guy the energy. I think you were both giving it your trashiest best, I’m afraid.

MMMarmite · 31/03/2023 14:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I'm glad they have a mum who can confidently defend herself when she is shouted at and called "pathetic" by a complete stranger.

x2boys · 31/03/2023 14:48

Hmm🙄

Hoppinggreen · 31/03/2023 14:50

MMMarmite · 31/03/2023 14:48

I'm glad they have a mum who can confidently defend herself when she is shouted at and called "pathetic" by a complete stranger.

Show quote history

Mine have one of these
They also have one who does so without shouting or screaming at strangers.
You weren’t wrong to defend yourself OP but you didn’t need to behave like that

BellePeppa · 31/03/2023 14:50

Good for you but I would have totally ignored and not acknowledged him in any way.

xPaz · 31/03/2023 14:50

You went easy on him.
I would have asked him if berating strangers is the only way he gets to feel wise now. [Head Tilt] bless your heart.

Minfilia · 31/03/2023 14:51

Sounds like he needed bringing down a peg or two. I wouldn’t have dared do it myself but I think he totally deserved it!

PrincessHoneysuckle · 31/03/2023 14:53

The pie comment was overkill

TinaYouFatLard · 31/03/2023 14:53

I don’t think you covered yourself in glory tbh.

Xmasbaby11 · 31/03/2023 14:53

I’d just ignore. Your responding made it escalate and I’d want to avoid that.

Choconut · 31/03/2023 14:54

I think you did admirably OP, why shouldn't you hold your own.

CantBeArsedOrAsked · 31/03/2023 14:54

No point in responding, you only showed that his remarks upset you
He was either mentally unwell or just weird and wanting to get a reaction from you, which he did.

Trinity65 · 31/03/2023 14:54

knobheadex · 31/03/2023 14:28

Something happened to me yesterday and I've been stewing on it ever since.

It's 3pm and I'm on the way to pick up the kids from school. I nip in the the local garage because I'm slightly early and need to pick up a few things anyway.

It's pretty busy so I wait my turn in the queue. When I get to the front I ask the friendly young guy for some low nicotine e-liquid. As part of the chat I mention how I usually buy Elf Bars but I'm trying to quit vaping now. Suddenly I'm aware of someone behind me shouting something, so I spun round to see what's going on. There's a tall, rotund white haired man standing at the back of the queue booming 'They'll all kill your anyway, love!'

I reply that I'm aware it's not healthy and that's why I'm trying to quit before turning back to pay for my stuff and get the hell out of there. But he's still shouting 'I don't drink and I've never smoked! You know why??! Because I'm the boss of this!' And he proceeds to tap the side of his head. 'I can do anything I put my mind to!'

I say 'thank you very much for the unsolicited advice random man' and carry on with the transaction. But he won't shut up. He's really belittling me now and suggesting that I am weak willed and pathetic for being addicted to something. I'm done paying now and turn to leave and he's yelling at me that his wife has emphysema because she smoked 40 a day. I say loudly 'Now I feel doubly sorry for your wife' and march towards the door.

He's still going, although I'm not sure exactly what he's shouting about now but I'm raging by this point. Who does he think he is? Would he be saying all of this to a man buying cigarettes? So I get to the door and then shout back at him 'Can do anything apparently, but can't mind your own fucking business or put down the pies long enough to drop a few inches off that waistband of yours'.

A few people in the queue gasped and I left feeling like I'd gone too far. Did I? Or did he deserve it, just a little bit?

Hahaha

Nope, NBU at all OP and he probably wouldn't have said anything to a Man so I agree there too.

He sounds like an older version of the character The Oracle from Benidorm. ie A Know It All Bore.

whatausername · 31/03/2023 14:55

LOL bravo! Act like a dickhead, get treated like a dickhead.

friendlycat · 31/03/2023 14:56

Blossomtoes · 31/03/2023 14:42

This. Six of one and half dozen of the other. I’d have been appalled at the pair of you.

Show quote history

Quite agree

pixie5121 · 31/03/2023 14:57

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

MarchingBand · 31/03/2023 14:58

I would have ignored him. Not acknowledging him has far greater power than stooping to his level.

Dominoeffecter · 31/03/2023 14:58

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

I don’t get why you need to bandy around the word ‘bully’ ridiculous

ShirleyPhallus · 31/03/2023 14:59

Did everyone in the queue applaud?

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