What to do about Nanny

[Dilemma19]

Hi all, just looking for advice. We are a household of 5, 2 primary aged children and 10month old.
We have employed a housekeeper, nanny to assist us on a FT basis. I have some recent health issues with flare ups and struggled to keep up with home and kids. I'm a sahm, dh works and travels alot but is very hands on. The problem is the person has such a bad, awful attitude. She is perfectly fine until you need to ask her to do something your way or correct her about something and then the atmosphere at home is just awful. Another issue is that she is meant to help with my little one but she makes me feel under pressure to do what I need quickly and take the baby back. The problem is that it has taken forever to find someone and I'm really stuck without the additional help. It came to a bit of a head yesterday and I've been thinking about this and quite upset. Her contract states that we can request babysitting with notice. The last 3 times I asked her she couldn't do it. So yesterday I asked her again for next weekend and she firmly told me that she is never able because she has another job. So I brought up that, this was something that we were specific about and she has now changed the terms. Dh is away so that's why I asked her and yet again she isn't available. She spoke to me so so rudely, very arrogant as well. What would you do or how would you approach this?

Its a shaem for you about the Brexit. What you are looking for /from what I get from your OP/, a mature experienced aupair or a teacher looking to improve English used to fill this mothers help "section" of the nannying world pretty well. I used to have jobs like this and enjoyed working alongside mums.

Split the job.
Cleaner twice or 3 times a week.
Someone to look after the children.
Maybe morning and evenings.

You can get good healthy homemade meals made and delivered.

All this and change from.4k

speak to the agency and get a different nanny
and be more flexible on experience. You are around to supervise and someone with less experience is likely to be more flexible and fit in with how you want things done. Some of my best nannies have had little experience and younger than I originally wanted but were just really good kind sensible people

This sounds absolutely horrendous. Please don't give her another try. Keep her there till before her notice period expires and in the meantime try to get her replaced on the quiet.

Don't keep her whatever you do.

You might do a lot better to advertise part time hours at her full time rate and I'm sure you will get more support if you did. If offering extra money isn't working could you be flexible in what you offer? eg shift of 7am-10am. 2pm-6pm 2 days a week so someone could run errands, visit parents or whatever midday.

Once you get the right personality fit - you two will be able to coordinate with each other you can be more flexible together depending on your health and needs at the time and work together.

Well I'm gobsmacked that there are any early years/primary teachers left in London, because they could earn a hell of a lot more doing a fraction of the work* by being a housekeeper nanny.

*I'm not saying nannying isn't hard work, but I'm thinking of all the paperwork, lesson planning, resource making and other extraneous things as well as the wrangling of 30 little kids (as opposed to one baby and school pickups.).

As a nanny/housekeeper myself I'd be pretty cross if my employer went to the agency and not myself.

I've always, as a nanny become part of the family unit and we work together.

Here's some ideas.....

Personally over the years I've found that mother help jobs or jobs when a parent works from home can be rather challenging.
Either feeling micromanaged (even if it wasn't intentional) or the children behave differently because they don't know who's boundaries to follow.

Have you gone for someone qualified in childcare, with experience, paediatric first aid etc? Maybe she isn't confident with children if she expected to be mothers help or a house keeper predominantly.

The wages are fabulous and she should appreciate that (or maybe I should move to the city) working a 7-7 for 5 days that's £15p/h which is about right.

Equally the night out thing if it isn't specific days like every first Saturday of the month in the contract then it doesn't work because maybe she feels like you own her as such. She is entitled to have plans and even work another job.

Nannying works both way, you have to get on with the family and the nanny and work as a team for a stable upbringing of the children. She may be brilliant with them but the kids will pick up on the atmosphere.

It sounds like nannies are like gold dust in your area but you have to go off the vibes and almost become friends who can take guidance on jobs. I've always had a family for 8-10 years and that's ideally what you want. A extended family member who works their socks off.

Maybe she needs guidance, is she young? New to the work?

I'd also explain it's a large outgoing for yourselves so you have to ensure she's using the time effectively. She may feel awkward you're around.

Give her set times- structure.

Example every Tuesday and Thursday you have the baby sole charge 9-12, baby naps 12-2 so housework can be done in this time and then you do the school run.

Spreadsheet your needs and have a 1-1 chat. Tell the agency not to contact her.

I hope this helps

As a nanny of 25 years, I can assure you that Nanny/housekeeper is absolutely a valid role.

£4k isn't that massive. It's a decent wage for a decent career. Sure, OP seems to have got a nanny who needs review what she wants in a role, but £4k isn't that big a deal!

@saraclara but teachers get school holidays, 2 tea breaks and a lunch break.

Nannies get standard annual leave and 0 breaks. But this wage does seem rather high unless she does 7-7 Monday to Friday..... nannies are £12-£18p/h in my area

🤣

Housekeepers generally don't really want to do childcare and babysitting.
Nannies don't want to do housework and don't want to do odd bits of childcare for a SAHM.

