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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to book a gender blood test at 6 weeks?

202 replies

Dorothyspeaks30 · 30/03/2023 22:55

I have 2 daughters who are 3 years apart and I am desperately wishing my third is a boy. I have no pressure around me but I never grew up with brothers so wish my daughters could have a brother. I would be grateful either way and would still be happy to have a girl of course. Now that I’m pregnant, I don’t feel like I can wait until a private scan at 16 weeks and found out about the gender blood test and booked it! I know I probably sound insane but this third baby is most likely my last chance at having another child and I’m truly grateful no matter what.

p.s nobody knows I’m pregnant yet. I have been cramping so part of me wonders if I’ll even make it to 12 weeks! Please be kind, I’m very emotional and just need reassurance or to hear other peoples opinions on doing this.

OP posts:
ShimmeringShirts · 31/03/2023 08:31

You mean the sex of your baby, not the gender. Gender isn’t real, biological sex is. It actually worries me how many pregnant women don’t seem to know the difference, surely you learn the basics of life before you go on to have a baby?

freiday · 31/03/2023 08:34

Why does it matter what OP does with the pregnancy if she doesn't like the answer? Her body, her choice. Some right nosey people on here! And I say that as someone who's been through child loss so could get 'triggered'

But Op, isn't the NIPT not available until 10 weeks? If you're think of the sneak peak thing, they're often wrong and so inaccurate

Hankunamatata · 31/03/2023 08:34

I would wait. To be practical finding out sex early before 14 weeks could be super hard if the pregnancy doesn't continue

anyolddinosaur · 31/03/2023 08:37

They are not accurate, you can have a more accurate one in 4 weeks time, but if you have money to waste that is your choice.

You are being VVVUR in trying to force your perceptions of "gender" onto a baby who is not here yet.

poopscoop1 · 31/03/2023 08:37

my cousins was wrong

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 08:38

33goingon64 · 30/03/2023 23:05

Yes it's insane. In my opinion. Please just forget about what sex your child will be. It's really not as significant as you might think.

This.

You are pregnant and will be having your lovely baby whether it is a boy or a girl. You can't do anything about it, so what difference does it make

Personally I am an Ole Trout, and am of the school of thought that the birth os the perfect time to find out what you have, but I know that most people now like to know beforehand. However, there is no such thing as a "gender" test, though a number of tests can be carried out to see what SEX a baby is.

GoodChat · 31/03/2023 08:39

anyolddinosaur · 31/03/2023 08:37

They are not accurate, you can have a more accurate one in 4 weeks time, but if you have money to waste that is your choice.

You are being VVVUR in trying to force your perceptions of "gender" onto a baby who is not here yet.

She's not trying to force her 'perceptions' on anyone. She just wants to know if her baby will be born with a penis. I'm sure if she had a boy she wouldn't be upset if he wanted to wear a dress.

VWHoliday · 31/03/2023 08:40

Brokendaughter · 31/03/2023 01:23

You can find out what biological sex your child is perhaps, but they haven't been groomed yet into believing in the toxic ideology that surrounds gender so they are still innocent enough not to consider that safeguarding issue.

There is no test for something that is based on feelings rather than biology.

Is that you Jeffrey Marsh?

CallintheClownies · 31/03/2023 08:41

GoodChat · 31/03/2023 07:59

She hasn't said they need a brother. She said she'd like for them to have a brother and she would like a son. It's perfectly fine to want to know either way so she can prepare.

Show quote history

I have 2 daughters who are 3 years apart and I am desperately wishing my third is a boy. I have no pressure around me but I never grew up with brothers so wish my daughters could have a brother.

@GoodChat The way I read this ^^ is that she wants a brother for her daughters. She says that SHE is fine either way.

phoenixrosehere · 31/03/2023 08:42

Your body, your choice.

However, wait til you’re further along (more accurate) and go into a reputable, accredited clinic. There are clinics that offer both Sneaky Peek and NIPT and the price difference isn’t massive depending on what NIPT you get.

TroysMammy · 31/03/2023 08:43

Having two children of the same sex you're likely to have the same for a third.

Suppose it indicates a boy but the 20 week scan says different how would you feel then?

amusedbush · 31/03/2023 08:51

I know nothing about these blood tests but I just wanted to say I get why you're anxious to know. I'm also ND and need certainty and details at all times. "Wait and see" doesn't really work for me because I hyperfixate until I know. It's not necessarily that you're hanging every hope on having a boy, you just won't settle until you have the information either way.

