To stop seeing guy who lied about his age?

[JollieJullie]

Went on two lovely dates with a guy. I thought this had potential, we got on really well and there definitely was mutual interest.

However, a thorough Internet research has showed me that he is 3 years older than stated. I even asked him for confirmation about his age on the first date (casually in conversation) and he confirmed the age stated on his OLD profile.

3 years is not a big difference, but to me it makes a difference. I am 33 going on 34, so dating a 44 years old vs a 47 years old IS different. He is closer to 50 than 40 FFS!

More importantly, I am just bothered by the lie and unimpressed about the insecurity this reveals. I think I will have to call it a day.

What do you all think? Not a big deal or am I right to be so annoyed? AIBU or not?

He lied, and he doubled down on the lie. It doesn't matter if it's a "big enough" lie, it's the fact that he feels so entitled and ready to mislead you. that's more than enough to block and move on.

People don't post on here about how happy they are in their lives though and their choice of partner - and if they did they would probably be accused of being smug.

So it's not exactly a representative sample of how happy people are in relationships.

FWIW there was a thread in the relationships forum about someone who said that they didn't say on their profile that they had kids, I can't remember the exact reason why.

That's an omission, not an outright lie.

And presumably they would say if they got to know the other person.

If you'd read my post, you'd have noticed that I mentioned this forum and my experience irl.

In a nutshell.

Entitlement, deceitfulness, lack of integrity and being happy lying to someone face ... When you're supposed to be laying the foundations for a good potential relationship.

Gosh, I really should be nice to my DH. God forbid me having to start dating again. At 43, I will surely be looking at 60+ fine wine pool

Maybe consider your experience of a few people in your life isn't representative of the entire world.

What means you think I'm referring to a few people in my life?

*makes

True! Switzerland (I am in Zurich) is not the easiest dating pool in some ways but definitely plenty of international men with good jobs, so at some point I will get lucky I hope!

I am in reasonable good shape with good values and a nice job, so ideally I would like to find the same in a potential partner

You’re being disingenuous here.

Not including the information that you have kids on OLD profile is NOT lying. Writing that you are child-free is of course.

I never included that info (that I have kids) as it can attract a dodgy sort of bloke. However when I matched with someone it came up in messaging almost immediately and I’d always mention it. As I know kids can be deal breaker for some. I certainly never matched with anyone who said they didn’t want women with kids.

However, as my DP said at the time he kind of expects a divorced woman in her 40s to have kids. I’d never have hidden it. Very few women would as they are by and large the resident parent. Men who don’t see their kids on the other hand, a lot more likely (and able) to conceal it.

You don’t seem to be getting the point here - which is not that this bloke lied about his age (I don’t think that’s that bad). It’s the fact he didn’t volunteer the truth when they met which is the norm, or even confess when directly asked. That’s the issue.

I wouldn’t care about the age and I think at your age you are too old to be splitting hairs over three years. However, the lie would send me running.

I wouldn’t care about the age and I think at your age you are too old to be splitting hairs over three years

She's only 33? She's perfectly entitled not to want a bloke near 50.

"FWIW there was a thread in the relationships forum about someone who said that they didn't say on their profile that they had kids, I can't remember the exact reason why.

No one in the posters there seemed to batter an eyelid at that particular lie."

I believe this lie/omission is so as not to attract the attention of paedophiles looking for a readily available source of victims. Which happens.

So she didn’t lie then, just didn’t mention it? Totally different situation then isn’t it?

Why on earth would you think having a cut off limit of 10 years older, is setting your bar too high? How many men do you think are open to dating women 10 years older for god sake?!

I dated someone who lied about their age. Turned out they’d also lied about their name, amongst other things!

If he feels the need to lie about that, what else is he hiding? I wouldn’t trust him.

No, it’s him who is too old to be doing that.

Yep the age difference is already far too big. He goes for younger women, grim trait.

Liars be lying. Also the nature of this lie is fucking grim so he get double ditched, the cheeky sod.

Unless you’re claiming that all those happy people only accepted perfection, you’re rather proving @LooseGoose22’s point. Most people don’t have unreasonably high standards at all.

Oh perfect response.

The point is, it is a red flag. If a man starts out lying to you, he is highly unlikely to be a good egg

I suppose it's 3 including Davos.

Maybe ski group lessons for expats who are not from skiing regions (?)

Also some expats group together to get lodges with hot tubs etc at ski resorts for skiing and apres ski. They often need extra people.

They also go hiking in groups in mountains in summer.

There are some ex pat social groups in Geneva, there must be some in Zurich.

Maybe business/networking groups/events.

Consider any sport that men tend to do.

Maybe German etc lessons for expats.

Best of luck op.

This was the first lie my endlessly-deceitful ex told me. He used that exact excuse, oh I didn't know how to change it. I wish I had said no way back then.

Yeah he’s definitely too old to be doing that hence why I said it would make me run! I just think the OPs comment about 44 v 47 is also a bit odd as surely in practice there is little difference.