I'd split the roles up.

absolutely agree with this, it's not working out.

make the roles clearer, easier to manage so you're not 100% reliant on this 1 employee to assist you. it will be easier in the long run

even if you had the perfect employee here, they need holidays, time off, get sick

splitting up the work into different roles with different days/expectations just makes it clearer for everyone.

I’d fire her then:

get a childminder who does wrap around care.

employer a cleaner and laundry service

Does she actually have a job definition or contract?

A housekeeper is very different to a nanny. And if I was hired as a childminder, I would not expect to be told to clean.

And if you're there all the time, this jus adds to the pressure.

It sounds like you'd be better off with a part-time cleaner and a part-time nanny.

Most of the time when I’ve been nannying it’s been very easy to get a break. While the baby is napping for example. Even if the child doesn’t nap playing with one child or taking them for a walk or wherever is not the same level of stress as teaching. And I think any early years teacher (and I not experience secondary school too) would laugh if they heard about their two tea breaks!

I'd be happy with a wee break, never mind a tea break!
If I'm not on duty, it's 2.5 hours, then a 5 minute walk to a toilet.
If I'm on duty, it's roughly 5 hours from start of form until a break for a wee. Not sure when there's time to put a kettle on.

Perhaps a cleaner and seperate nanny would be the answer.

See this is where ignorance (not meaning to be rude, but that's the word that fits here) gives all types of childcare a bad name in terms of wages.

As a full time nanny (I'm now part time, but stay with me), I was earning up to £4k a month. I've been a nanny for 25 years (yes, I know I keep saying that but experience matters).

That sounds alot. But I'm working between 40 and 60 hours a week. I do not get ANY breaks. I'm there at 7am and I leave at 7pm. Sometimes I leave at 9 or 10pm. Sometimes later.

I'm qualified. I qualified 23 years ago by working in a nursery and getting paid £80 a week. I was treated like shit. But I stuck it out.

I've worked fucking hard.

I nanny kids from birth to teens.

NONE of my kids have started school without being able to count. NONE of my kids have been started school without being able to write their names. ALL of my kids have known their alphabet and been able to spell and read. Not just recite. Read.

I've been a sports teacher. I've been a music teacher. I plan parties and I've covered parental duties when parents needed to go abroad for emergencies. I've been a friend and councillor to kids and families who have had loses. All as a nanny.

I'm 43 and my years of running around, being parent, sports coach, doctor, PA etc is catching up. 25 years of 50+ hours a week has caught up. My joints hurt. My bones hurt. My heart hurts from all that love and loss and moving on.

Stop comparing nannies to teachers. It's not comparative. We all work hard. I don't disagree that teachers should be paid more. But to hear 'oh I should have been a nanny cos it's easy work' is, quite frankly, fucking insulting.

Maybe everyone else realised that it wasn't relevant.

@NatashaDancing if you read my very early posts you can clearly see that I posted what she doesn't do - food prep for kids, bathtime routine, feeding etc which are all nanny duties so how am I back pedalling.
I'm paying that amount because the job is specific. On her first and last day of the week she is able to deep clean the entire place with lots of time to spare. It's the days in between that she is of no use. There are some people willing to pay much more and can't find anyone.

Oh my gosh you need to find someone else ASAP!!!

You cannot tolerate bad vibes in your own home.

Have you looked on childcare.co.uk ?

Advertise in The Lady magazine. There are often people looking for employers in there too. You can read it online via your library (if you belong to one) rather than buy the mag.
I've had some great housekeeping and nannying jobs through that publication. At one place in Berkshire I worked for a surgeon's family and earned £945 net pw living in 5.5 days plus car and that was 2006.
Good luck. 🍀🤞

Is she qualified? Maybe ask to chat and go through what you both are struggling with.
Her attitude isn’t ok. But does she feel more is being put on her than she expected. I have worked as a nanny many years ago and having a parent at home made it harder. If not maybe a babysitter with sitters for regular slots? Also get a cleaner.

IME, these ‘hybrid’ rolls are tedious, with long hours for the employees and seen as a way for employers to get the most out of someone.
That is why employers find them so hard to fill.

Get a cleaner and a separate childcare solution with a separate weekend babysitters.

A cleaner/housekeeper isn’t going to be experienced enough to (or want to) do bath and bedtime or any other childcare requirements.

A professional childcare provider/nanny, does not want to clean anything outside of their remit (nursery duties)

Anyone doing 40 hours a week does not want to work extra hours on the weekends.

@Dilemma19 These are the reasons you cannot fill this role.

@Sortyourlifeout
You won't mind me pointing out a couple of spelling errors.
COUNSELLOR and LOSSES. 😁