Partner wants to go to Amsterdam .. history of cheating

[00621644B]

Keep it brief. Been with partner for 4 years. We split a couple of years ago as I suspected cheating, he ended it, then confesses to big scale infidelity. Mostly with sex workers .

He spent time alone said he wanted to be sure he could treat me right and 18 months ago he asked to give it another go. Moved in with me . Last October I found out he cheated when I was away on a family holiday (he didn't come as he had no annual leave left) again with a sex worker. There's been in December him registering with adult work. Doing stuff on babestation too. Internet searches for escorts in the area.

A while ago his brother suggested a weekend to Amsterdam. I said I wasn't comfortable him going and why. We argued over it. He was very angry I didn't trust him.. that he felt he had no freedom no life if he couldn't go away with his mates. Then the October cheating happened and he stopped mentioning this trip. Now a friend has asked him. This morning I again Said no I not happy and I think its outrageous you would even ask or consider it. He's gone to the gym now but he's a sulker and I can tell this will.come up when he returns home. Its very much stamps foot its not fair my life is over all the other boys mummy's say they can boo hoo.

Next year there's most likely q stag to Vegas coming up, obviously I wouldn't expect him not to go and would suck it up. But again sex workers are ten a penny there and he's been before yrs ago and went down that road. His argument is he's been to dam 3 times and never used an escort or worker in the red light district. To be fair his use of them could happen here after a night out.

How do I approach and handle this now

He gets on great with my children. They don't know or see that side of him. They love him to bits and I am scared of hurting them

They might not know he's a drug taking wanker who pays for sex but you do and it's making you miserable and you're their mum.

They deserve a happy, healthy mum who isn't constantly anxious and worried because of the arsehole they're in a relationship with.

You deserve to be happy and healthy.

I don't think there's much point us all continuing posting. Sorry to be harsh but it's so obvious he is a massive waste of space, a hypocrite and generally disgusting. If you want to continue to put up with this sort of behaviour, more fool you.

Please work on yourself and get rid of this loser

You deserve so much more.

They’ll work it out eventually though. And then wonder why you put up with him.

You know the answer.

@00621644B

The cheating I know of probably totals double figures. Plus contact with escorts which didn't take place in a booking. The whole thing is just stupid and no I don't trust him.

OP, a man who is such a serial cheat and who gets angry and sulks because you, quite rightly, believe he'll go on to cheat isn't worth having in your life. You are wasting your life and your energy having anything to do with him. Pack his bags, tell him to leave, and be grateful you are not tied to him by having biological children with him, or deeply financial entangled and having to go through a messy divorce.

Please believe that you are better off without him, gather up your self respect and send him on his way. I'm not pretending you'll find this easy but isn't being without this disrespectful person who's treating you with such disdain a better option? This time be strong, Change your locks and don't take him back. 🌹

YABU to think he will ever change. If it isn't Amsterdam, it will be the next time you're away for the night.

How do you deal with this now? By leaving him.

Don’t let him go. Tell him to go and to never darken your doorstep ever again. You owe it to yourself and your children to get this sulky, sleazy, cheating scumbag out of your life once and for all!

Fuck him getting counselling, you get it!

Don't waste money on him.

Well he's cheated and you're still with him. So what does it matter where he cheats? He can cheat here or Amsterdam. Life very often is about the choices you make, and accepting the inevitable outcome

End the relationship it’s a joke

OK how many times does he have to cheat on you and humiliate and degrade you before you say that enough is enough. How many times do you let him compromise your health by exposing you to STDs before you put an end to this. This is not a situation that your children should be exposed to. Kids are bright enough to know when something is wrong and you owe it to them to get rid of the cheating scum. You and your children deserve so much better. Let us help you find the strength to end this as he isn't ever going to change and you only have one life..how much more of your precious life are you going to allow him to waste.

I am searching deep inside for the strength.. I feel physically ill / sick/ anxious .

It's that bad I am trying to find ways to fill all his free time so he doesn't go out with friends so he doesn't stay at his house In case he drinks then cheats.

If he's on his phone I am wondering what he's searching or who he's texting

If he doesn't answer the phone I wonder if he's with a prostitute.

We went out with mutual friends Saturday evening and I made sure my parents had the kids so I could stay at his house as I didn't trust him to stay there without me as I know what he would do.

It's not fair . I am a nervous wreck and I am sure he can't be happy. I am dragging us both down.

What I am in fear of is being alone lonely and isolated. I love my children I really do and try and make them happy. I have zero friends. My family are much older than me and do their own thing. Even reaching out about this wouldn't change that. I can literally go days or weeks without anyone calling or texting.. my social life is through him. I am scared of the crushing silence and loneliness

Make friends. It would be easier than getting constant STDs.

I am dragging us both down.

No, he is dragging you down. He is a vampire sucking out any vestige of self esteem and confidence you have left.

He won't stop cheating as he knows you will put up with any bad behaviour.

Honestly, being on your own is better than being with someone who is completely destroying any self respect you have left.

It’s horrifying that you’re making your poor kids, who are already traumatised from having an alcoholic father, live with this piece of scum. A cokehead who coerces sex out of women cannot be trusted around kids. Can social services step in? Anyone available to safeguard them at all? So disturbing.

You know deep down this isn't living. Aren't you exhausted by having to constantly be on guard in case he has an opportunity to cheat...being alone and spending time working on yourself will be better for you. Being alone isn't a bad thing. You learn self reliance and you are worth more than the scraps this pathetic beast is willing to throw you.

SO WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH HIM?

WHY ARE YOU SUBJECTING YOUR CHILDREN TO HIM?

Please, go to your GP. Get counselling. Get out.

How did you meet him in the first place?

I knew a family member of his through a shared hobby. Met him a few times and got to know each other as friends

Fucking hell OP, if you can't do it for you do it for your kids. Can you even begin to think the toll this is taking on you? Living on your nerves will not be doing your body any good. Ive already said this twice this morning 🙄 but if you won't leave then you need to find ways to deal with it and suck it up. Meditation, crack, fuck knows. Oh and keep your kids out of this awful, toxic mess. Only see him when they are not around, they will already carry trauma from an alcoholic father, don't add to it.

He’s not worth one moments thought, never mind typing out paragraph after paragraph. The sole important thing is prioritising and safeguarding your poor kids as a matter of urgency. I’m gobsmacked that a cokehead serial coercer of women’s bodies has access to your kids, truly skin crawling.

He sounds deeply damaged sexually. Safeguard your children. All you need is to love them more than you love him.