How to stop SIL bringing children to girls hen do abroad

[Pink39tree]

Right going to bullet point as much as possible otherwise it’s too long:
-I’m the maid of honour that organised a hen do abroad.
-19 of us going originally was 20
-small boutique adult only resort. , we have booked 10 rooms. We were under the impression that as we had booked nearly all the rooms we would pretty much have exclusive access to the whole resort. It’s okay if we we didn’t and there were other guests there but it’s just so your aware that in terms of guests there it would be just us so hard to avoid each other
-sister in law of the bride is the typical nightmare sister in law, has made the whole process difficult
-SIL then decided she wanted to pull out AFTER WE BOOKED as she couldn’t justify spending that much on a hen do.
-She wanted her money back for the room, as she’s a difficult person who can’t get her head around the fact it’s already been paid to hotel and if we cancel the room the other person sharing her room would be without a room or we all have to pay to reimburse her
-This caused a big bust up as SIL was adamant she wanted money back, so bride took the hit and paid her sum.
-This was 4 months ago, everything settled. Now SIL has disclosed that she really doesn’t want to miss out on hen and as she couldn’t justify spending this much on a hen do so she’s combining this with her family holiday so she’s rebooked to our holiday with the brides 4 nieces and nephews that are all young and the brides future brother in law (brother of the groom)
-How can I help fix this, brides distraught she doesn’t want to let her hair loose and getting drunk while her nieces and nephews are sat in the pool watching her and her brother in law who is very conservative to see everything that’s going on.
-Additionally the brides nieces and nephews are very attached to her and so she knows they will keep coming up to her.
-Have already emailed the hotel to ask why for an adult only hotel 4 children are being allowed to stay, so far it appears that they were under the impression they were joining our big booking and as we would of then booked all available rooms for that time then it would be okay.
-Have been in contact with hotel also to ask to cancel booking because surely allowing children there is a breach of their contract of being “adult only” so far they are not budging
-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.
help….

In some parts of the world the dialect would have it spelled "youse".

If you are not from that part of the world you would expect it to be yous, but it would be youse. I also suspect I have an idea where the SiL is from.

Like others, I have winced at the repeated ‘use’ in the texts and general atrocious grammar on both sides. 😂

Only before a vowel.

Bloody hell, the grammar police are out in force this morning. Not everyone has perfect grammar or spelling, not everyone can express themselves articulately. It doesn't make them lesser people. Stop being so classist and snobby.

The point is - it exists.

Having read all of this I am absolutely convinced that SIL’s “conservative” husband is very controlling and insisting on coming to the hen to supervise her

Likely made her cancel in the first place, then when she’s feeling left out said ok you can go but only if I can come and keep tabs 😔

My goodness. What a total lunatic

What a bizarre scenario. And even now she is moaning about the dc being upset, but shes still planning on leaving them behind anyway so her and her dh can still go? why not sack the whole thing off and book a family holiday instead if money is the issue? I find it really odd someone can even contemplate taking their little kids (or their dh!) on a hen do weekend!

Although that aside, from the hotels email it sounds like it is a fairly small, tranquil hotel with a spa? And your group haven't booked out all the rooms as SIL was still able to book at least one. So there will be other people holidaying there. As you said you'd booked out only 'most' of the rooms, I think if I'd booked a room there for a peaceful adults only break with my dh in what I thought was a small relaxing intimate sort of adult only hotel/spa setting, i'd be a bit miffed to have the tranquility ruined by 19 drunken hens sporting inflatable cocks throughout. Wouldn't a villa have been a better idea if it is that sort of hen do? Though hopefully you've just exaggerated the frivolities for SILs sake.

if she turns up, just crack on as your are and act like nothing has happened in between. if she brings it up about the kids just laugh and say 'good one! yeah had me going for a second that you were actually bringing the kids!'.

