AIBU to book a gender blood test at 6 weeks?

[Dorothyspeaks30]

I have 2 daughters who are 3 years apart and I am desperately wishing my third is a boy. I have no pressure around me but I never grew up with brothers so wish my daughters could have a brother. I would be grateful either way and would still be happy to have a girl of course. Now that I’m pregnant, I don’t feel like I can wait until a private scan at 16 weeks and found out about the gender blood test and booked it! I know I probably sound insane but this third baby is most likely my last chance at having another child and I’m truly grateful no matter what.

p.s nobody knows I’m pregnant yet. I have been cramping so part of me wonders if I’ll even make it to 12 weeks! Please be kind, I’m very emotional and just need reassurance or to hear other peoples opinions on doing this.

I think do what you like, it is nobody’s business. But the sensible thing would obviously be to find a way to wait four weeks so it is more accurate. You will probably get the test then obsess about whether it is right and get another one in four weeks.

Do doctors these days ask you if you want to know the babies sex or gender? It's interesting reading these comments how commonly people mix up the concepts - which show how muddled thinking is around the whole idea

Fucksake there is always one. Yes gender is a social construct but if you go on to clinic websites etc it’s always referred to as a gender scan.

I don’t think it is. I’m NT and I don’t see an issue with wanting to know. OP’s body at the end of the day and no one knows or does even OP know how she’ll feel exactly at that moment regardless of the answer. Every time threads talking about sex of a baby comes up, there are posters who said they reacted differently than they themselves expected including those who suffered losses previously.

Unfortunately, if you're doing this because of hyperfixation and anxiety, it is highly unlikely to help because accuracy will remain in doubt, and you won't get the resolution you're hoping for. In the same way that I know 2 families who had "low risk" results from the 12 week screening and ended up with post birth diagnoses of Down Syndrome, and a friend who had a "high risk" result and was advised to terminate but then gave birth to a completely healthy baby (having spent her whole pregnancy in a stressed and anxious state) - all recommended not having the early screening as it's not conclusive and therefore less useful than not having it.

(As a complete aside, I do think it's an interesting phenomena - the "need" to know the sex of an unborn baby - as it didn't used to be possible, then was a discussion point whether to find out at the 20 week scan, then 16 weeks and now 6 weeks. Along with the massive increase in the Instagram/Tiktok 'reveal' events and how massive/creative they've become. It would be interesting to unpick the societal drivers behind it all. Are we regressing? Becoming a society that more rigidly adheres to gender stereotyping? Losing the strategies and coping mechanisms we previously employed to cope with uncertainty and unpredictable outcomes? Always adopting practices along the lines of "because you can, you should" and where may that lead?)

Ultimately OP, do as you wish and think is best. It's your body, your money, your children and family. We live in a time and solace where these are choices for the individual.

Just be grateful you are on yourthe third successful pregnancy.

What if it's a girl? Completely bonkers idea. It's not a shop where you pick what you want.

" I have no pressure around me but I never grew up with brothers so wish my daughters could have a brother."

Ha ha, my husband is NC with his sister. So you know, your reality might be brutally different to your dreams.

🙄

It's not something I'd spend money on but if you want to know early then that is entirely up to you.

I would however have it in the back of my mind that it would not be completely accurate.

You do realise that I could charge people £100 to tell them their baby's sex, offer a full refund if I get it wrong, and literally choose at random? It's a 50/50 bet.

Unless an abortion is planned if it’s not the answer she wants?

@HockeyJock

As a complete aside, I do think it's an interesting phenomena - the "need" to know the sex of an unborn baby - as it didn't used to be possible, then was a discussion point whether to find out at the 20 week scan, then 16 weeks and now 6 weeks. Along with the massive increase in the Instagram/Tiktok 'reveal' events and how massive/creative they've become. It would be interesting to unpick the societal drivers behind it all. Are we regressing?

Yes.

Becoming a society that more rigidly adheres to gender stereotyping?

Yes.

Losing the strategies and coping mechanisms we previously employed to cope with uncertainty and unpredictable outcomes?

Yes.

Always adopting practices along the lines of "because you can, you should" and where may that lead?

Yes.

Good questions!

We didn't want to know with our first pregnancy. This time around I'll be anxious as anything as we had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks. I'll want to know everything about the next baby. We've already decided to get extra scans so will be spending a lot more time looking at it on scans.

Hi I don't think there is anything wrong with what you are doing.

I'm also probably neuro diverse (awaiting assessment) and I needed to find out my children's sex at my scans so I could bond. My first pregnancy I couldn't find out and really struggled with my feelings then I had a traumatic birth and ended up with post natal depression. With my further two full term pregnancies I found out and I bonded the birth experience was so much better for me also. I've had three missed miscarriages also and the bit I found the worst was not knowing if they were boys or girls. That may make no sense to anyone else but It did to me.

