Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

[username98765]

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

There are a couple of weddings on the horizon where I think my DH will end up being the plus one for his mother, which I'm actually fine with. It's people that I don't see a lot (in one instance I've never actually met the bride), and to be honest, if I was inviting in their shoes, I'd invite my friends over distant family!

I will be fuming on my MILs behalf if she doesn't get an invite tho!

Doesn't matter, it's still rude.

Where do you draw the line with partners? If you invite one partner, you might then cause acrimony for not inviting others, including very short-term partners. If you want to be a default 'plus one' get married yourselves.

Put it like this; If you have a group of 4 friends who are all in couples and you have 4 spaces left at your wedding, (assuming you don't have an extra £50ph to spend on extras) you can either invite 2 of them and say they can bring plus ones and snub 2 of your friends in the process or invite all 4 people that you want on your wedding day and leave off their plus ones.

That said I would 100% say " I'm sorry we can't include partners due to capacity/budget restraints" when Inviting them.

Weddings are just license for bridezillas these days. Hence I avoid them actively.

When did it become OK to say that "we only like one of you, hence this invite". It's hurtful, causes conflict and just isn't necessary.

I find it very odd. I can understand it if say, someone is inviting a group of workmates, but not when it is someone who is family or friends with both of the couple.

I am cringing reading some of the replies of "I was furious", "an invitation was magically found for me". That is incredibly rude and childish behaviour.

I can see why not being invited could be hurtful if you socialise or see the couple regularly but surely in some circumstances it's quite normal not to invite partners? At our wedding we had several work friends - about 10 each. Inviting 20 extra people who we didn't necessarily know well, and who wouldn't necessarily have known many people just didn't make sense. We've had the same happen in reverse and I certainly didn't start kicking off and demanding an invite/insisting my husband stay home just because I didn't get invited to the wedding of his random work pal 😂🙈

I think this is one of those things that I read about on here and just cannot relate to in real life.

YABU. Weddings are incredibly expensive. My own was over a decade ago, there were people there who I've not seen since, I paid over £100 per head in early 2010s prices.

Only a complete bitch would only invite one partner.

Why are you attacking rhe bride, why do you not think it was the grooms decision.

pot meet kettle

I get it if they were having an old school friends reunion table, they'd maybe both gone to the same school and there was a reasonable number of old school friends, why you would only invite one. But aside from that it seems quite weird and rude.

My husband was invited to two weddings last year alone.

One was an old school friend I’ve never met and the other was a work colleague I’ve never heard of, let alone met.

I wouldn’t have been expected to be invited to a wedding of someone I’ve never set eyes on just because I am married to the person invited, food per head can be so expensive and I am glad as I am tight .

*wouldn’t have expected. Gah, I am tired.

How spectacularly rude and unnecessary. You don't know these people and you don't know what happened.

Flip me there's so many posters here lacking in manners...

@username98765 I can raise your stakes here. SIL invited DH and not me. I'd known her for 25+ years since she was at school, had stayed over often with the ILs. Only the two siblings, parents had passed by the time she was getting married. We'd been married 20+ years, had 3 children, her closest blood relatives apart from DH. Never a cross word. Very different but always civil. She was a bridesmaid at ours - demanded to be! - and brought some random BF, insisted on having him in family photos and it wasn't long after until she had moved on.

I knew she was having a small wedding and there were very good reasons for that. It was still a bit of a kick in the teeth when the invite arrived for DH only! I didn't care whether I went or not (with 3 youngish children, the not going was the easier option). It was the principle of it, and I felt that it sent out a very clear message...

What did upset me (and if I am honest, it still rankles a tiny bit years later if I think about it) was that DH couldn't see anything wrong with it? I would never have wanted/expected him not to go, and he did go, but I would have liked him to appreciate the snub that it clearly was - especially when I found out that a cousin of theirs and her DH were invited!

The kids and I were asked to the evening do and dutifully travelled 2 hours there and 2 hours home although tbh it was the last place I wanted to be. She didn't come and speak to us, and she didn't get any photos with her DNs (she's never been that interested in them anyway to be fair).

I think if it had been handled differently, I might have felt less meh about it? She could have spoken to me and explained that she had to cut numbers etc. She has never once made any reference to it and neither have I.

I'm just still a little bemused - amused too in some ways.

I must reiterate, I really didn't care about the wedding. It was the exclusion that stung a little. It did cut costs lol, kids and I didn't get new outfits, just wore something we already had!

Ah, I guess if you're paying over £100 per head there lies the problem. I wouldn't spend that either. I don't see the point.

People that invite half of a couple are prioritising their needs above their guests. If they can't afford to invite both people then shouldn't invite either. The only time I would accept as an individual is if I was invited alongside work colleagues that also weren't accompanied.

It's pretty rubbish to be a lone guest making small talk with a friend's extended family all day without a partner.

I think it depends how well you know either of the couple. I wouldn’t want to go if I didn’t really know them or anyone else there. If you know them very well then yes that is indeed strange.

Weddings just bring out so much resentment and anger unfortunately.

We invited all partners including my DAunts boyfriend of 3 months who we had never met. They married 18 months later in a fairly large wedding and DH and I were only invited to the church ceremony, as was my cousin and other aunt (so her niece and sister). I declined as it would have been a 7-hour round trip to sit in a church for up to an hour and then have the dubious honour of watching the rest of the family head to the reception venue. Aunt has never spoken to me again since I politely declined the invite (gave a childcare excuse), but I’m upset to have been basically snubbed as by law anyone can attend a church wedding ceremony so really it was no invite at all. Other aunt and cousin didn’t go either due to distance.

So, weddings can be shitty sometimes depending on how we all behave and other people’s perceptions if they think they have been slighted. Some of us have valid reasons, some not.

.... alongside work colleagues that also weren't accompanied.

or old school / university friends, or hobby / sports teams, or friends from old work places, or anywhere you go as an individual?

I think a couple getting married are allowed to prioritise their needs?

I see them just as much as dp does! Sorry it's hard to reply to all comments!

Honestly it's probably a numbers thing and trying to be fair. Is there like a group of people who are of a similar friendship level to your partner and they just can't afford all their partners as well? Going through this with a family party at the moment. Room only sits 40. If we invite cousins there are six, if we invite their partners as well (which will mean them bringing the children), it comes to 20 people. Not fair to invite just 2 or 3 with partners, so all six are invited on their own.
You might get to go if there are a second round of invitations after people RSVP.

Absolutely not! It was left on the kitchen table this morning!

We did this. But only when we hadn’t met the other half. For example DH’s work friends came solo despite having long term partners - but we followed the etiquette they had set previously and it worked fine for all of us

we also had an extremely small wedding so nobody bought a plus one unless both of us knew both of the couple.

I don’t get the fuss over it to be honest

I think it’s odd. To me, weddings are about unions being celebrated. So it seems contradictory to then only invite one half of other unions.

I’m not a big fan of weddings but I think the best part of them is having a dance with DP in a romantic atmosphere. I’d feel a bit miffed if he wasn’t there.

But I also hate the ‘no married’ thing. DP and I have been together 15 years with all a long term relationship entails. I’d think friends or bonkers were completely batshit if they didn’t treat it is a proper relationship without us being married.