To have told DD6 the truth about Santa?

[Santaslittlehelper83]

A bit of an unseasonable thread, but it started as her questioning the existence of the Easter bunny, as a few things didn't add up to her about the school's easter egg hunt. We've never made a thing of the easter bunny, but have had egg hunts at home so I eventaully said 'yes it's the parents that hide the eggs'. I wish I hadn't as her train of thought went to the tooth fairy, then Santa. I wanted her to believe for a couple more years, as she still seems so little. I tried being vague saying along the lines of 'well we have to believe to keep the magic alive etc.....'. She wasn't to be fobbed off though and outright asked me if Santa was real and got the presents. In the end I felt I couldn't outright lie, so told her I didn't know whether Santa was real, but it is the parents that buy the gifts, and explained the tradition around that.

Well.....last night and this morning it is like the bottom has dropped out of her world. She is really upset and says she wishes she didn't know, that she feels there is no more magic in the world. I just don't know what to say to her, how to comfort her. She was so dejected going into school today, but she knows she can't say anything to her friends (I did have a quick word with the teacher). Has anyone else been through this, when a young child has been so upset? Was I unreasonable, should I just have lied?? Although I do believe she is upset, she is a bit of a dramatic child, and I think may be playing up to this abit. I feel awful and she is probably picking up on this. Arrrgh....any advice??? TIA.

My joyless parents told me there was no Father Christmas when I was 3. I did keep it to myself and never spoiled it for anyone else, bless me.

Bossy boots! 😂

My hair dresser told me once that when he was little and asked his dad about whether father christmas was real his dad responded with 'now you are big enough to ask you become a "father christmas". Each father christmas spreads christmas joy to other people. They become the magic that is christmas and now you too can become the magic. You are trusted to keep this secret from younger children who are not ready to be father christmas yet and to help make our christmas magical' he was a bit older then your daughter but if you want to reinstate magic without lying you could take this approach as it is the adults playing the role that bring the magic. You could also tell her that even if she does not believe anymore she can still put a stocking out, Xmas tree up, leave out a mince pie or what ever you did last year. She might be worried she now won't get easter egg hunts, something from the tooth fairy or Xmas gifts

When I asked my mum about Santa when I was around 7, she turned my questions back on me to ask me what I thought. That way she could work out what I actually wanted her to tell me. Whether I was asking because I knew and wanted confirmation or if I wanted her to tell me he was real. She worked out that it was the latter and I believed until I was 11. I always planned to do the same with my DS but he's never asked. He's got to have his doubts by now but he's a clear believer. Some kids just want to believe for a very long time, others favour knowing the truth at a young age.

My ds worked it out when he was the same age. His reasoning was that I f there was a FC then he'd bring poor kids loads of gifts so you wouldn't need charity appeals.

He's a good kid so was happy to pretend when with kids who believed.

Hopefully she will feel better when she realises that knowing doesn't mean the end of Christmas being special. You can still hang stockings, see FC at the garden centre (if you do that ) and all the crafts etc Now that she Knows, it can be the start of her helping spread Christmas cheer for others too.

You don't want to upset them is one of those reasons. I know death is a part of life but to tell a child that someone has died is hard and you're grieving yourself. To talk about death, in general, is easy.

Don’t beat yourself up OP, you were caught off guard and she’ll be over it in no time!

She probably will tell other kids, and she probably won’t be the only one. Other kids will argue that it is real because their mum said so. Honestly, little kids argue about whether Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy are real all the time. Not every family has the same traditions and they obviously talk amongst themselves.

I think it’s honestly amazing that on a societal level we’ve all agreed to keep the Santa thing going - people in supermarkets asking kids what they’ve asked Santa for, tv ads, schools etc - and no one ruins it PURELY so children get presents. Honestly I think that’s soooo magical! Presents are ace and you’re only a kid once. We’ve never done Easter bunny/anything for Easter really, but hope to keep Santa going. Then when DS1 (age 8) finds out, he’ll be in on that massive widespread magical scheme to keep the magic going for everyone else!

