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Original poster

How to stop SIL bringing children to girls hen do abroad

512 replies

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 17:23

Right going to bullet point as much as possible otherwise it’s too long:
-I’m the maid of honour that organised a hen do abroad.
-19 of us going originally was 20
-small boutique adult only resort. , we have booked 10 rooms. We were under the impression that as we had booked nearly all the rooms we would pretty much have exclusive access to the whole resort. It’s okay if we we didn’t and there were other guests there but it’s just so your aware that in terms of guests there it would be just us so hard to avoid each other
-sister in law of the bride is the typical nightmare sister in law, has made the whole process difficult
-SIL then decided she wanted to pull out AFTER WE BOOKED as she couldn’t justify spending that much on a hen do.
-She wanted her money back for the room, as she’s a difficult person who can’t get her head around the fact it’s already been paid to hotel and if we cancel the room the other person sharing her room would be without a room or we all have to pay to reimburse her
-This caused a big bust up as SIL was adamant she wanted money back, so bride took the hit and paid her sum.
-This was 4 months ago, everything settled. Now SIL has disclosed that she really doesn’t want to miss out on hen and as she couldn’t justify spending this much on a hen do so she’s combining this with her family holiday so she’s rebooked to our holiday with the brides 4 nieces and nephews that are all young and the brides future brother in law (brother of the groom)
-How can I help fix this, brides distraught she doesn’t want to let her hair loose and getting drunk while her nieces and nephews are sat in the pool watching her and her brother in law who is very conservative to see everything that’s going on.
-Additionally the brides nieces and nephews are very attached to her and so she knows they will keep coming up to her.
-Have already emailed the hotel to ask why for an adult only hotel 4 children are being allowed to stay, so far it appears that they were under the impression they were joining our big booking and as we would of then booked all available rooms for that time then it would be okay.
-Have been in contact with hotel also to ask to cancel booking because surely allowing children there is a breach of their contract of being “adult only” so far they are not budging
-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.
help….

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Codlingmoths · 05/04/2023 01:20

This is the grooms brothers wife? WHERE IS THE GROOM? He needs to call his brother and say fuck off out of my wife’s hens do. I didn’t crash your wife’s hens do, or bring a few babies along to your stag for shits and giggles and told you you had to keep it decent and no swearing. Just stay home and look after your own children, yes that doesn’t seem as fun as a holiday but1. It’s my wife’s hens do not a free for all holiday and you weren’t invited 2. They are your children and that’s what parents do - reading xs messages she thinks its my wife’s fault you don’t have childcare! And 3. You’re not welcome there.

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 05/04/2023 01:56

Someone should make it clear BIL is NOT allowed to attend the hen party. If he disapproves of this sort of stuff to the point he won't go on the bucks party why is he planning on crashing the hen party. The vast majority of people unlike SIL and BIL would know this was inappropriate.

Her solution is fairly simple anyway as she already has flights for everyone, book a different hotel and join the hen party for some of the time.

inloveandmarried · 05/04/2023 02:03

Merlo · 05/04/2023 00:07

One word….USE!!!

Seriously though, how do you even reason with someone like that?

That's a local dialect. I know where they are from.

GarlicGrace · 05/04/2023 02:50

You are a FANTASTIC Maid of Honour, @Pink39tree. I wish mine had been half as efficient and reasonable! Your friend sounds lovely, too - I bloody hope her husband-to-be is worth putting up with weirdo SIL Grin

Still got no idea why, in the name of any deity, anyone would mistake an all-women, adults-only, hen party for a family holiday. Or why a strait-laced man would want to join that party. Was it a clumsy attempt to make sure your friend doesn't "misbehave" on her hen?

Anyway, well done. Enjoy your holiday and the free spa day Flowers

cartagenagina · 05/04/2023 04:59

Agree, the groom needs to step in now.

palelavender · 05/04/2023 05:21

Somebody has simply got to tell her that she is a raving lunatic to do this. The whole hen party will cut her dead and her wedding invitation is rescinded. The bride can say she never wants to see her again, let alone having her with her children at her hen do. Trying to reason with somebody like this - you know somebody who made the bride pay for her room when she changed her mind - is pointless. Yes, somebody will bleat about family unity, but does the bride really want to face married life with the SIL from hell. I would be tempted to tell the groom that unless he sorts out his family members I wouldn't be marrying him and I'd mean it.

palelavender · 05/04/2023 05:24

The hotel is totally unreasonable too. You don't want a discount. You want what was promised - a childfree environment - which they are not providing. They are not honouring the contract. I would be inclined to post some feedback on line about how disappointed you all are - just calmly stating the facts. Can you try to do a chargeback if you paid by credit card?