It's probably hard to fully empathise if you're NT.

vitahelp · 31/03/2023 08:51

I am similar to you in the sense of I obsess over things quite easily and find the only solution can be gathering as much information as possible. BUT the issue is, if the information isn't 100% definite I find it make me spiral even more and can make me more obsessive than I was before finding out.
This could be one of those instances for you, since a test this early may not be definite enough.

MumYourBabyGrewUpToBeACowboy · 31/03/2023 08:55

Unless you are planning to raise your child gender neutral until they are able to inform you what they are, it’s effectively a “gender” test for the baby. Shrug.

BabbleBee · 31/03/2023 09:01

What happens if you hyperfocus on your baby being a boy and you deliver a girl? Will you cope?

Moveoverdarlin · 31/03/2023 09:04

You don’t get many lovely surprises in life anymore. Finding out the sex of your baby just as you’ve delivered is just the most amazing thing. I wouldn’t find out if you paid me. It changes absolutely nothing.

ChocSaltyBalls · 31/03/2023 09:04

Kittens98 · 31/03/2023 03:12

They're not accurate.

An absolutely bonkers ex friend had it done, was told boy (5th child, all boys) and booked an abortion (yes really, she wanted a girl that badly 😱)

Couldn't go through with it and found out at 16 weeks it was a girl anyways.

They shouldn't be allowed.

Omg

Hydrangeatea · 31/03/2023 09:05

Carlycat · 31/03/2023 01:03

It's sex not gender. You're welcome Grin

God this makes you sound and look like a right prat.

"You're welcome" and then the smiley face

Prat

Brefugee · 31/03/2023 09:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Advicerequest · 31/03/2023 09:08

I really thought I wanted a boy. I had twins. At 16 weeks the hospital told me I had one boy and one girl. At 20 weeks I had a private scan and was told it was two girls. At birth the doctor MADE A JOkE took out the first baby and in my c section said 'it's a boy no ha! Ha! It's a girl". Which momentarily did my head in given the drugs and all that would have come before. Which is to say:

  1. Mia identification happens and
  2. I wouldn't have my two girls any other way.
MyStarBoy · 31/03/2023 09:12

YABVU
I think you're being highly irrational and neurotic.

Such early days anything could happen.

Calm down, enjoy this time and be patient.

UsernameMcUsername · 31/03/2023 09:13

First off, I do understand how you feel. I have two boys & if we'd had a third I would have just wanted another boy TBH. In your situation I'd wait till the birth, because I think the rush of emotion for the new unique baby right in front of you will sweep away any boy / girl thoughts, as I'm sure they would have for me.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 09:13

Advicerequest · 31/03/2023 09:08

I really thought I wanted a boy. I had twins. At 16 weeks the hospital told me I had one boy and one girl. At 20 weeks I had a private scan and was told it was two girls. At birth the doctor MADE A JOkE took out the first baby and in my c section said 'it's a boy no ha! Ha! It's a girl". Which momentarily did my head in given the drugs and all that would have come before. Which is to say:

  1. Mia identification happens and
  2. I wouldn't have my two girls any other way.

Congratulations on your two lovely daughters ! 😃

I hope you kicked that doctor's backside - what an inappropriate joke to make , especially when the patient is as confused as anything with drugs and sheer exhaustion.

There's a time and a place, doctor, and a delivery room at the moment of birth is neither.

33goingon64 · 31/03/2023 09:13

Moveoverdarlin · 31/03/2023 09:04

You don’t get many lovely surprises in life anymore. Finding out the sex of your baby just as you’ve delivered is just the most amazing thing. I wouldn’t find out if you paid me. It changes absolutely nothing.

Couldn't have put it better myself. The obsession with knowing the sex beforehand is loaded with unhelpful and stereotyped views about girls and boys. Do you think your daughters will love a sister less than a brother? A child isn't an accessory you choose to complete a 'set'.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 09:14

UsernameMcUsername · 31/03/2023 09:13

First off, I do understand how you feel. I have two boys & if we'd had a third I would have just wanted another boy TBH. In your situation I'd wait till the birth, because I think the rush of emotion for the new unique baby right in front of you will sweep away any boy / girl thoughts, as I'm sure they would have for me.

Agree with this - when you see your baby, whatever the sex, you are just so overwhelmed by the wonder of new and thrilling life that you wouldn't want any other.

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