Who invites one half of a couple to a wedding??

[username98765]

Please tell me if I am being unreasonable. My dp of 9 years has received a wedding invite today just addressed to him! The bride and groom I have known for years. The groom used to go out with my cousin but it ended with him cheating on her. That's the only reason I can think of not to be invited. I would never imagine inviting one part of a couple to a wedding! Haven't had chance to speak with my dp as he has already left for work when I'd seen it.

Could just be a numbers thing. I’m getting married and we have a strict max of 60 at the venue. My partner has a lot of cousins and we couldn’t invite them all and their bf/gf and all their children. Some of the cousins are plus ones of the Aunts, so they are going with someone in their family. It’s unlikely meant as a snub they have just had to cut back on some people. I’ve had this happen to me a few times and with my partner and I’ve not been bothered in slightest. It’s just one day and there can be a lot to of stress organising it for the couple.

Are some couples genuinely unable to do anything on their own?!

I don’t understand the issue. If you don’t socialise with them, why would you be invited to take up a space?

I think it’s rude. They’ll probably expect your Dp to part with more money to stay overnight so he can have a drink…probably expect him in a suit…likely be expecting a gift or even money in lieu of a gift.

But, it’s their wedding so according to Mumsnet they are fine to leave out a long term partner they’ve know for as long as see as often…especially if saving a few quid is the issue.

We invited my husbands colleagues to our wedding who I never knew and gave each a plus one. We wouldn’t have dreamt of being so rude as to not, but as you say, we are all different.

If I were in your boat, the couple would not be getting a card nor a gift from me. I wouldn’t even ask after their wedding when I saw them.
But that’s because I’d be questioning whether the relationship I thought I had with them was a genuine one.

I wouldn't let it bother me but I'd never do it myself.

If I couldn’t invite all, I’d invite none. And I’d make it clear that any plus one was not to be extended to them.
Incan guarantee some will have hurt feelings.

My friend just invited her friends and not their partners because "She didn't know them"

I wasn't invited to OH's cousin's wedding as we're not engaged or married despite having been together a lot longer than some of the married couples who were there

Or they’ll be expecting you to pick your partner up so he can have a drink.

I’d say no to that too.

YABU

You are two individual people. You are not entitled to an invite just because he's been invited.

For etiquette purposes, couples who live together are assumed to be secretly married.
It’s rude to invite one half of an established couple.

Last one, because things like this just astound me 😂

But, if and when you and your dp get married, you now know what to do! Just invite one of them!

I can't believe how many people feel its ok to celebrate a marriage, a commitment to each other by snubbing other people's relationships. Its not about being only able to do things in a couple but celebrating someone's relationship, it doesn't bode well if the couple getting married turn their backs on others to do that, it shows its about the party and not the commitment.

I've not come across it myself, but to me there would have to be a very good reason, other than being unaware of a relationship. Say inviting someone whose wife or husband was a politician whose policies you disagreed with, or whose other half had committed domestic violence/abuse.

I should have made it clear that my post was in response to those many posters who think it's wrong and spectacularly rude in all cases to leave a partner off the invitation list, and who wouldn't go out of pique, even if the couple had never even met their partner.

Apologies for the confusion. OP's situation does appear to be more unusual.

She does. That's the very point of the thread....

It is their choice, but it is also incredibly rude!

My husband would not go without me … I wouldn’t go without him.

The soon to be married couple can also fuck off entirely

I would invite single person with a plus one.

Does declining a wedding invitation because you just don't feel like travelling 250 miles, taking annual leave and staying in a hotel on your own for two nights to attend a wedding where you won't know anyone when you have a partner but then weren't invited fall within your definition of "out of pique"?

Because that's the only wedding I've ever been invited to without my partner (including some pretty low budget weddings) and the only one I've declined.

I see them just as much as dp does!

Ok. In that case yes it’s bloody rude. It’s either an error or they are basically saying they like DP and not you (which is very rude of course!)

I think DP needs to clarify if it’s an error. If it’s not then tbh I’d expect him not to go.

I agree 100x. We approached the topic exactly the same and cut costs somewhere else, i.e. didn't rent beautiful car and instead my dad drove us in his estate car 😂I bought second hand dress, but I didn't want to make cuts in number of guests. I can't imagine inviting my 30 years old cousin without her boyfriend, so she sits alone and needs to talk to her parents or so, because she doesn't have anyone to dance with. It sucks.

I would if I didn't know the other person and the budget was tight. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where partners were invited.

I am in my 50s and have been to many weddings over the years, I have never been to a wedding where invites to the full day did not include the couple. I have never even heard it floated as an option. I must just know well mannered people! The only exception to couples being invited would be evening invites for a group of work colleagues type thing.

For most people I know the priorities were - 1) What is my budget, 2) How many family and friends do I want to celebrate the day with us, 3) Where are most of the guests mainly based, 4) What venue fits, 5) What budget is left for some extras.

Too many people now their priorities are - 1) What is my dream wedding, 2) What venues are there that look great even if they are miles away from anywhere, 3) Where can I fit in a blossom arch, 4) LED dancefloor, 5) Photo booth, 6) Favours that cost ££s, 7) Ice sculpture depicting our first date, 8) Hire different chairs as don't like the colour, 9) Hire Aston Martin for the groom to get to wedding, 10) Hire unicorn drawn coach for bride to get to wedding...…..120) How much money can I get from parents, 121) How do I ask for money instead of gifts, 122) How do I make my guests stay over at the venue as it is part of the contract I signed...….256) Where are we going on honeymoon, 257) Surely our we can ask guests to contribute to our honeymoon................….9456) How much money is left to invite guests and who can we cut to "save money" - do we have to invite couples/children/Uncle George who smells a bit?

I have gone to about 10 weddings alone including flying to the States for one, it doesn’t bother me at all.

I agree. Its about the marriage, the couple and the friends and family who have taken the trouble to come to wish them well.

Some of the happiest weddings I've been to remembered that and were not high budget (some were pot luck events where guests asked for a contribution to food rather than wedding presents). Looking back some of the shortest lasting marriages I've known had very expensive weddings.

I am in my 50s and have been to many weddings over the years, I have never been to a wedding where invites to the full day did not include the couple

sadly times have changed and with cost of living many folks just don’t have the money to pay for everyone’s extra and pay only for their close ones instead.

your old way suggests either a limitless budget or close friends cut out in favours of someone’s partner who they aren’t close to..

so for example if you can only have 20 folks. Your wat is 10 and partner And ten other close friends and family are left out. This way the 20 is rhe close friends and family are not prioritised out for someone’s partner they aren’t close to due to lack of budget or spaces.

I take no issue with it and find it wholly entitled to think you should be able to attend someone’s wedding and have them spend out on you because you happen to be in a relationship with someone they are close to

@allmyliesaretrue oh my word that shocking. I don't get on my with SIL either however for my wedding she and her family were treated the exact same as rest of both families. Invited to afternoon tea before wedding, children did readings, in all pictures, not at top table but close, arranged accommodation aswell. I dunno how you kept quite nor how your husband didn't say anything

Totally agree with what @starfishmummy says. This is what we did aswell