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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is a complete waste of bloody money now?!

479 replies

TheScreams · 29/03/2023 16:09

For Christmas, DH booked us a weekend away. In reality, what that means is that at 10pm on Christmas Eve, DH realised he hadn’t bought me a bloody Christmas present and so booked an airbnb hut on a campsite for next weekend. He spoke to a relative we were staying with for Christmas and they agreed to have DS and DD for the weekend (booked from Saturday to Monday). I tried to be grateful at the time and not express that it was bloody obvious that he’d thrown it together at the last second and not given it a single second of actual thought.

He spoke to the relative a few weeks ago and they told him they can only look after DS and DD from 8pm Saturday until 8am Monday. So, we’ll get to the campsite from midnight on Saturday and will have to leave by 4am on Monday. He’s also not planned anything for the dogs so they’re coming too - so, on Sunday, our only day there, we can’t do anything that’s not dog friendly. But DH didn’t think to mention this until today.

I live in a bloody national park so I’m not sure why my Christmas present is travelling across the country, for “two nights” where I don’t get a decent night’s sleep on either and then get to have a dog walk and to sit in a pub for the day. I could bloody well do that two minutes from my house!

It’s bloody non-refundable. It feels like a complete and total waste of time and money to go on this trip. AIB a complete bitch to be completely ungrateful for this “gift” that actually just sounds like shit?

OP posts:
CrazyDogLady96 · 29/03/2023 20:35

I’ll be honest, at first I thought YABU, but it’s the timings for me… no way would I travel four hours each way for a late night followed by a ridiculously early morning

oh, and a couple of people have said it would be easy to put the dogs in kennels… if OP’s DH had booked it at Christmas then sure, but at this short notice there’s no way they’ll get them in to any halfway decent kennels so that won’t help really

Avarua2 · 29/03/2023 20:35

No electricity and toilets? Hard no from me.
Totally shit gift.

What I would like is a weekend away that lasts a bloody weekend, with electricity and inside toilets. I don’t think that’s too much to bloody ask.
Tell him this. Get him to book something else, closer. Forfeit the lost money (you might be able to get partial refund from the campsite owner).

Zanatdy · 29/03/2023 20:36

At least get him to try and get the dogs sorted with some last minute boarding etc

Original poster
TheScreams · 29/03/2023 20:38

All the reviews are stellar and it sounds like heaven on earth based on them. …for a box in a field with no electricity, no toilets in the pissing rain, with two muddy spaniels… I don’t bloody get it. I’m really upset about it.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 29/03/2023 20:39

Zanatdy · 29/03/2023 20:36

At least get him to try and get the dogs sorted with some last minute boarding etc

More expense that doesn't solve the problem that they have a very limited time window due to DC, the place doesn't have electricity or a toilet and it's an 8 hour round trip away.

Sounds like the OP would do best to not go and use it as a kick up the arse learning experience for him.

EpicDay · 29/03/2023 20:40

I have to say that I am usually pretty relaxed about things like this - but your update about still breastfeeding and needing to express milk has just made me think you need, if at all possible, to sit down with your DH and gently explain that this is just very far from what you need right now. Do you think you could do it without dwelling too much on the crapness of the present? You could say how lovely it is to have two evenings without the children, that you are really pleased about that and that you want to make the most of it by having a lovely sleep in a comfortable warm home. I wonder whether you could possibly take the heat out of the situation and deal with his thoughtlessness later but salvage something of having childcare for the weekend. But definitely definitely don’t go …..

Marchintospring · 29/03/2023 20:40

No refund but perhaps you could get a change of date? Get it for September when you may not need to express milk and you can get the kids and dogs sorted.
I’d be hurt if I couldn’t think what to get my high earning partner, panic bought and they hated my gift and were rude about it.
I think you are allowed to point out his lack of organisational skills.

nomoremerlot · 29/03/2023 20:42

Marchintospring · 29/03/2023 20:40

No refund but perhaps you could get a change of date? Get it for September when you may not need to express milk and you can get the kids and dogs sorted.
I’d be hurt if I couldn’t think what to get my high earning partner, panic bought and they hated my gift and were rude about it.
I think you are allowed to point out his lack of organisational skills.

Or the DH could do all that, without the BF bit?

Avarua2 · 29/03/2023 20:42

Yes, see if you can delay the booking for later in the year and use that childcare for a hotel stay nearby instead.

