Page 12 | Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

username98765 · 2023-03-31T08:51:52+00:00

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

SerafinasGoose · 31/03/2023 13:41

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 31/03/2023 09:56

Yes YABU.
It’s their wedding. They get to choose who goes.

No they don't. They get to choose who they invite.

Any invited guest can decline for any reason they see fit. And a lot decline for reasons just like this.

Ktime · 31/03/2023 13:42

allmyliesaretrue · 31/03/2023 12:16

How spectacularly rude and unnecessary. You don't know these people and you don't know what happened.

Flip me there's so many posters here lacking in manners...

@username98765 I can raise your stakes here. SIL invited DH and not me. I'd known her for 25+ years since she was at school, had stayed over often with the ILs. Only the two siblings, parents had passed by the time she was getting married. We'd been married 20+ years, had 3 children, her closest blood relatives apart from DH. Never a cross word. Very different but always civil. She was a bridesmaid at ours - demanded to be! - and brought some random BF, insisted on having him in family photos and it wasn't long after until she had moved on.

I knew she was having a small wedding and there were very good reasons for that. It was still a bit of a kick in the teeth when the invite arrived for DH only! I didn't care whether I went or not (with 3 youngish children, the not going was the easier option). It was the principle of it, and I felt that it sent out a very clear message...

What did upset me (and if I am honest, it still rankles a tiny bit years later if I think about it) was that DH couldn't see anything wrong with it? I would never have wanted/expected him not to go, and he did go, but I would have liked him to appreciate the snub that it clearly was - especially when I found out that a cousin of theirs and her DH were invited!

The kids and I were asked to the evening do and dutifully travelled 2 hours there and 2 hours home although tbh it was the last place I wanted to be. She didn't come and speak to us, and she didn't get any photos with her DNs (she's never been that interested in them anyway to be fair).

I think if it had been handled differently, I might have felt less meh about it? She could have spoken to me and explained that she had to cut numbers etc. She has never once made any reference to it and neither have I.

I'm just still a little bemused - amused too in some ways.

I must reiterate, I really didn't care about the wedding. It was the exclusion that stung a little. It did cut costs lol, kids and I didn't get new outfits, just wore something we already had!

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I wish you hadn't gone to the evening do.

Your H sounds like a twat.

I hope you have little to do with her?

Original poster

username98765 · 31/03/2023 13:52

Iwannabeacrocodilehunter · 31/03/2023 13:16

Last one, because things like this just astound me 😂

But, if and when you and your dp get married, you now know what to do! Just invite one of them!

If we ever did get married (he's not keen probably for this reason!!) We won't be inviting either or them!!

OP posts:

Mypatioisminging · 31/03/2023 13:54

username98765 · 31/03/2023 13:52

If we ever did get married (he's not keen probably for this reason!!) We won't be inviting either or them!!

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Wow. There’s being bothered and there’s this.

Original poster

username98765 · 31/03/2023 13:55

@Mypatioisminging well apparently u can do what u want!

OP posts:

Flyinggeesei234 · 31/03/2023 13:55

BeLuckyy · 31/03/2023 10:24

Where, is this 'old custom' from?

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It’s a very old fashioned custom. Not really in use now.

Iwannabeacrocodilehunter · 31/03/2023 13:56

username98765 · 31/03/2023 13:52

If we ever did get married (he's not keen probably for this reason!!) We won't be inviting either or them!!

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Oh, but I’d be imaging the reaction when only the DH was invited.

You’re probably right. My idea is petty. But I’d still do it.

butterfliedtwo · 31/03/2023 13:56

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

That's definitely rude. He should just not go then.

Ponoka7 · 31/03/2023 14:04

It's a "tell me that you don't like me, without telling me you don't like me" situation. They consider themselves friends of your DP, or he's been invited because of people backing out and they've only got one space. It could be the venue rather than money that restricts the numbers.