CalmConfident · 05/04/2023 05:31

I bet it’s controlling BIL insisting he comes to supervise his wife as a condition of her attending. This type of man also generally incapable / unwilling to look after their own children too .

KTSl1964 · 05/04/2023 06:08

entitled twunt. 😁how these types function in life and have any relationships is beyond me. Who who cause this much aggro and stress at a hen do.
She needs to Shut the f… uk.
🌺

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/04/2023 06:08

@palelavender
The hotel is now providing a child free environment, which is why the sil is up in arms. She wants to go with her dh and doesn’t have anyone to look after the children so is doubly mad.

What I don’t understand is her justification for rebooking as she would have lost the money. Is that the money for the flights? Because the hotel costs were reimbursed.

The brother and sil don’t sound dim, they sound horrible. I hope your friend gets to have a good party. She should rescind the entire invite for her sil.

Snugglemonkey · 05/04/2023 06:11

It is great that the kids are not coming but the bride needs to ban bil too. The sil is unreal.

HaveSomeIntrospect · 05/04/2023 06:34

She needs to be told that it isn’t appropriate for her husband to be there either

Wrongsideofpennines · 05/04/2023 07:02

The bride is being way too nice. She should just say 'Why isn't your husband looking after the children? And when will I have the money back for the refund I gave you on the room as clearly you could afford it if you were going to pay for 4 of 'use' instead of 1."

Absolutely be telling the groom or his parents to step in on this one if she expects BIL is still coming.

Inkpotlover · 05/04/2023 07:10

OP, why the hell isn't the groom having a word with his brother about his bat-shit wife? Why is it down to the bride and you to sort this mess out? Groom needs to tell his brother to cancel completely, because the bride surely doesn't want her BIL on her hen night any more than she wants children!

Hawkins003 · 05/04/2023 07:28

All the best op,

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/04/2023 07:36

I'm sure her husband would love it if she and the children accompanied him on a stag do. What the hell are they thinking?

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 05/04/2023 07:38

Let it be known now that it's all day drinking, inflatable dicks, male strippers, pole dancing and any other childish behaviour you can think off. do people really behave like this this in hotels? Save it for the private villa or nightclub, but I don't want sunbathing next to this circle of hell. No wonder Brits abroad have a horrible reputation.

DiddlySquat52 · 05/04/2023 08:00

I would do the group chat thing and say something like "Oooh! Great that the husband is going to be there. Tell him to bring some sexy underwear. He can be the stripper. If anyone had got and handcuffs and/or whips, cock ring, ball gags bring them with you so we can use them on him. How great that he's up for being our slave for the week. Also say to the SIL or in front of her on the group chat: those kids are going to learn some really colourful language next week when they witness a proper, full on drunken, debauched hen do. Right, who is buying the blow up cock and the cock straws? Who's in charge of buying the dildos?". I would go over the top to put her off.

LookItsMeAgain · 05/04/2023 08:01

Pink39tree · 04/04/2023 21:35

So from what we understand, it seems like she’s still planning on coming with her husband so it will be a couples holiday. That’s why she’s saying there’s nobody to look after the kids/ and it’s only the kids that are upset they can’t come.

Show quote history

Based on this information, as you're the MoH, I would give consideration to sending her a text message saying that you're sorry to hear the latest update via the bride but you want to reiterate that this is a HEN and not Sten or Hags weekend away (where a Hen and Stag mix so couples wouldn't be out of the unusual). You completely understand if she now feels that she can't stay in the HEN hotel with her husband and kids but that you've found an alternative location for families (if you can find an alternative hotel nearby that isn't adults only perhaps suggest it in the message) if she wanted to try to change her accommodation and she would still be most welcome to take part in the activities planned while you're there. Just that the husband and kids cannot come and sit by the pool (they would stay in the other accommodation). Wish her all the best and sign off.

DiddlySquat52 · 05/04/2023 08:03

And yes, it's not appropriate for those kids to be witnessing a hen do. Absolutely unacceptable for her to bring them along.

DiddlySquat52 · 05/04/2023 08:04

I would just be over the top crude to really put her off.

CornishTiger · 05/04/2023 08:07

Total insanity

Tinkerbyebye · 05/04/2023 08:07

Groom needs to get involved and make sure brother doesn’t attend

if he does then you need to carry on as you want around him and ignore him

Backstreets · 05/04/2023 08:08

She’s a weirdo. They’d only be in the pool! Either with only drunk and rowdy women about, or women simmeringly resentful they’re having to keep it child friendly. How much fun would that be for them?

actually struggling to see what she’d even get out of trying to turn a hen into a family holiday. I can agree that an abroad party is a significant financial commitment, but it’s not like it’s mandatory.

Notquitethere60 · 05/04/2023 08:16

Is this in the Daily Fail yet?