Wow some people are so full of joy aren’t they. Why does everything have to be serious and mundane. Talking about not lying to a tiny child about something most dc find magical like it’s some big conspiracy. Goodness sake dc have been believing in Santa since time began. It’s supposed to be a bit of fun for them and their parents. Do we really have to suck every bit of joy out of the world in the name of being ‘right’.
I do feel a bit sad for your dc op, she has now missed out on years of this fun experience that most dc get to enjoy, as have you tbh. 6 is prime Santa enjoyment age. Nothing you can do now though.
Why do we make them grow up so fast these days.

and no one ruins it PURELY so children get presents.

er, they'd still get presents.

Your daughter will be fine. My children discovered Santa wasn't real when they caught me wrapping gifts.

It's no big deal. Many many many children in the uk and around the world aren't brought up believing Santa is real. They all live happy lives. Don't beat yourself up.

There is a lovely story about now you know the truth about who Santa is you have to become part of Santa for others.
Could you start with the Easter Bunny? Go buy an egg and drop it off at e.g. a nursing home or a food bank. And bring in then that of course your daughter will need to be Santa in December too, and pass on the magic to others?

I think the answer is "Mother like daughter" and "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree". Her daughter is serious because she gets it from her mother.

I don't think the op's intentions were to be woke. I think she overthought the whole thing.

Why do we make them grow up so fast these days. (Not about op below)
To get rid of them earlier of course but then they grow up behaving badly. Amsterdam won't let us in the country because we don't know how to behave.

This is my thoughts too. I've always gone with 'we believe what we want to believe'. I've also lived for a time in a country where father christmas was a member of the family and brought the presents in the afternoon while we were awake. Everyone knew it was grandad but it was still magical!
Your Christmas magic is what you make it.

Probably the most patronising ignorant reply I've ever seen on mumsnet.

DS was 6 when he asked outright if Father Christmas was real or whether it was just DH and me buying stocking presents. Didn't occur to me to lie to him once he'd asked himself. Just said to make sure he didn't tell anyone at school in case they still believe. He was perfectly happy with that. Was actually really chuffed he knew something DC2 didn't.

I don't get the angst about "the magic".

“It’s a lovely story we can still enjoy pretending, can’t we?”

Meh. I love Christmas. Really really don't like the telling kids santa is real. It's not magic. Magic is carols and Christmas trees and celebrating as people across the world have done for thousands of years. It's lighting a candle against the dark. If you're Christian (even if you're not) it's the Christ Child in his mother's arms, precious and vulnerable like every other newborn. It's thinking of nice presents and getting them too. It's feasting with friends and family. It's telling Christmas stories and going for a Boxing Day walk.

Telling them Santa is real is just lying.

(Deep breath. I have to keep schtum about this in real life).

For fuck's sake in the 70s few children believed in Father Christmas (because we never used 'Santa') past about 4 because older siblings told us the truth and with no care about scarring us for life.

Exactly! If the two major Christian festivals hadn't been taken over by commercialism (starting with Coca Cola, years ago) none of us would be in this fix with children! Actually, the true story of St Nicolas (December 6th) is absolutely lovely - it makes far more sense to tell children about that than to invent 'Father Christmas'.

Plus - if Santa is real and gives good children presents, then the kids that don't get nice presents must be bad. Which is just lovely for poor kids.

It’s not up to parents when children find out that lies (in the bluntest possible term) they’ve been told are lies. Different children believe in different things and it should be ok to discuss that in the classroom. Many families don’t celebrate Christmas at all and as such their children don’t get presents or believe in Father Christmas. Should the Jehovah’s Witness child in class at school have lied throughout December to maintain a myth for the rest of the class?

Me too, SusieP, me too!

I think its okay! I try hard to never get in the position of them asking me outright and when they do and I am backed in a corner, I tell them 'of course there is a santa! wink wink' and bring them in on the conspiracy a bit without actually saying out loud there is not. They can then choose to make of that what they wish but its a bit of a softer landing.

You drew a hard line in the sand about it so the best next thing to do is treat her with respect and have a proper conversation about why adults love to keep this magic alive for kids and what a wonderful thing it is for as long as it lasts. Then make sure you speak about all the things in the world that are absolutely magical for real. Newborn babies and puppies and kittens, the seasons and the weather, anything in nature really, how people love and form bonds etc.