RosaBonheur · 31/03/2023 14:04

NoTouch · 31/03/2023 13:31

I am in my 50s and have been to many weddings over the years, I have never been to a wedding where invites to the full day did not include the couple. I have never even heard it floated as an option. I must just know well mannered people! The only exception to couples being invited would be evening invites for a group of work colleagues type thing.

For most people I know the priorities were - 1) What is my budget, 2) How many family and friends do I want to celebrate the day with us, 3) Where are most of the guests mainly based, 4) What venue fits, 5) What budget is left for some extras.

Too many people now their priorities are - 1) What is my dream wedding, 2) What venues are there that look great even if they are miles away from anywhere, 3) Where can I fit in a blossom arch, 4) LED dancefloor, 5) Photo booth, 6) Favours that cost ££s, 7) Ice sculpture depicting our first date, 8) Hire different chairs as don't like the colour, 9) Hire Aston Martin for the groom to get to wedding, 10) Hire unicorn drawn coach for bride to get to wedding...…..120) How much money can I get from parents, 121) How do I ask for money instead of gifts, 122) How do I make my guests stay over at the venue as it is part of the contract I signed...….256) Where are we going on honeymoon, 257) Surely our we can ask guests to contribute to our honeymoon................….9456) How much money is left to invite guests and who can we cut to "save money" - do we have to invite couples/children/Uncle George who smells a bit?

Haha yes, this is sadly all too accurate in some cases.

butterpuffed · 31/03/2023 14:10

Ignore the pilers on , OP , only in Mumsnet 🙄. I've been to plenty of weddings and never heard of one of a couple not being invited , but then that's IRL . I'm pleased your DP is sticking up for you .

Mittens1717 · 31/03/2023 14:13

I'm Irish and I've never ever heard of this, it would be the height of rudeness here to invite only one half of a couple, even if a couple aren't married they both get an invite, and even if a person is single the invite would say "and guest" so they get to bring someone

Cuwins · 31/03/2023 14:15

Interestingly I have an almost opposite situation. Been with my partner nearly 20 years. One of DP oldest friends wedding this year. I was invited too but actually really surprised to be.
I have only met friend a handful of times and not for years (they generally do an activity I don't like when they get together). I have met his partner twice I think. They seem nice enough but I wouldn't say I know them- not sure I would even recognise them if I walked past them to be honest.
I won't know anyone else at the wedding except another couple of old friends of DP who I have met a couple of times.
I don't want to go- I will be bored and dislike weddings/dressing up at the best of times.
I was very surprised to have been invited and would never have expected to be- why would they waste a space on inviting me when they don't know me!
Thankfully I have a genuine reason I am unable to go so DP could reply thank you but that it will be just him.

BubziOwl · 31/03/2023 14:16

YANBU, it's very poor manners.

Lots of people will bang the "their wedding their choice" drum on this one. Yes, of course it's their choice to be rude if they desire. It doesn't make it any less rude!

AllTheDifference · 31/03/2023 14:30

NoTouch · 31/03/2023 13:31

I am in my 50s and have been to many weddings over the years, I have never been to a wedding where invites to the full day did not include the couple. I have never even heard it floated as an option. I must just know well mannered people! The only exception to couples being invited would be evening invites for a group of work colleagues type thing.

For most people I know the priorities were - 1) What is my budget, 2) How many family and friends do I want to celebrate the day with us, 3) Where are most of the guests mainly based, 4) What venue fits, 5) What budget is left for some extras.

Too many people now their priorities are - 1) What is my dream wedding, 2) What venues are there that look great even if they are miles away from anywhere, 3) Where can I fit in a blossom arch, 4) LED dancefloor, 5) Photo booth, 6) Favours that cost ££s, 7) Ice sculpture depicting our first date, 8) Hire different chairs as don't like the colour, 9) Hire Aston Martin for the groom to get to wedding, 10) Hire unicorn drawn coach for bride to get to wedding...…..120) How much money can I get from parents, 121) How do I ask for money instead of gifts, 122) How do I make my guests stay over at the venue as it is part of the contract I signed...….256) Where are we going on honeymoon, 257) Surely our we can ask guests to contribute to our honeymoon................….9456) How much money is left to invite guests and who can we cut to "save money" - do we have to invite couples/children/Uncle George who smells a bit?