Wow Op how nice your sister was to her SIL , how Entitled is the SIL. I would have lost my shit with her by now . I’m glad it was all sorted out x

Wow! SIL sounds like a selfish cow, making the bride's hen do all about her family holiday ... and this after making the bride stump up to cancel her original reservation!

I'd be giving her short shrift if I was the bride. They won't be missed.

But SIL doesn't have to go at all, does she? The groom needs to get involved and tell them in no uncertain terms to f* right off.

Very true she doesn’t have to go but I just wonder if privately he doesn’t want her to go, she’s feeling left out and got the hump about not going and he’s now calling his weird scenario a “compromise”.

Speculating here but he doesn’t want to go on the seedy stag as he is “conservative” so doesn’t want her to go on the hen either. So he’s muscling in on it and either trying to spoil it for her or keep an eye on her. He is either oblivious or doesn’t care how much this would annoy the bride and other hens.

100% the groom needs to step up and say it’s not ok for his bro to go on the hen (and that this should be obvious to him!). I’m just suspicious of his motives, since it’s a hen and not a group holiday, he obv isn’t invited, and I expect she’s using the money/holiday excuse as a cover for his controlling behaviour.

You need to msg saying that the hen do is an - adult only - event. Which is why an adult only hotel was chosen. The bride and rest of the party are upset that plans are being disrupted. And the issue has been raised with the hotel.

There are two options 1) go on your own as originally planned and room share. 2) Stay nearby with kids and DH, and opt in/out for hen activities.

A hen do is not a family event. And the bride should be able to let her hair down in peace!

Yep

Wow, just wow about everything! I’ve read about some entitled people on here but the SIL takes the prize. Either that or she is so incredibly thick and she’s just not getting it! I have the rage for you @Pink39tree . God help you all at the wedding!

Holy cow, that is some top level batshittery! SIL is a total nutter. It's NEVER a 'nice treat' for the bride to get landed with a couple of kids on her weekend hen do.

Presumably SIL has booked flights for the family. Why can't she simply book a family friendly hotel elsewhere in the region. Seems like she wants to blame the bride (and you) and act the martyr rather than act like a responsible parent.

Not RTFT but can’t get past the inappropriate straws.

Sorry but I couldn’t help but reply to that last message from SIL.

Something like “The point being it never was a holiday for my nieces and nephews. It’s a hen party. For the bride. You explain to them how mummy wanted them to gate crash an adult only event. You are making this difficult not us. If you find a way to come over and be with the bride that would be wonderful. If not I’m sorry and enjoy your family holiday which I’m sure you can organise”.

But I am honest in real life too.

The woman is absolutely insane. How can she not see what a dick she has been! "Something nice for us" is laughable. If she wanted to take her kids away and have her SIL there then she could have booked that seperately not tried to hijack a hen do! It's tough shit if she cant go but thats life when you have kids love.

What a nasty selfish stupid piece of work, im glad shes been thwarted. I can understand why the bride is trying to placate her because this silly cow seems so unreasonable that she could turn anything nasty i reckon, but honestly, she needs help.

Yes this. I think she's actually convinced herself that this is a generous solution. Rather than the truth which is she cant afford a hen do AND a family holiday and is determined not to miss out on the hen do

SIL from hell. I would have asked her why her husband can't look after the kids.
I bet she's the type of person who would actually say to her kids that they are not going on holiday as their aunt doesn't want them to. Theres nothing stopping SIL cancelling and booking a family resort if she wants her kids to have a holiday.
I still think it's weird that the BIL wants to go.

But doesn't always sound similar to "youse".

(Plus, many people, particularly in the US, use "youse" as a singular pronoun, too)

Plus, "you" is actually already plural - the singular used to be thou/thee but these are now archaic terms.

You're welcome.

What are you going on about?!? 😂

We know ‘you’ can be plural, that’s what we were discussing!

That there should be a different word, as there are in other languages.

And that if there were, it would make sense for it to be something like ‘yous’, pointing out it’s similar to the french vous.

Keep up!