To have told DD6 the truth about Santa?

[Santaslittlehelper83]

A bit of an unseasonable thread, but it started as her questioning the existence of the Easter bunny, as a few things didn't add up to her about the school's easter egg hunt. We've never made a thing of the easter bunny, but have had egg hunts at home so I eventaully said 'yes it's the parents that hide the eggs'. I wish I hadn't as her train of thought went to the tooth fairy, then Santa. I wanted her to believe for a couple more years, as she still seems so little. I tried being vague saying along the lines of 'well we have to believe to keep the magic alive etc.....'. She wasn't to be fobbed off though and outright asked me if Santa was real and got the presents. In the end I felt I couldn't outright lie, so told her I didn't know whether Santa was real, but it is the parents that buy the gifts, and explained the tradition around that.

Well.....last night and this morning it is like the bottom has dropped out of her world. She is really upset and says she wishes she didn't know, that she feels there is no more magic in the world. I just don't know what to say to her, how to comfort her. She was so dejected going into school today, but she knows she can't say anything to her friends (I did have a quick word with the teacher). Has anyone else been through this, when a young child has been so upset? Was I unreasonable, should I just have lied?? Although I do believe she is upset, she is a bit of a dramatic child, and I think may be playing up to this abit. I feel awful and she is probably picking up on this. Arrrgh....any advice??? TIA.

Bit off topic, but pretty much everything you know as Christmas predates Christianity by thousands of years, including gift giving. That it was stolen from the pagans’ Yule and a story overlaid (which is very similar to stories in other religions) isn’t something to celebrate for us, really.

You weren't unreasonable at all. She wanted to know and you told her.

I did the same when my eldest was about 7 I won't outright lie to them. (My youngest never believed incidentally . .flying reindeer were just a step too far for him). I think he was sad for a day and then got over it. He left the mince pie and milk out on Christmas Eve for years after as it was "fun to do".

Do people really tell their kids the Easter Bunny brings eggs?

We've never done that. I don't think I know anyone who does that.

Eggs are gifts from people.

Tooth Fairy and Santa are only magical creatures in our lives.

That's a real shame about your daughter.

Don't most kids figure it out around 6 or 8? I know I and my friends did. A lot of kids don't bother telling their parents that they no longer believe the lies.

I think you did the right thing, and the response so far especially not talking to other children seems to be working well. Perhaps nearer to Christmas remind your DD about what not to say to other children.

You were quite right to tell your daughter the truth. At six most kids don't believe in Father Christmas any more and in some cultures, there is no such myth.

She may be a bit upset right now but will soon be over it. You can all still play fantasy when Christmas comes around again.

By the time your kid asks if Santa is real, they already know he is not, and just want you to acknowledge the lie.

Yeah, they do.

My daughter is 7. She definitely worked it out last Christmas (she had just turned 7)

We didn’t have the conversation about it, but she did lose interest in all “Santa” type events. She went to stand with him in a photo with her younger cousin, but you could tell by her expression and such that she was not convinced 😂 the only thing she got excited about was meeting reindeer (and I don’t think that was because of the Santa connection)

We also do elf on the shelf and normally she’s really excited to see what the elf has done; this year she wasn’t bothered at all.

That being said, Christmas was still magical and she was still really excited. We did a nice Christmas night out to see the lights, she helped with present wrapping and so on. I’d actually say it was the most magical Christmas so far!

You 100% did the right thing. It’ll lay the foundation for a great relationship in the future, where you are both honest with each other. I don’t lie to my children, I never have. I may have let them continue in a belief, without disillusioning them until they asked me outright, but the minute I get asked a straight question, I’ve always given them a straight answer. That includes Santa and my husband adopting my oldest DS. None of them ever held the Santa thing against me, and now they can tell me anything at all - even to the point that I don’t really want to know the details 😂 but we built trust from a young age.

I think that we should think about the children who won't get presents or a decent meal because their parents are living on the bread line. A lot of children are living in poverty because their parents are struggling or have other issues. Count your blessings that you and your daughter are okay and can celebrate Christmas.

When my partner was a child his mum struggled to make ends meet she was a single mum as well. With the little money he had left, he bought his brothers and sisters a balloon for Christmas. He wanted to make everyone happy that's what Christmas is about its the little things that we do for each other.

YABU you should let her believe as long as possible

Well there were absolutely no F*s given in our house about the easter bunny, tooth fairy slightly more but nt much but Santa! Santa doesn't get the present he only leaves one present but if you don't believe he wont leave anything.
At 6 I would say you have properly burst her bubble and ruined the little magic window you have until they are 9/10.

You have mentally scarred your child for life.

She will remember to this forever.

Do not be surprised if she turns into ChristmasZilla when she has her own kids and refuses contact with you around Christmas

I can't tell what's parody or not on here sometimes. This is a joke post right? Please say it is.

I categorically cannot tell you what age I was when I stopped believing, I just don't feel like it was ever a big event.

You've done nothing wrong OP, your daughter sounds really mature so maybe have a conversation with her to explain she's now entrusted with the magic- give her a sense of responsibility with it.

Sorry but I would have lied 😬

Mine are older than that and because I neither want to lie to them nor ruin the magic my response to the Santa question is: ‘I don’t know how a computer works but it does and I’m not going to start poking about trying to find out how it works in case I break it’. I always say it with a laugh and refuse to be drawn further so they can come to their own conclusions without it being brutally spelled out.

I don't agree that you should have lied. Ds2 asked me at the same age and was really relieved when I told him the truth. He likes the world to be logical and Father Christmas and the Tooth Fairy just aren't. Also found the idea of strange beings creeping around his room at night disturbing.

You did the right thing. If they aren't fobbed off with vague explanations like you tried and ask directly then it is time to tell them.

Lying in response to a direct question is just wrong (and very different from making up the story about Santa in the first place)

How to ruin the magic of childhood

Agree with you. It's really not your responsibility OP if you decide not to lie and other parents want to. You have to deal with the consequences of your own situation and they theirs. If your DD does tell anyone else that's not on you because you didn't choose to lie like everyone else. And it can still be magic in other ways

Has to be a joke. Noone would be so ridiculous.

Ultimately YANBU - it is not a requirement to adhere to these specific traditions at all, it isn't mandatory.

If I had an inkling it was going to upset her this much I probably would have lied, but it sounds like she has too much of an analytical brain to believe for as long as some children do.

Wait do kids actually believe in the easter bunny? I'm sure I never believed that one (i dont think my parents ever went eith that narrative, eggs were from them and fsmily usually). I did believe in Santa till I was about 10 though!

I don't think I was even aware of the Easter Bunny. My grandparents always set up a hunt in the garden but there was never a pretence of a magical bunny.