Good luck on Tuesday ☺️

Nothing can determine your child's "gender" only them... Have you not heard all the trans people screaming about being "mis-gendered"?

And if it doesn't matter, why bother testing? But it's your money so crack on

If you want to find out the sex in advance OP, you do it. It's not like you're having a test that could risk the embryo, it's just a finger prick.

I'm in the third trimester and I've been really tempted all the way along to find out but decided against it. Once I got to a certain point, that urge to know passed for me. But I know it was strongest early on.

Yawn, the clinics call them Gender Scans like it or not.

Hello

You're getting some quite mean comments - I hope this is kinder. I do understand how you feel.

I am pregnant with my second child - another boy - and have essentially given up on the idea I will ever have a daughter. I'm 38 and we live in a two bed house, so almost no way we'll have a third.

I always wanted a daughter, so I do understand your feelings. If you'd asked me pre-children, I would have said I would have been ecstatic with 2 girls, or with a boy and a girl. Two boys was not my dream. BUT I now realise that if I end up with two healthy, happy boys, I will have nothing at all to complain about. In fact, the opposite. That is such an extraordinary gift. It's not like I'd ever want to swap one of them with someone else's daughter (!)

I love my first son more than I ever knew it was possible to love anyone - and you will feel the same about your child, I'm sure, whatever the sex. Personally, I'd wait until 20 weeks to find out (that's what I've done - but I would never pay for a private scan unless I was concerned on health grounds). That gives you time to address any disappointment you may feel before the baby arrives. But let go of worrying about it now, particularly when you have concerns about the pregnancy. I hope you get a healthy child - it's a cliche but it is what matters.

My focus is on bringing up two boys who are happy, well-adjusted, respect women etc. But really the sex of your child is not that important - there is more variety in personality within men and within women than there are overall differences between the sexes (ignoring the physical). I think we have ideas about what boys and girls are like but the great sperm-egg lottery means you never really know.

Unless you plan to abort if it’s a girl then why would you waste your money on this?

The only reason why you’d want to know this early is if you want to abort especially as you’re keeping it quiet. You’re incredibly gullible as well thinking this doctor can tell at six weeks. Give me £50 quid I’ll tell you you you’re having a boy, you just give me £50 back if I’m wrong. Do you see the problem? Give your head a wobble.

@LaDamaDeElche I think it's an important distinction. The fact that they're often used interchangeably shows how many people don't understand the difference. I think it's reasonable to point that out

I think it's an important distinction. The fact that they're often used interchangeably shows how many people don't understand the difference. I think it's reasonable to point that out I think the OP must understand the difference though. You would have had to have been living under a rock for the last 10 years not to. The problem is the words are used incorrectly for things like gender reveal parties, so people continue to use them interchangeably. My point is that people come on these kind of threads to correct, rather than offer support/advice to the poster by responding to what the post was about. Much like if someone uses incorrect grammar, or uses vagina instead of vulva. It can just come across as people being a bit patronising rather than genuinely wanting someone to understand the difference.

@Theluggage15 what a daft thing to say, that the ONLY reason she would want to find out the sex of her baby early is so she can have an abortion.

Firstly, even if that was what she wanted to do, that's her legal right, and nothing to do with anyone else.

Secondly, would you say the same if she was finding out at an early scan at 17 weeks when she could still have an abortion?

You must understand that some women find it helps them to bond with the baby, some women like to have a name chosen before hand that they can 'test out' during the pregnancy, some women (heaven forbid!!!) have a preference on the sex and would like to find out early so that they can get their head around it before baby arrives!

The judgment on this post from some posters (not all!) around finding out the sex while the baby is still in utero has floored me. Many of you didn't get the choice to find out. It's bizarre to think that no women should be curious of the sex of the baby they are carrying.

Why ever find out the sex if it doesn't matter at all? Why not close your eyes when changing a nappy, give the baby a unisex name and let them tell you when they're 18 👍🏻 but even then you mustn't show the slightest bit of interest.

I only know one woman of my generation that hasn't found out and that was my sister - she regretted not finding out earlier and did with her following children. I appreciate for some women it's magical to find out at birth, that's great for them and I'm so glad they had that experience. Not everyone wants that experience though, and the science exists to cater for all of us, isn't that amazing!

Probably sounds morbid but she is only 6 weeks so a bit early to say that yet.

Why? Either you’re pro choice or you’re not. Either you can’t police other women’s bodies or you can.