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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is a complete waste of bloody money now?!

479 replies

TheScreams · 29/03/2023 16:09

For Christmas, DH booked us a weekend away. In reality, what that means is that at 10pm on Christmas Eve, DH realised he hadn’t bought me a bloody Christmas present and so booked an airbnb hut on a campsite for next weekend. He spoke to a relative we were staying with for Christmas and they agreed to have DS and DD for the weekend (booked from Saturday to Monday). I tried to be grateful at the time and not express that it was bloody obvious that he’d thrown it together at the last second and not given it a single second of actual thought.

He spoke to the relative a few weeks ago and they told him they can only look after DS and DD from 8pm Saturday until 8am Monday. So, we’ll get to the campsite from midnight on Saturday and will have to leave by 4am on Monday. He’s also not planned anything for the dogs so they’re coming too - so, on Sunday, our only day there, we can’t do anything that’s not dog friendly. But DH didn’t think to mention this until today.

I live in a bloody national park so I’m not sure why my Christmas present is travelling across the country, for “two nights” where I don’t get a decent night’s sleep on either and then get to have a dog walk and to sit in a pub for the day. I could bloody well do that two minutes from my house!

It’s bloody non-refundable. It feels like a complete and total waste of time and money to go on this trip. AIB a complete bitch to be completely ungrateful for this “gift” that actually just sounds like shit?

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 07:51

stayathomer · 29/03/2023 16:19

It actually sounds nice to me that he wanted time away with you!! I bet you’ll enjoy it more than you think you will

Oh, you sweet summer child . . .

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 08:00

BreadPittt · 29/03/2023 18:02

You sound bloody selfish to me.

I'd love someone to book me a mini break.

How is this a break?

Clymene · 31/03/2023 08:02

THINK OF THE ALL DEQD GRANDPARENTS

Goldbar · 31/03/2023 08:03

Clymene · 31/03/2023 08:02

THINK OF THE ALL DEQD GRANDPARENTS

Maybe you could turn the trip into a candlelit vigil to commune with the dead 😂.

lovescats3 · 31/03/2023 08:05

If you go make him do all the driving, tell him it's his present to you

lovescats3 · 31/03/2023 08:13

Sorry just re read earlier posts don't go, just tell him it's not suitable

AnImaginaryCat · 31/03/2023 08:18

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 07:49

*dogs, not thugs

FFS autocarrot - just for ONCE can you behave yourself!

Ha! It's a pain isn't it. Add it to my slightly wonky spelling and it gives me some strange things.

I've just noticed my last post has "ungraded" rather than "ungrateful".

MRex · 31/03/2023 08:18

Another vote here to send him with the kids and the dogs, while you chill at home.

Clymene · 31/03/2023 08:19

My post would have been funnier if I hadn't misspelled Dead Sad

LookItsMeAgain · 31/03/2023 08:21

TheScreams · 29/03/2023 22:12

That is eerily close to what I’ve said to him. Eerily close.

Show quote history

I'm reading this thread with my chin hitting the floor.
I'm really pleased you said something very similar to what @FusionChefGeoff posted.

You have a few options.

  1. Go and make the best of it
  2. Go and put up with it through gritted teeth
  3. Don't go.
I'm going to suggest you do option 3 there.

As for getting something to replace this with that includes electricity and a toilet, make sure that the cost of same does NOT come out of joint money. You're not supposed to subsidise your own Christmas present and that is what you would be doing if he pays for it out of joint money.

I've had my fair share of shitty Christmas presents from my other half that I have had to return and I've had nothing to replace them with. I hope this ends up getting resolved for you. I really do.

katmarie · 31/03/2023 08:22

Clymene · 31/03/2023 08:19

My post would have been funnier if I hadn't misspelled Dead Sad

No I think the misspelling adds an air of credibility to it! 😂

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 08:25

Lampshadeandchristmasbaubles · 30/03/2023 21:37

Yer you’re being really ungrateful. From some one with all dead grandparents and not one night away for the whole of adult children’s lives. You have a chance to spend a weekend with someone you love , and have someone who will give care and joy to your children….I would say make the most of your break.

The only way to "make the most" of this break would be to murder the DH in the night and surreptitiously bury his body on the cold, hard mountainside in the rain, come back on her own and have a lovely hot bath and sleep blissfully in a child, dog and DH-free environment until the police arrived.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 08:27

Ironically he could probably have just as easily booked OP a spa weekend FOR HER ALONE.

Blossomtoes · 31/03/2023 08:28

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 08:27

Ironically he could probably have just as easily booked OP a spa weekend FOR HER ALONE.

He could but for a lot of people that would be just as bad. Personally I can think of nothing worse.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 08:32

AnImaginaryCat · 31/03/2023 08:18

Ha! It's a pain isn't it. Add it to my slightly wonky spelling and it gives me some strange things.

I've just noticed my last post has "ungraded" rather than "ungrateful".

Show quote history

Doesn't help that I try to type furiously like that blonde woman with glasses in that bollox American show (Criminal Minds, possibly? She never looks once at her keyboard and just slams in series of complex codes and numbers and NEVER mistypes even a single digit.).

I lack her unerring accuracy but have all of her chirpy confidence.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 08:33

Blossomtoes · 31/03/2023 08:28

He could but for a lot of people that would be just as bad. Personally I can think of nothing worse.

Show quote history

Ah - there we differ.

I would give my eye teeth for it.

MrMucker · 31/03/2023 09:00

If one of the problems is that it's a shitty present only acquired in the last minute, why would you leave it until just before the time of travel to ask yourself whether you really want to go?!
Surely the decent thing to do was to be straight up about it and say at the time "thanks, but can we change this please?"
I mean, you criticize his lack of planning, but equally you've had three months to point out that you'd hate it.
Don't get it.

