Page 16 | Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

Wfhandbored · 01/04/2023 19:22

@Thepeopleversuswork yep I agree 100% with this. I have close friends who's established partners I've met once or twice who I wouldn't be inviting and would understand if they didn't invite mine. Mine wouldn't want to go to a wedding of people he didn't know anyway!

carlynatasha · 01/04/2023 19:26

My husband is actually at his friends wedding today (day and night), I was invited to the evening do but as it is a bit of a way to travel and I didn’t fancy having driving there and back on my own, I politely declined.

OP - I am of the same opinion as you - myself and DH got married last year and whilst we did invite partners to the day (even if there was a couple we would have preferred not to… 😂) we did so as we felt that was the “right” thing to do and wanted our close friends or family to be able have their partners there with them. It was also a chance to get to know them better as people who meant a lot to our loved ones.

However, others may feel differently and I equally understand from experience that weddings are expensive, especially food & drink etc and it is the bride and grooms day to invite who they wish, so I was in no way offended for not being invited to the day today. I personally have never met the bride and have only met the groom a handful of times so thought it was lovely they even invited me to the evening. If I’d know them for years I may feel slightly differently and wonder why, but hey ho, they’re day - their decision.

Plus not going to lie - I ordered myself a Chinese tonight and I’m currently enjoying the peace & quiet and having a night to myself 😁

carlynatasha · 01/04/2023 19:27

their ^

browneyes77 · 01/04/2023 19:29

YANBU to feel upset about it

When my best friend (now ex best friend) who I was also MOH for, did her wedding invites, she didn’t invite my DP.

I mentioned it and she said it was because she didn’t really know him well. I was ok with that initially. After all it was her wedding, she should be comfortable with whoever she wants to invite (my DP wasn’t happy but I explained she didn’t know him very well and it was her choice etc).

That was until I noticed her saying hello to her cousins DP who she’d actually never met (heard her saying “oh it’s nice to finally meet you!”) and thanked him for coming. I sat on a table of all our friends and their partners and I was the only one who didn’t have my partner there. That was the point I felt quite hurt.

When one of my DP’s mates got married, I’d never even met the guy. But I was still invited to the entire wedding and reception 🤷🏽‍♀️

Reigateforever · 01/04/2023 19:37

When people look back at their wedding photos many of the couples that were present have broken up, maybe more of those were the unmarried ones.

Sugarfree23 · 01/04/2023 19:47

Reigateforever · 01/04/2023 19:37

When people look back at their wedding photos many of the couples that were present have broken up, maybe more of those were the unmarried ones.

I look back at mine after 13 years, only two couples have split.

2 couples both gone,
3 women now widowed
2 'friends & partners' I never see.

Fluffmum · 01/04/2023 19:50

I just attended a wedding with friends as partners weren’t invited. It’s just too expensive today

sussexpud · 01/04/2023 19:53

shocked at the responses here. Absolutely there should be an invite for a partner of 9 years. YANBU.

LadyPatriciaC · 01/04/2023 20:06

I quite agree, although my husband would decline such an invitation. We are a couple, he wouldn’t attend alone. We would contribute towards costs if we really wanted to go.

Tellmethespoiler · 01/04/2023 20:07

Solonge · 01/04/2023 19:08

People can justify all they want. Its rude, its bad mannered. You invite a couple. Nothing to do with their day their choice. They should be acting like grown ups. Frankly I wouldnt go if my partner wasnt invited.

It’s not. The guests should act like grown-ups and not toddlers. If they don’t know the bride/groom, they shouldn’t expect an invite. You don’t just get to tag along to a stranger’s wedding party just because your husband/wife knows them. Have some manners.

GirlOfTudor · 01/04/2023 20:08

People who don't like the partner very much!

MissingMoominMamma · 01/04/2023 20:12

Ratataty · 31/03/2023 10:03

My husband's cousin has just invited him and my eldest child to his wedding. We've been married 22 years and have 3 adult/teenage kids. Do I care? No, they're a lovely couple, known him since he was a kid but it's their celebration, their money, I'm happy for them. I think you need to give your head a wobble.

That’s really weird!

RosaBonheur · 01/04/2023 20:12

Tellmethespoiler · 01/04/2023 20:07

It’s not. The guests should act like grown-ups and not toddlers. If they don’t know the bride/groom, they shouldn’t expect an invite. You don’t just get to tag along to a stranger’s wedding party just because your husband/wife knows them. Have some manners.

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Of course it's rude. It's a sign that the bride and groom don't really give a shit whether their guest has a good time at their wedding.

pollymere · 01/04/2023 20:15

Three/four months before my wedding, I got invited to a wedding without my fiancé. My brother who was getting married two months after me was also invited without a plus one. My Mum rang up very confused to be told only serious partners were invited and they hadn't known about our partners (despite having received my wedding invite). So we went and saw my cousins with their partners of just a few months. We ended up just laughing and fielding questions about where our partners were. Weddings are strange beasts with no rhyme or reason.

Maireas · 01/04/2023 20:15

It's courteous to invite both people in a couple, nothing to do with "joined at the hip" hyperbole. Of course you go to social events together. I think they want to maximise the gifts and minimise the catering costs. It would have been unheard of at one time, but increasingly common now.

angela99999 · 01/04/2023 20:16

username98765 · 31/03/2023 09:51

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

That happened to us once. We RSVP'd for both of us and I went anyway.

