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Original poster

Partner wants to go to Amsterdam .. history of cheating

251 replies

00621644B · 30/03/2023 09:27

Keep it brief. Been with partner for 4 years. We split a couple of years ago as I suspected cheating, he ended it, then confesses to big scale infidelity. Mostly with sex workers .

He spent time alone said he wanted to be sure he could treat me right and 18 months ago he asked to give it another go. Moved in with me . Last October I found out he cheated when I was away on a family holiday (he didn't come as he had no annual leave left) again with a sex worker. There's been in December him registering with adult work. Doing stuff on babestation too. Internet searches for escorts in the area.

A while ago his brother suggested a weekend to Amsterdam. I said I wasn't comfortable him going and why. We argued over it. He was very angry I didn't trust him.. that he felt he had no freedom no life if he couldn't go away with his mates. Then the October cheating happened and he stopped mentioning this trip. Now a friend has asked him. This morning I again Said no I not happy and I think its outrageous you would even ask or consider it. He's gone to the gym now but he's a sulker and I can tell this will.come up when he returns home. Its very much stamps foot its not fair my life is over all the other boys mummy's say they can boo hoo.

Next year there's most likely q stag to Vegas coming up, obviously I wouldn't expect him not to go and would suck it up. But again sex workers are ten a penny there and he's been before yrs ago and went down that road. His argument is he's been to dam 3 times and never used an escort or worker in the red light district. To be fair his use of them could happen here after a night out.

How do I approach and handle this now

OP posts:
Itsbytheby · 30/03/2023 13:31

OP, I can see you are struggling here.

But, kindly, the location is only an enabler (ease of access, and not being caught). The fact you think he would use sex workers if given the opportunity is the issue, and you clearly do.

I would get rid.

Original poster
00621644B · 30/03/2023 20:06

Thanks for the replies.

Someone asked my advice to my daughter if it were her. Well there would be support being suggested. But it would be him supporting a fly over on the m26...

The cheating I know of probably totals double figures. Plus contact with escorts which didn't take place in a booking. The whole thing is just stupid and no I don't trust him. My family will just say oh I am sure you will get it sorted. There's no support help discussion even an ear or shoulder seriously. The friends. I think one is genuinely gone for good. So that's that. He says it's not his fault she's judgemental and was looking for a reason to bin me off and never a true friend. I dunno

OP posts:
cartagenagina · 30/03/2023 20:17

Ewwww!

He is disgusting! How can you bear to be around him? All those sex workers and fuck knows what else. And the drugs.

Kick him out and sign yourself up for some therapy. I guarantee your self esteem will recover when you have dumped this nasty specimen.

No wonder you don’t want to have sex with him, he’s probably riddled with STDs. 🤢

Sainsburysbunny · 30/03/2023 20:18

Can I ask you what part of the country you are in the sex worker use is so regular? It does not happen all that much round where I am... Only single older men/ creeps do it.

I can't believe you ever have him a second chance to be honest. Not judging you, I just couldn't look at someone the same way again.

Frankola · 30/03/2023 20:19

He has a solid history of cheating on you. He did it once, said he wouldn't do it again. You got back with him. He's done it numerous times since.

He has no respect for you and he knows if he cheats it doesn't matter because you'll take him back.

It makes no difference whether its in Amsterdam, Las Vegas or your local pub, he's going to carry on cheating no matter where he is in the world.

Please end things with him. He's a total knob

getafringenotbotox · 30/03/2023 21:05

He is the common denominator not the location.

Bin him or this will be your life. Worrying who he is shagging.

He's not even any good in bed from what you have said.

Shit partner. Shit in bed selfish. A liar. He's a fucking nuisance not a partner. Just get rid of him he is not worth it.

What would he say to you if the roles were reversed?

Original poster
00621644B · 30/03/2023 21:08

Roles reversed he would be long long gone. He's been clear if I cheated now he would go despite his cheating. Not something I would do . I am not like that. He gets irritated if men are checking me out or coming on to me if we are out together

OP posts:
Rainbowmama2023 · 30/03/2023 21:13

@00621644B I am going to be honest with you - this relationship sounds doomed and I can’t understand why you are still with him. I don’t understand why you would want to be with someone that not only has cheated with sex workers but also why you would want to be with someone who you do not trust.
You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who you can fall asleep at night whilst they’re in another country knowing they wouldn’t hurt you because they respect you and you trust them. I can’t imagine my husband going away and me being so worried he will cheat on me.
It is really sad that you feel like this way but I think deep down you know what you need to do x sending you strength

IDontWantToBeAPie · 30/03/2023 21:15

Let him go... and then let him stay away and remove him from your life.

Serial cheaters and serial sex work users never stop. They don't change. He will do this over and over and over.

JayniSummers · 30/03/2023 21:15

Please have a brief look at uk punters site . It's full of delightful men who give other delightful men advice , recommendations and feedback about women , most traffic who they buy to have sex with . Read a few comments, and then don't kid yourself your partner is any different. Leave him and realise you deserve better

IDontWantToBeAPie · 30/03/2023 21:16

Also many of the women in De Walden (the red light district) are trafficked. It's horrible.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 30/03/2023 21:16

Wallen*

JayniSummers · 30/03/2023 21:16
  • trafficked
QueSyrahSyrah · 30/03/2023 21:23

You handle it by waving him off to Amsterdam, then taking all the filthy bastard's stuff to the tip and changing the locks while he's away.

OP honestly I want to shake you. YOU WERE FREE. What in god's name possessed you to give him another chance, and then another and another? It's no wonder your friends have given up and drifted off. I couldn't watch a friend be so steadfastly stupid either, TBH.

He will 100% shag a sex worker in Amsterdam, because he knows he's risking nothing. You'll still be there when he gets home, and from Vegas, and from every other time. You've shown him no different, he's got nothing to fear.

choccytime · 30/03/2023 21:37

Are you mad ^^

cornflakegeneration · 30/03/2023 22:55

Do you have children together?

Original poster
00621644B · 01/04/2023 00:46

No children together. Children are mine. He doesn't have any of his own

OP posts:
Arushandaflush · 01/04/2023 02:47

Christ. You’re choosing to stay with a man who buys sex, is selfish in bed, does drugs, he sounds absolutely charming op. I’m using my last bit of energy before I sleep to tell you to please LTB already, men like this don’t ever change

Woopzies · 01/04/2023 03:57

00621644B · 01/04/2023 00:46

No children together. Children are mine. He doesn't have any of his own

Great! Off you trot then. He's not worth it.

Unic0rnSparkle0405 · 01/04/2023 04:19

I'm sorry, but he will cheat on you again whether he goes to Amsterdam or not.

You need to kick him out for good, you are worth so much more. He definitely is NOT the be all and end all.

Seaitoverthere · 01/04/2023 06:38

I just don’t understand what you are getting out of staying with him.

cornflakegeneration · 01/04/2023 14:21

Please get rid of him for the sake of your children

TeaMistress · 01/04/2023 14:29

OK so you know he has cheated before, not once, not twice but repeatedly. He is looking for another opportunity to cheat by visiting Amsterdam and potentially exploiting sex workers there. If he doesn't go Amsterdam he will be looking to cheat on you with someone else. You cannot trust him. For your sake and that of your children please put an end to this relationship. How many more years of your life do you want to waste with this disgusting lecherous creature.

704703hey · 01/04/2023 14:36

You sound completely worn down 🙁

It's easy for a stranger to say but there is some serious confidence rebuilding to do. You can have a better life without him.

How does he get on with your children?

maddening · 01/04/2023 14:37

Dump him and work on your self esteem.

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