To think the school shouldn’t be ignoring this?

[MachboosRubyanAnne]

At my DD’s primary school, where there are a lot of children of teachers who attend - There was a mum’s night out last weekend. There, one of the teachers was making unkind comments about some of the children. Including that a couple were spoiled brats, she also speculated that ‘something is wrong’ with a particular child and also slagged off various parents. The people who attended the night out have complained to the headteacher as they felt this teacher, though very drunk, clearly crossed a line.

The school have done nothing but apologised on her behalf.

AIBU to think that more should be done and that they should be utterly outraged at this having happened?

The school has apologised to you. You aren’t getting the teacher’s scalp. Goodnight and sweet dreams

Bloody hell now who’s exaggerating. What a drama llama!

I think my child’s education is a joke because I want a sincere apology about disgusting behaviour towards my family?

The mental gymnastics is hurting my head.

I don’t want her scalp (whatever that means). I want an apology and I deserve one. I want reassurance that she’s remorseful and it won’t happen again.

Is that seriously unreasonable? If you think so I pity you for having do little self respect TBH.

Earlier on you accused posters of whipping up the OP in to a righteous frenzy yet you're here bringing scalping into it 😁

Flip me. What a devastating slap down…. Do you not know that well used phrase of having someone’s scalp? Seems q a lot of people on this thread needed to pay a lot more attention at school 😀

Not sure what school you went to but my school didn’t teach chavvy phrases like ‘have your scalp’. They taught the curriculum

Lol lol lol oh dear. ‘Chavvy phrases’ 🤣 Broad knowledge of the English language and its application in literary and colloquial usage = ‘Chavvy’. Convent grammar since you asked.

Erm, it wasn't supposed to be a slap down, i was making an observation about something that made me chuckle...

You will only get a general official apology from the head. The teacher will almost certainly be disciplined, but you won't be told anything about it, because that's how it works in any professional setting
I agree with you saraclara. Quite a a few of us have pointed this out, but OP isn't happy about it.

It is not immaterial really though is it, isn't it the whole point of OP's upset. Your discussing this like it happened in the school and that it is wholly a school matter but this person decided to go out as a parent that night and complained about her work which is fine to a degree (even then not really the done thing) if for example, you are an IT Consultant talking about colleagues who don't know how to turn a computer on and off and none of your fellow parents' are your colleagues but it is different matter if you are unflatteringly talking about children you teach to the parents of these children, I mean you don't have to be too clever to work that one out. I think if on a couple of glasses of Chardonnay you know you are prone to revealing your inner thoughts, you should probably not have attended! My DH and I once went to a local pub and saw our DD's teacher knocking back shots, it wasn't that kind of pub so it was clear he was in for a big night but to be fair perhaps not, we walked out again and went to another pub, it is a big city so we were surprised to see him in a pub so near the school, it is too awkward to come across him in a jolly state, which we were predicting might happen as he was with a group of male friends.

The fact is she went as a parent not in a professional capacity, so morally she might want to apologise in her 'parent' capacity!

I’m sure no apology will be forthcoming.

However, I’m a grown up and I also work in a caring job. If I fucked up id be clamouring to apologise. I wouldn’t hide from a person I’d insulted and pretend it didn’t happen.

In schools we reasonably expect that if children are unkind to each other they show remorse and apologise and have some sort of sanction. It’s very odd that a teacher - an actual adult - being unkind about a child is apparently fine and understandable though. It says a lot about the school if they hold their teachers to a much lower standard than pupils.

Yes exactly I’m wondering eyeroll read my OP properly - I’m not short because someone suggested my child has SEN. I’m upset because they made nasty comments about my child and others and parents.

In schools we reasonably expect that if children are unkind to each other they show remorse and apologise and have some sort of sanction. It’s very odd that a teacher - an actual adult - being unkind about a child is apparently fine and understandable though. It says a lot about the school if they hold their teachers to a much lower standard than pupils.
Most of us aren't saying it's ok!
I don't know what planet you're on where posters can say it's not ok and likely disciplinary will be taken and your response is to say 'apparently it's fine' 🙄.

Children being unkind in the playground is not the same as someone falling short of professional standards by behaving as your friends report this teacher has.