Goldbar · 31/03/2023 09:05

MrMucker · 31/03/2023 09:00

If one of the problems is that it's a shitty present only acquired in the last minute, why would you leave it until just before the time of travel to ask yourself whether you really want to go?!
Surely the decent thing to do was to be straight up about it and say at the time "thanks, but can we change this please?"
I mean, you criticize his lack of planning, but equally you've had three months to point out that you'd hate it.
Don't get it.

But originally the OP thought he'd just misjudged her tastes and got her something which wasn't really her personal preference. So she resolved to try it and make the best of it.

Now it turns out his planning and organising has been rubbish too. So the weekend has gone from being not really her thing (but she'll give it a go) to objectively shit.

Robinni · 31/03/2023 09:08

Sorry OP, I know the consensus is you’re on the money with your opinion of this gift.

But from reading your posts you sound incredibly hard work - and exhausted with the children.

Men very often leave things to the last minute and are not planners. It genuinely does sound nice (to me).

If it were me I would be asking a friend or other relative who doesn’t work on a weekend to take the children for the earlier part of Saturday, try and find a dog kennels and deal with the early start on Monday or again ask someone else to help.

You’ve had 3 months to express and freeze milk in preparation for a two day trip……. Pumping and dumping while you are away is really not a big deal. Avent do a hand pump that is really quick and you can throw it in your handbag.

Honestly, to me it does sound a nice break. If you weren’t so harassed in general you might see it for what it is.

If having things out of your control is a big thing for you then say to him that you think the idea of going away together is wonderful but in future you would like to plan it together and use your shared income for a joint Xmas present. Then no more unwanted surprises.

Try and cheer up, many are not able to afford such luxuries at the moment.

Goldbar · 31/03/2023 09:17

Men very often leave things to the last minute and are not planners

Nonsense. There are plenty of men working in important and responsible jobs where planning ahead is crucial. If they choose not to exercise these skills in their personal lives, it is a demonstration of their clear priorities and not their abilities. What they're essentially saying to the women in their lives is "you come bottom of the pile, after everything else".

MoreOfADogPerson · 31/03/2023 09:18

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/03/2023 07:49

*dogs, not thugs

FFS autocarrot - just for ONCE can you behave yourself!

She says she has two spaniels. I only have one, but I still thought it was quite an apt autocorrect 😁

h1nch · 31/03/2023 09:22

Leave him at home to look after kids and dogs - you go on your own or take a friend

Clymene · 31/03/2023 09:23

Robinni · 31/03/2023 09:08

Sorry OP, I know the consensus is you’re on the money with your opinion of this gift.

But from reading your posts you sound incredibly hard work - and exhausted with the children.

Men very often leave things to the last minute and are not planners. It genuinely does sound nice (to me).

If it were me I would be asking a friend or other relative who doesn’t work on a weekend to take the children for the earlier part of Saturday, try and find a dog kennels and deal with the early start on Monday or again ask someone else to help.

You’ve had 3 months to express and freeze milk in preparation for a two day trip……. Pumping and dumping while you are away is really not a big deal. Avent do a hand pump that is really quick and you can throw it in your handbag.

Honestly, to me it does sound a nice break. If you weren’t so harassed in general you might see it for what it is.

If having things out of your control is a big thing for you then say to him that you think the idea of going away together is wonderful but in future you would like to plan it together and use your shared income for a joint Xmas present. Then no more unwanted surprises.

Try and cheer up, many are not able to afford such luxuries at the moment.

Perhaps you can find the OP kennels and someone to look after her kids during the day on Saturday and drop them round to her relative's on Saturday evening if you're convinced it would be such a breeze?

Or are you offering?

Robinni · 31/03/2023 09:34

@Clymene not suggesting it would be a breeze, suggesting what I would try and put my energy into rather than ranting and raving about a non refundable holiday. I’d try and make the best of it, find solutions and be positive.

Antiquiteas · 31/03/2023 09:43

Robinni · 31/03/2023 09:08

Sorry OP, I know the consensus is you’re on the money with your opinion of this gift.

But from reading your posts you sound incredibly hard work - and exhausted with the children.

Men very often leave things to the last minute and are not planners. It genuinely does sound nice (to me).

If it were me I would be asking a friend or other relative who doesn’t work on a weekend to take the children for the earlier part of Saturday, try and find a dog kennels and deal with the early start on Monday or again ask someone else to help.

You’ve had 3 months to express and freeze milk in preparation for a two day trip……. Pumping and dumping while you are away is really not a big deal. Avent do a hand pump that is really quick and you can throw it in your handbag.

Honestly, to me it does sound a nice break. If you weren’t so harassed in general you might see it for what it is.

If having things out of your control is a big thing for you then say to him that you think the idea of going away together is wonderful but in future you would like to plan it together and use your shared income for a joint Xmas present. Then no more unwanted surprises.

Try and cheer up, many are not able to afford such luxuries at the moment.

Are you for real?

Men very often leave things to the last minute and are not planners.

What sort of male apologist, generalising bullshit is that?

Expressing so your tits don’t explode, in a minuscule sheep shed on wheels, inches from your husband and two spaniels, with no electricity, when you’ve arrived at midnight and have to leave at 3am the day after next, in a howling gale and rain (forecast for a good portion of the country), sounds nice to you, does it?

The main issue here is a thoughtless husband who gave no consideration to firstly, a Christmas present until 10pm on Christmas Eve, and secondly, to anything the OP might like. I don’t even think it’s about what he’d like, I think it’s just about what he stumbled across via Google on Christmas Eve night that came in roughly on budget.

It’s thoughtless, it’s shit, and he’s now playing the wounded party because the OP has voiced how she actually feels.

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