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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told DD6 the truth about Santa?

219 replies

Santaslittlehelper83 · 30/03/2023 10:13

A bit of an unseasonable thread, but it started as her questioning the existence of the Easter bunny, as a few things didn't add up to her about the school's easter egg hunt. We've never made a thing of the easter bunny, but have had egg hunts at home so I eventaully said 'yes it's the parents that hide the eggs'. I wish I hadn't as her train of thought went to the tooth fairy, then Santa. I wanted her to believe for a couple more years, as she still seems so little. I tried being vague saying along the lines of 'well we have to believe to keep the magic alive etc.....'. She wasn't to be fobbed off though and outright asked me if Santa was real and got the presents. In the end I felt I couldn't outright lie, so told her I didn't know whether Santa was real, but it is the parents that buy the gifts, and explained the tradition around that.

Well.....last night and this morning it is like the bottom has dropped out of her world. She is really upset and says she wishes she didn't know, that she feels there is no more magic in the world. I just don't know what to say to her, how to comfort her. She was so dejected going into school today, but she knows she can't say anything to her friends (I did have a quick word with the teacher). Has anyone else been through this, when a young child has been so upset? Was I unreasonable, should I just have lied?? Although I do believe she is upset, she is a bit of a dramatic child, and I think may be playing up to this abit. I feel awful and she is probably picking up on this. Arrrgh....any advice??? TIA.

OP posts:
Okunevo · 01/04/2023 09:24

TheGoogleMum · 01/04/2023 08:58

Wait do kids actually believe in the easter bunny? I'm sure I never believed that one (i dont think my parents ever went eith that narrative, eggs were from them and fsmily usually). I did believe in Santa till I was about 10 though!

I think it may be a recent thing. We never did it as children. We made Easter cards at school and Easter shredded wheat nests with mini eggs in. we chose our own large egg from the supermarket which was then hidden away until Easter, and were given medium eggs or a chocolate bunny by a few relatives. An Easter bunny bringing eggs wasn't mentioned at home or at school.

aSofaNearYou · 01/04/2023 10:37

TheGoogleMum · 01/04/2023 08:58

Wait do kids actually believe in the easter bunny? I'm sure I never believed that one (i dont think my parents ever went eith that narrative, eggs were from them and fsmily usually). I did believe in Santa till I was about 10 though!

Yeah I thought the same, I haven't been telling my DC the Easter Bunny is real.

It's playing with fire IMO; the more things you add to "the magic of childhood" the more dependent you are on everyone in society subscribing to all of those things so they don't ruin it all for your kids.

MelsMoneyTree · 01/04/2023 12:10

I really liked it when the annual santa dilemma/bunfight threads were kept to a few weeks around Christmas. Hmm

OP part of being a parent is working out what DCs are really asking (your DC wanted a vaguely plausible explanation for why the school had a different easter bunny story and reassured about the tiny, little bits of magic in her life) and what answers they are ready to hear (eg easter bunnies never visited when I was at school, you're so lucky!) . You messed up this time but the skill is one you'll need often over the years.

Untitledsquatboulder · 01/04/2023 12:21

Okunevo · 01/04/2023 09:24

I think it may be a recent thing. We never did it as children. We made Easter cards at school and Easter shredded wheat nests with mini eggs in. we chose our own large egg from the supermarket which was then hidden away until Easter, and were given medium eggs or a chocolate bunny by a few relatives. An Easter bunny bringing eggs wasn't mentioned at home or at school.

Show quote history

It's not a modern thing at all. Maybe previously more popular on the continent and in the States but its a really old European tradition.

Untitledsquatboulder · 01/04/2023 12:22

But thinking about it I believe it was an Easter hare not a rabbit originally

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/04/2023 12:24

WandaWonder · 30/03/2023 10:28
When my child started to ask questions I answered some things but mainly said 'what do you want to believe?'

So I have never fully gone black and white this is what happens but eventually must have worked it out”

This. Told ours, Santa keeps coming as long as you believe.

SoupDragon · 01/04/2023 12:36

MelsMoneyTree · 01/04/2023 12:10

I really liked it when the annual santa dilemma/bunfight threads were kept to a few weeks around Christmas. Hmm

OP part of being a parent is working out what DCs are really asking (your DC wanted a vaguely plausible explanation for why the school had a different easter bunny story and reassured about the tiny, little bits of magic in her life) and what answers they are ready to hear (eg easter bunnies never visited when I was at school, you're so lucky!) . You messed up this time but the skill is one you'll need often over the years.

How do you know that the OP's DD wanted? She asked a direct question after being "fobbed off". The OP did not mess up.