I can't believe this needs saying.

For what it's worth, if a serious incident happens in school between pupils it's fairly common in my experience for there to be an investigation, and the parents involved get told about their child, not the other child involved.

If, as you say, you believe the head's apologies are insincere, that there's likely to be a cover up, and there's historic piss taking by staff at the school, as well as concerns about whether they're meeting your child's education needs, I'd be looking to move school.

I'd not be keeping my child in a school where I had that little faith in their ability to educate and run the school, and no demanded apology from a teacher who got drunk and unprofessional would convince me to keep my child there.

There are lots of posts that are going off on a tangent. Why doesn't the teacher just apologise, it would be a start. She will have a reputation as being unkind as both a parent and a teacher, the grown up thing to do would be to face up to your behaviour not hide behind the Head and procedure.

On a private level I would be mortified if I got drunk and said those unnecessary things. I wouldn't as I am not a bitter person that is hateful to children.

Goldenbear
If she's being investigated or going through disciplinary then I would imagine she's not allowed to talk about it.

I know someone who was investigated for something and they weren't allowed to discuss it with anyone, including friends and colleagues whilst the process was ongoing.

Well my first thoughts on that would be that she should have reflected on the situation and anticipated the complaint, as if you are behaving like she did, responding with sarcasm when a parent points out how you are being inappropriate, calling the children brats, then surely you must realise almost straight away that you have not read the room correctly. If you didn't that night, first thing the next day. Even a vague apology on a group chat or via text message.

Secondly, how long does an investigation take, the school receives the complaint, Head asks did you do this and they either answer yes or no, it is not ambiguous, it is not a matter of perspective, e.g like did you shout at that young child or did you just talk loudly with instructions. In this situation did you call the children involved brats or not, end of investigation! Surely, if the teacher had admitted the school would encourage them to apologise as it might defuse the situation. If not they obviously are refuting it.

Even if an investigation is going on what harm would it do to take some responsibility and apologise. She'd be admitting she did it but she did. If you can talk so nastily about children as a teacher in a public place, you must have a lot of disdain and irritation for them. Ultimately, you should probably leave if this is the case.

Goldenbear
They behaved unprofessionally. I don't think many people would say otherwise.

Like you, I'd also message if I'd said anything untoward after a few drinks, but this person didn't. It reflects badly on them as a person, let alone a professional, but that's their prerogative.

If something is being handled by the school the teacher will be directed on what they can/can't say on the matter.

From what the OP says they have a list of things they are unhappy with the school over, including what they described as historic piss taking from teachers who have children in school. In their situation I'd be seriously considering a different school rather than complaining that someone hasn't been forced to say sorry to me.

That's really not how disciplinary proceedings work.

There was a complaint about one of our staff that led to them being permanently suspended. From the moment she was ordered to leave the building when the complaint came to light, she was not allowed to talk to anyone, and none of us were allowed to talk to her.
Her best friend worked at the school, so she was given permission to remain in contact with her under certain conditions, but these investigations have to be carried out with huge care, and awareness of the rights and legalities on both sides.

It's not just a case of "did you do it?" "Yes" "consider yourself slapped on the wrist and go and apologise"

Admittedly, the complaint was more serious in that case. But the thoroughness and confidentiality of any disciplinary procedure still applies. And it's what we would all want if there was a complaint against us at work.

And you have had an apology….

From the Head, good grief, do fully grown adults not take any responsibility for their actions anymore!

Exactly this.

An apology on behalf of another person is total BS. She needs to put her big girls pants on and say sorry

saraclara
That sounds similar to the situation I'm aware of, but the person wasn't suspended.

They weren't allowed to speak to anyone about it, when we had to make some timetable changes in the department we weren't given the details other than it's an investigation, which we weren't able to tell staff.

For any disciplinary process on any situation there's a series of steps, rights and responsibilities. I suspect it's pointless outlining this though.

I am surprised they went, it was most unprofessional what they said. It will have been dealt with in-house robustly. I doubt they will attend again. Most staff with kids at the school avoid any social events, even if they’re teatotal just to escape the glaze or unwanted questions etc.

Get over it.