Ha agree with this, word for word.

But may I suggest one amendment: ‘121) How do I ask for money instead of gifts and I would like to do this through the medium of poetry, as apparently that is much less annoying and not twee at all. ‘

yikesanotherbooboo · 31/03/2023 14:35

Years ago married couples would expect to both be invited but unmarried couples might not , particularly if they didn't live together. We are now at the stage of our DC's friends getting married and etiquette seems to have changed. DD has been to lots of weddings without her DP and at their upcoming wedding even close friends are going alone to the ceremony and wedding breakfast. Husbands, wives and partners are all coming along in the evening and it has been hard to make some of the decisions. They all live in London so the DPs aren't all hanging around in a country town waiting for the 'evenings 'do' which I don't think would be reasonable. It's a cost issue and a question of how many close family you have. A venue for 50, 25 each side quickly gets filled with parents , grandparents and siblings with only a few seats left for friends and their partners.

Newtrix · 31/03/2023 14:37

We only invited people we both knew to our wedding. Anyone who's partner we didn't invite knew at least 5 people excluding us.

CremeEggThief · 31/03/2023 14:39

YANBU in your particular case as you know the people a long time.

In general, YABU to think all couples should always be invited together!
There are plenty of valid reasons why you would only invite one person from a couple to your wedding/ celebration.

Derbee · 31/03/2023 14:45

Ratataty · 31/03/2023 10:03

My husband's cousin has just invited him and my eldest child to his wedding. We've been married 22 years and have 3 adult/teenage kids. Do I care? No, they're a lovely couple, known him since he was a kid but it's their celebration, their money, I'm happy for them. I think you need to give your head a wobble.

That’s outrageously rude though. People are entitled to their own rules for their wedding, but inviting one sibling out of three is rude, however you play it.

Bloomingcancer · 31/03/2023 14:49

I invited all the girls from work on their own, but I did say in the invite it was a bums on seats issue and I hoped they’d all be happy to come with each other. There were ten of them so it was quite a large number for my wedding.

Anybridget · 31/03/2023 14:52

I'm with you OP, very poor form. If you'd met 5 minutes ago then fair enough, but 9years.. that's rude and I hope your partner chooses wisely.

Justalittlebitduckling · 31/03/2023 15:10

My DH wasn’t invited to my friend’s wedding back when we were engaged. It was a very small wedding and they hadn’t ever met him. Neither of us minded. They did then contact us at the last minute to say someone else had dropped out and did he want to come, but by then he’d made other plans. I think if you’ve been together a long time it’s rude, but he can always politely turn down the invitation if he doesn’t want to go alone.

GoChasingWaterfalls · 31/03/2023 15:14

Seems to be a modern thing that the comfort and happiness of the guests is not accounted for anymore.

So you get invites to only part of the ceremony that is 100s of miles away, invites that don't allow close family children such as nieces and nephews when the grandparents who normally babysit will be at the wedding, and invites to only one half of a couple.

I get that people want their day to be special, but doesn't that include the happiness of their guests anymore?

sillysmiles · 31/03/2023 15:51

Mittens1717 · 31/03/2023 14:13

I'm Irish and I've never ever heard of this, it would be the height of rudeness here to invite only one half of a couple, even if a couple aren't married they both get an invite, and even if a person is single the invite would say "and guest" so they get to bring someone

I'm also Irish, and have been to many weddings in Ireland alone, despite being married.

What makes the OP's situation unusual is that she has a connection to the groom, but it's not clear why the OP's DP is closer to the couple than she is.

But in general, being invited as an individual or as a coupe is dependent on the connection to the couple and who else is going.

RaraRachael · 31/03/2023 17:35

My mother was once at a wedding where couples were invited but split up for the meal so that everybody could get to know lots more people.
My idea of hell 🙄