Sheeparemyfriends · 01/04/2023 12:56

Our kids always knew it was a fun pretend and the 'magic' was still there at Christmas and Easter, except it was their hard working mummy and daddy and family giving the gifts. They know who to thank then. Don't get me started on the Elf though......

Sheeparemyfriends · 01/04/2023 12:58

Hooray!

Tryphenia · 01/04/2023 13:03

icypompoms · 30/03/2023 12:23

It's no big deal. Many many many children in the uk and around the world aren't brought up believing Santa is real. They all live happy lives. Don't beat yourself up.

This. I’m always surprised about the hysterical insistence on ‘preserving the Magic’ on here — in all the places we’ve lived since having DS, there have been lots of children in his class from ethnic/religious backgrounds who didn’t do Christmas and/or Santa, or for whom some entirely different being brings gifts, sometimes on a different day (new Ukrainians in his class now), so he’s always been perfectly comfortable with the ‘some people believe…’ approach.

Okunevo · 01/04/2023 13:50

Untitledsquatboulder · 01/04/2023 12:21

It's not a modern thing at all. Maybe previously more popular on the continent and in the States but its a really old European tradition.

Show quote history

It just wasn't a thing in my family or ever mentioned at school in either the classroom or playground, or at brownies or cubs.

Liorae · 01/04/2023 13:59

I think that we should think about the children who won't get presents or a decent meal because their parents are living on the bread line. A lot of children are living in poverty because their parents are struggling or have other issues. Count your blessings that you and your daughter are okay and can celebrate Christmas.
How terribly unmagical.

Greengagesnfennel · 01/04/2023 14:43

You were caught off guard op. Parenting is full of mistakes but I'm sure it will be ok.

Have you ever watched Christmas on 34th street? Richard attenborough. It would be perfect to rescue the situation I think. Mum and daughter don't believe, all very realistic but in the end it is left open that maybe there is a real one, just as you told her. So you could maybe watch it with her?

Liorae · 01/04/2023 14:48

You were caught off guard op. Parenting is full of mistakes but I'm sure it will be ok.
I'm sure it is, but this is not one of them.

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:57

Liorae · 01/04/2023 14:48

You were caught off guard op. Parenting is full of mistakes but I'm sure it will be ok.
I'm sure it is, but this is not one of them.

Is that what you’d say to your adult DD if she ever presented same scenario as OP?

CleaningOutMyCloset · 01/04/2023 15:48

Bugger all you can do now. Strangely enough my dd came to the conclusion that Santa and the Easter bunny weren't really, but truly believed in the tooth fairy - go figure

DappledThings · 01/04/2023 15:53

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:57

Is that what you’d say to your adult DD if she ever presented same scenario as OP?

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That sometimes we make mistakes but answering a question kindly and honestly isn't making a mistake? Yes I'd say that to my adult DD, why on earth wouldn't I?

Liorae · 01/04/2023 16:07

Villssev · 01/04/2023 14:57

Is that what you’d say to your adult DD if she ever presented same scenario as OP?

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Yes.

Villssev · 01/04/2023 16:17

Liorae · 01/04/2023 16:07

Yes.

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Shame

although upside is I very much doubt she would have confided you on the first place

Villssev · 01/04/2023 16:18

DappledThings · 01/04/2023 15:53

That sometimes we make mistakes but answering a question kindly and honestly isn't making a mistake? Yes I'd say that to my adult DD, why on earth wouldn't I?

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I wasn’t referring to you

DappledThings · 01/04/2023 16:22

Villssev · 01/04/2023 16:18

I wasn’t referring to you

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I know. But you responded with, "would you say that to your adult DD" to someone who had said "we all make mistakes but this isn't one of them". I was answering that question. Can't understand why anyone would object to that

Villssev · 01/04/2023 16:24

she was meaning… this isn’t a small mistake that a child easily gets over

ie it’s really shit of you as a parent to have made this mistake

Villssev · 01/04/2023 16:24

I don’t think you are reading the correct post I was referring to!

DappledThings · 01/04/2023 16:25

Villssev · 01/04/2023 16:24

she was meaning… this isn’t a small mistake that a child easily gets over

ie it’s really shit of you as a parent to have made this mistake

Ah, fair enough. I interpreted it as "parenting is full of mistakes but this isn't one of them". I.e. you did nothing wrong.

TommyNever · 01/04/2023 16:27

I'd say you have nothing to worry about. There's no reason to lie to children about these things. It's actually rather dubious to do so IMO as it leaves them vulnerable to more harmful kinds of deceit.

Little kids who know the truth about Santa Claus can still enjoy going along with the story, it's like any other imaginative game.

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