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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have laid in to this old man?

383 replies

knobheadex · 31/03/2023 14:28

Something happened to me yesterday and I've been stewing on it ever since.

It's 3pm and I'm on the way to pick up the kids from school. I nip in the the local garage because I'm slightly early and need to pick up a few things anyway.

It's pretty busy so I wait my turn in the queue. When I get to the front I ask the friendly young guy for some low nicotine e-liquid. As part of the chat I mention how I usually buy Elf Bars but I'm trying to quit vaping now. Suddenly I'm aware of someone behind me shouting something, so I spun round to see what's going on. There's a tall, rotund white haired man standing at the back of the queue booming 'They'll all kill your anyway, love!'

I reply that I'm aware it's not healthy and that's why I'm trying to quit before turning back to pay for my stuff and get the hell out of there. But he's still shouting 'I don't drink and I've never smoked! You know why??! Because I'm the boss of this!' And he proceeds to tap the side of his head. 'I can do anything I put my mind to!'

I say 'thank you very much for the unsolicited advice random man' and carry on with the transaction. But he won't shut up. He's really belittling me now and suggesting that I am weak willed and pathetic for being addicted to something. I'm done paying now and turn to leave and he's yelling at me that his wife has emphysema because she smoked 40 a day. I say loudly 'Now I feel doubly sorry for your wife' and march towards the door.

He's still going, although I'm not sure exactly what he's shouting about now but I'm raging by this point. Who does he think he is? Would he be saying all of this to a man buying cigarettes? So I get to the door and then shout back at him 'Can do anything apparently, but can't mind your own fucking business or put down the pies long enough to drop a few inches off that waistband of yours'.

A few people in the queue gasped and I left feeling like I'd gone too far. Did I? Or did he deserve it, just a little bit?

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 31/03/2023 14:59

Ponoka7 · 31/03/2023 14:42

Like pp I know a few people who have dementia, MH issues, Neurological issues who would have carried on like that, so I would have ignored it. They can all still drive. I'd wonder what was going on for you that you had to engage.

Oh look at you, all high and mighty

theemmadilemma · 31/03/2023 15:00

I'd have been dying laughing at this: 'thank you very much for the unsolicited advice random man'

YouJustDoYou · 31/03/2023 15:00

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 31/03/2023 14:41

Why do people automatically try and diagnose people with mental health/medical issues - some people are just assholes, no diagnosis needed

Exactly.

SantanaBinLorry · 31/03/2023 15:01

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hahaha. Amazing, the kids weren't even there 😂
If they were they would have learned from their kick ass Mum that you don't have to take crap from random strangers!

YouJustDoYou · 31/03/2023 15:01

theemmadilemma · 31/03/2023 15:00

I'd have been dying laughing at this: 'thank you very much for the unsolicited advice random man'

I'm saving this line just in case for future use 😂

pixie5121 · 31/03/2023 15:01

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request.

RogerTheTodger · 31/03/2023 15:01

You were being massively unreasonable, if this is what you actually did.

You should have just ignored him, or said "thanks" in an uninterested manner. You didn't just stoop to his level, but went way beyond it.

Zippedydoo123 · 31/03/2023 15:01

Sounds definitely a mental health problem on his part plus he still feels the bereavement.

I ignore people like that myself as I stay away from drama queens who don't even know me.

Changedmymindtoday · 31/03/2023 15:02

Fair play! Well worded!!! Kudos

RogerTheTodger · 31/03/2023 15:02

YouJustDoYou · 31/03/2023 15:01

I'm saving this line just in case for future use 😂

Show quote history

It's used a lot on MN.

YouJustDoYou · 31/03/2023 15:02

So what we can conclude from some these holier than thou posters OP is that you should've stayed quiet like a good little girl and taken the abuse like women are supposed to. Betting he wouldn't have given a 6'5 man abuse like that.

Ludo19 · 31/03/2023 15:03

Uh huh sure.

Original poster
knobheadex · 31/03/2023 15:03

RogerTheTodger · 31/03/2023 15:01

You were being massively unreasonable, if this is what you actually did.

You should have just ignored him, or said "thanks" in an uninterested manner. You didn't just stoop to his level, but went way beyond it.

Yes, I think that's what I've been stewing about. I could have handled myself better, but he just caught me completely off guard and really got under my skin with some of his comments. I wish people in the queue had applauded, then I wouldn't be feeling bad about what I said. The gasps told me straight away I'd gone too far.

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 31/03/2023 15:04

YouJustDoYou · 31/03/2023 15:02

So what we can conclude from some these holier than thou posters OP is that you should've stayed quiet like a good little girl and taken the abuse like women are supposed to. Betting he wouldn't have given a 6'5 man abuse like that.

Not at all, she was right to challenge the man but there are ways of doing it that don’t make you sound as bad as him.

EarringsandLipstick · 31/03/2023 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Justalittlebitduckling · 31/03/2023 15:06

Given the context of your comment, fair enough.

cupofteaandabiccyplease · 31/03/2023 15:06

I have a short fuse but I would have ignored him and carried on with what I was doing. I'm a bit of a snob, I don't shout at people in public unless there is a risk of danger to them or others.

FrostyFifi · 31/03/2023 15:06

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Maybe he's think twice before bothering another woman.

Dominoeffecter · 31/03/2023 15:07

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

It’s not, if anyone was ‘bullying’ it was him.

Ponoka7 · 31/03/2023 15:07

YouJustDoYou · 31/03/2023 14:59

Oh look at you, all high and mighty

Show quote history

No, just worked across enough sectors to pick up on what might be going on for someone. My sister has started with neurological issues and she over talks/fusses, completely none aggressive though and I'm always grateful when she is treated with kindness. We currently fear for one of our friends who has developed what Bruce Willis has, being make he's more likely to get a aggressive reaction. The alternative is complete isolation.

Dinopawus · 31/03/2023 15:09

Clymene · 31/03/2023 14:34

Did everyone cheer?

And clap?

Ponoka7 · 31/03/2023 15:09

Being male, that should have said.

crackofdoom · 31/03/2023 15:10

I would have applauded you. Men are going to keep on targeting women for verbal abuse until they get called out for it. I don't see a lot of difference between "quiet and dignified " and "standing there and taking it", tbh. Don't care if he was suffering for X, Y or Z reasons- who designated us as universal punchbags?

ilovesooty · 31/03/2023 15:12

You could simply have pointed out that his unsolicited advice wasn't required.

I think you know you embarrassed yourself by reacting like that.

Shefliesonherownwings · 31/03/2023 15:13

Call me a cynic but this sounds made up. It was credible up until the whole ‘people in the queue gasped’ bit. But like the humble brag posts that end with ‘and everyone applauded’ which are clearly fake. If this genuinely happened then I don’t think you were BU but it all sounds a bit far fetched. I can’t believe people in the queue would care enough about this to have gasped.