Maireas · 01/04/2023 20:16

MissingMoominMamma · 01/04/2023 20:12

That’s really weird!

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I agree. Very strange. If money is tight, invite the couple, not one of them and one child. Bizarre.

Bleachmycloths · 01/04/2023 20:18

Insulting. if my DP or DH went alone I’d feel humiliated and I would find it hard to forgive.
Your partner should reply with something like “Many thanks for the invitation but I can’t leave DP on her own. We shall send a card and a wedding present and hope you have a fabulous day.”
Then see what they say.

Morganrae1 · 01/04/2023 20:18

I think it's very odd. Can't believe other people don't. That said my daughter in law only had her parents and sister at her weddig. All our family were there. Her reason was her family is huge her paerents both have 8 siblings and she wanted all her friends there.

SharonEllis · 01/04/2023 20:20

AnneLovesGilbert · 31/03/2023 10:08

It’s incredibly rude. And you haven’t said you’re “entitled” to an invitation so I don’t know why you’re getting so many shitty replies.

Loads of couples choose to never get married. You’ve been together 9 years, if you live together and are an established committed couple you should be considered a unit for this sort of thing.

I find this really weird. My partner & I have been together for 24 years & have 2 kids, but I'm still an individual, not a unit (& not an 'other half'). I would only expect an invitation if his friends knew me well. To get one is nice but not an entitlement.

SharonEllis · 01/04/2023 20:21

BeLuckyy · 31/03/2023 10:24

Where, is this 'old custom' from?

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Never heard it, not even sure I know what it means. That you have to married to go to a wedding?!

TomorrowsPrincess · 01/04/2023 20:24

TheSnowyOwl · 31/03/2023 18:50

The wedding is the beginning of May so I'm thinking it was a late invite anyway.

Normal amount of notice for a wedding invite. Given you say they have lots of rules in place, I imagine they haven’t invited unmarried partners and only invited the one they consider a friend out of a couple which is also normal etiquette.

I don’t understand the whole issue about both people in a relationship having to attend certain events together but as long as both you and your partner have the same opinion on this, it’s surely an obvious decision to just politely decline. It is still normal to send a gift though.

Not really a normal amount of notice.... it's a month away. People have to book time off work/arrange childcare etc....... 6/12months notice is the usual amount of time, especially with a lot of rules.

OP..... I think they have had someone drop out and they are filling the place with your partner..... no one sends invites a month before the wedding.
They sound rude and I hope your DP decline

DannyZukosSmile · 01/04/2023 20:38

Morgysmum · 01/04/2023 17:51

I had this last year, my partner of 17 years got invited to a work colleagues wedding. But the invite was only for him.
I wondered if they didn't realise he had a partner. But he said he does talk about me. Then it wasn't down to numbers as others got invites, for themselves and partner. One person who had only been together 6 months! So that made me feel like an out cast.
My partner didn't ask, why the invite didn't include me, he doesn't like confrontation.

I have to say @Morgysmum I don't think I could stay in a relationship with someone who had such little thought and respect for me, that he not only went to a wedding that I was not invited to (without me,) but also wasn't arsed to ask why I was snubbed. I would consider this to be very hurtful and thoughtless.

Is there any reason why you're not married after 17 years together? Is it linked to why he had so little thought for you, and went to this wedding (that you weren't invited to,) without you?

@Bleachmycloths

Insulting. if my DP or DH went alone I’d feel humiliated and I would find it hard to forgive ... Your partner should reply with something like “Many thanks for the invitation but I can’t leave DP on her own. We shall send a card and a wedding present and hope you have a fabulous day.”

Exactly this. My DH would never EVER go to any wedding and leave me behind, not now after 30+ years together - OR when we had only been together 1 to 2 years and weren't married. Such a disrespectful way to treat the person you are supposed to love. And as has been said, such rude behaviour (from the bride and groom to be) to leave someone's partner out, when they have been together for some years.

So what if everyone is an 'individual' (as someone said further back,) you are still part of a couple. If you are happy to be invited to something like a wedding, without your partner, (and you don't care that they're not invited, and they're a bit upset by it,) it makes me wonder why you're in a couple at all.

As a pp said, how farcical that someone sends an invitation saying 'come and help us to celebrate our relationship, even though we don't acknowledge yours...' Ludicrous.

ImAGoodPerson · 01/04/2023 20:40

I think it's really rude, on MN it always seems that people are ok with it. Even if I didn't know the partner I would invite them if I knew they had one. Only exception would be if perhaps it was a work colleague group and I had discussed it first with them to see what they thought.

ScruffyGrape · 01/04/2023 20:43

YANBU, you are a couple. If it's because they can't afford both, then just invite you both to the evening do. If they're only inviting one half, then they clearly have a problem with you. I wouldn't accept the invitation if my other half was excluded. Except if it was a work colleague or old school friend who quite clearly don't know my OH. Yes it is their wedding and they can invite anyone they want, but they must know this would cause upset. Also people who do this, would glady be the people to fall out with you should you ever try do it to them.