Marchintospring · 29/03/2023 20:46

@nomoremerlot well yes of course he could. It was Op looking for advice so I addressed it to her. She can get him to do it. Obviously.

willstarttomorrow · 29/03/2023 20:47

I get it OP. It is the lack of thought. Just do not go- you will be throwing more money at a weekend which it sound like will not go well. Get on booking.com, find an amazing hotel somewhere nearby and spend time together. Agree that neither of you are going to bicker or nag about the weekend you have abandoned and commit to have a lovely time together. Just be honest that you need to write off the current plan but some time together could be lovely and restorative as long as you both agree to put this whole debacle behind you

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 29/03/2023 20:50

It's actually my idea of hell.

Don't go.

Book somewhere else just for you.

raffika · 29/03/2023 20:54

Oh heck, if he was going to book a last minute panic gift, what made him think “campsite” rather than “spa break”?! I wouldn’t be going, I can’t abide camping anyway.

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/03/2023 20:58

I really wouldn’t go.

I would say to DH that there are two things going on here - you are annoyed about the lack of thought that went into his present, but the reason you don’t want to go is practical - it’s simply going to be no fun, it’s uncomfortable accommodation out of high summer, it will be exhausting, you will get poor sleep and the travelling ratio is too high - so you’re calling it for everyone’s sake.

You understand he might be a bit pissed off, but it’s the best decision for everyone.

And then once the dusk has settled - clear direction on presents.

He could always go with a mate if he wants but I wouldn’t suggest that.

TwinsAndTiramisu · 29/03/2023 21:00

Sorry, I misread and thought, at least you're there for Monday, till 4pm.

4am?!?!?!?!

You arrive at about 1am Sunday morning (what the actual fuck) then have to leave Sunday night, or you get to go to bed, but get up at 3am Monday morning to leave?????

And you have ruined it?

What's left to ruin? He's an actual knob OP.

Snugglemonkey · 29/03/2023 21:02

TheScreams · 29/03/2023 20:21

The main reasons I’m so pissed off is that our money is completely shared (I’m actually the high earner) so the thought that goes into gifts really is the only part of the gift that means anything because I’m contributing to the cost just as much as he is and also because this “gift” requires so much effort on my part (for example, having to express enough milk to last DD while we’re away) so the pay off of 28 hours of childfree time (resulting in no decent sleep) just seems ridiculous.

What I would like is a weekend away that lasts a bloody weekend, with electricity and inside toilets. I don’t think that’s too much to bloody ask.

It is not too much to ask. This is not a gift. Do not try and pretend. Make it clear that this is nothing but hassle and you do not see it as anything other than face saving for him. Tell him the emperor is not wearing clothes so that he knows not to pull this shit again!

Snugglemonkey · 29/03/2023 21:04

Zanatdy · 29/03/2023 20:36

At least get him to try and get the dogs sorted with some last minute boarding etc

Chucking good money after bad!

googledidnthelp · 29/03/2023 21:04

I'd be tempted to go alone... or send him with the kids!

Couldyounot · 29/03/2023 21:11

You know, fucking something up this hard takes a bit of doing. It's almost impressive in a weird way.

TwinsAndTiramisu · 29/03/2023 21:12

@TheScreams

For balance, what did you get him?

Bubblesoffun · 29/03/2023 21:15

Honestly, if any husband had refused to go on a weekend away organised by one of you he would be called a child and the MNer told to leave him as he clearly doesn’t care about her. But all this ‘just don’t go’ responses. You sound like stroppy teens. Actually sounds like he would have a better time without you there.

whynotwhatknot · 29/03/2023 21:17

so he booked something last minute without confirming babysiyting till a few weeks ago

useless

Dinhop · 29/03/2023 21:19

I think the relatives are being selfish not being more flexible with childcare. Are you close to them?

FacebookFun · 29/03/2023 21:19

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

BarbaraofSeville · 29/03/2023 21:19

I agree @Couldyounot. It's almost like someone told him 'the worst thing you could get your DW for Christmas would be flowers from the petrol station at the bottom of the road' and he replied 'challenge accepted'.

@TwinsAndTiramisu Good question, what did she get him and what is their past history of gift exchanging for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day etc.

But I'm intrigued about this AirBnB. What is special about it? Why did he pick that one? Why is it worth travelling 4 hours to? Most AirBnBs have good reviews because people are terrified of leaving bad ones in case they get 'struck off' as guests and a lot of reviews aren't worth the (virtual) paper they're written on because a lot of the time the default is seen as 5* unless there are serious short comings.