My mum wants to come on holiday with us

[Supermummy88]

Hey everyone,

I just need some advice. My husband wants to go on a beach holiday this year with me and the kids. We have one holiday every year and he hasn’t had any time off for a while. However, my mum really wants to come with us. My mum travels and goes on holidays about 4 times a year. My husband wants it to be just us, as he wants to just chill out and feels it won’t be the same if my mum comes. I don’t really know what to say to her because I feel really bad saying no and that we just want to go as a family. My husband said that considering she goes away 4 times a year and we only go once it’s not fair that we don’t get that time together as a family.

I’m thinking we will go with her this year and then next year we can go as a family just me husband and the kids. But he’s still not happy about it and has now put me in a difficult situation!

Any suggestions?

Thank you x

My mother is dead. We had a great relationship ty.

It is rude because you do not impose yourself on other people by inserting yourself into their plan. If you want to arrange a holiday together, you propose a trip. You wait to be invited on someone else's trip, or you cause people to feel awkward. Which is exactly what happened here.

Manners exist to stop situations like this.

No your husband hasn't put you in a difficult position. You just need to say no to your mum. It's not unreasonable for him to want to spend his one holiday as a family of four. Prioritise your immediate family, your mum should be able to understand.

Your DM should only ever go on a holiday with you all if you are ALL happy with it. Tell your Mum you're going on a family holiday with DH and DC. It's totally unfair to let DM come if your DH doesn't agree, it's his holiday too.

Just tell your Mother you want to spend time with your husband and children.

Surely she'll except that , and if she gets upset....tough.

Different mother daughter relationships have different dynamics. Some are more formal, and rude to one person might be standard behaviour to another.

Why are you treating your mothers wants as more important than your husbands?

You need to seriously thing about that question.

Youre being massively unfair to your husband and your children. The only person who has put you in a tough spot is yourself.

Bloody hell, OP, just say no.

Just because someone is cheeky enough to ask for something doesn't mean you have to grant it, consider or even meet them halfway.
Why are you looking for a compromise?

If you get along with her well enough that you could envisage her coming on holiday with you, surely you get on well enough to be able to say 'no' without it being some huge deal?

I can see that it puts you in a really difficult position, and I think I agree with your DH that he is right in just wanting a family holiday.

Your DM obviously wants to spend time with you all which is great, so can you reach some sort of compromise? go on a cheaper second break with her somewhere? or can she pay towards a second break?

Do not give in to your mother. You say that maybe you'll let her come this year but next year will definitely be just for you two and the children. But it won't be as you'll have set a precedent. Your mother will be all 'well, I came with you last year so what's different about this year?' cue sad face and tears.

Don't get sucked in.

Your mother does not get to decide to come with you uninvited!
Your husband is right and you would be very unreasonable to not stop her.

I fully agree with your husband.

I would suggest this one as a family holiday and your mum going away with you and the DC’s for maybe a shorter break.

Just tell your mum that you only get one opportunity a year to have a holiday just the four(?) of you. If circumstances change then you'd love to be able to do a second with her.

Your poor DH. He has no time off and gets railroaded into having a gatecrasher on holiday.

Think of all the time you can spend with her once your husband had divorced you.

Because I'd be down the solicitors as soon as you told me you'd booked for her to come and hopefully he has enough sense to do the same. If roles were reversed, it would be LTB, and it's got to be the same here.

Perfect answer.

OP. I feel there is something more going on here that you feel holden to your mum? Your DH is your close family not your mum? This question wouldn’t have even come up on my radar taking my mum on one family holiday of my DH wanted it just us. And my mum wouldn’t make me feel shit for saying no. Thats said its different if your DH will relax and leave all parenting to you.

To be honest, the only person who has put you in a difficult situation is you!

Your mum has asked, your husband said no (for valid and understandable reasons) so you say....sorry mum, this is our only holiday so we want to enjoy it just us. Its not difficult to do! We have had to do this many times when parents have asked to join for days out, holidays, Christmas etc.

She would need to be very unreasonable to be annoyed about this.

Ultimately your wish or your mums doesn't truly your husbands so unless everyone is on board, it doesn't happen

I’m thinking we will go with her this year and then next year we can go as a family just me husband and the kids

Have you gone quite mad?

Firstly, why on earth did she think she could ask to come with you? Does she normally trample all over normal boundaries? Does she normally go on holiday with you?

Secondly, just say no! Why are you rolling over?

If I was your husband I’d probably refuse to go.

what a mean lot.
The mum wants to enjoy a family holiday with her family, she is family. Husband is selfish. You dont have to be with your mum all day every day maybe she can go off and do some things, she might even help you with babysitting.

When she passes away and you said no all the time, you will wish you had given it a go. Bet it works out ok.

Yabvu . Your husband and kids are the priority, not your mother.

If the shoe was on the other foot, would you welcome your MiL?

I’d tell my DH to get to fuck if he invited his mother on our holiday!

I just ASed you. Your threads are worrying. There’s a lot of backstory that would probably change the responses you get…

Is OP coming back?

I agree with your husband. Our main holiday is just me, H and kids. We do go on a mini UK holiday with my mum most years as well but no way I would do this if it meant we didn't have a holiday with just us, it's really important to us to spend holiday time together as the dynamic changes when other people are added.

I three agree.

Well, people can only reply based on what's in the original post. Many of us don't go searching for the OP's previous posts tbh.