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Original poster

How to stop SIL bringing children to girls hen do abroad

512 replies

Pink39tree · 28/03/2023 17:23

Right going to bullet point as much as possible otherwise it’s too long:
-I’m the maid of honour that organised a hen do abroad.
-19 of us going originally was 20
-small boutique adult only resort. , we have booked 10 rooms. We were under the impression that as we had booked nearly all the rooms we would pretty much have exclusive access to the whole resort. It’s okay if we we didn’t and there were other guests there but it’s just so your aware that in terms of guests there it would be just us so hard to avoid each other
-sister in law of the bride is the typical nightmare sister in law, has made the whole process difficult
-SIL then decided she wanted to pull out AFTER WE BOOKED as she couldn’t justify spending that much on a hen do.
-She wanted her money back for the room, as she’s a difficult person who can’t get her head around the fact it’s already been paid to hotel and if we cancel the room the other person sharing her room would be without a room or we all have to pay to reimburse her
-This caused a big bust up as SIL was adamant she wanted money back, so bride took the hit and paid her sum.
-This was 4 months ago, everything settled. Now SIL has disclosed that she really doesn’t want to miss out on hen and as she couldn’t justify spending this much on a hen do so she’s combining this with her family holiday so she’s rebooked to our holiday with the brides 4 nieces and nephews that are all young and the brides future brother in law (brother of the groom)
-How can I help fix this, brides distraught she doesn’t want to let her hair loose and getting drunk while her nieces and nephews are sat in the pool watching her and her brother in law who is very conservative to see everything that’s going on.
-Additionally the brides nieces and nephews are very attached to her and so she knows they will keep coming up to her.
-Have already emailed the hotel to ask why for an adult only hotel 4 children are being allowed to stay, so far it appears that they were under the impression they were joining our big booking and as we would of then booked all available rooms for that time then it would be okay.
-Have been in contact with hotel also to ask to cancel booking because surely allowing children there is a breach of their contract of being “adult only” so far they are not budging
-If we push to have the hotel cancel their booking due to the no children rule then SIL will know it’s come from us.
help….

OP posts:

Thread gallery

BattleofBeamfleot · 05/04/2023 08:21

I think bride needs to be even more firm "Just so we're clear, BIL isn't invited to join the hen do either so I'm sure he can look after the children."

Lovelyring · 05/04/2023 08:22

Is it actually possible that she couldn't afford it but as the SIL felt pressure to go? Then thought it was a good solution to combine with the family holiday? I can actually see why someone might not think this is inappropriate. You haven't booked the whole villa so other men might be around anyway. Anyone's free to book. Presumably the kids and husband would be doing their own thing, not joining in the pole dancing.

I've never been on a hen where the giant cocks have been paraded around the hotel swimming pool, thankfully.

Tbh it's all very over-dramatic. I'd feel rather sorry for her if it weren't for the fact she let bride pay for her cancelled accommodation. I'd have expected that back if she decided to go anyway.

853ax · 05/04/2023 08:23

Is there a neighbouring hotel she can stay in with family then join the hen on occasion?

WonderingWanda · 05/04/2023 08:32

I think the sil actually believes her own lies that she was trying to do something nice for the bride. It's totally deranged. Something that might be a nice surprise for the bride on this trip might be booking a spa day or arranging some champagne for her room not bringing her neices and bil to be on the trip. If he does turn up I hope that you all totally blank both of them.

MollyRover · 05/04/2023 08:34

She's insane! It sounds from her messages that she didn't actually inform the hotel that she was bringing the children with them (she says that the OP must have told the hotel because she didn't). They would have been most likely turned away when they got there anyway.

I have 2 children. If I had booked a holiday at a child free resort with either my DH (would be very likely if we had childcare for a few days) or friends I would be FUMING if there was a family with children there. You pay extra at adults only resorts for that very reason.

HermioneKipper · 05/04/2023 08:36

k1233 · 04/04/2023 23:21

For reference, apart from the fact it is extremely poor English, the word is youse not use in the context in which it was written. I usually don't care but a combination of hating the word in the first place AND it being incorrectly spelled oh my, the grating!

As for the SIL, I agree the groom needs to say something to his brother. She sounds like a sandwich short of a picnic to be honest.

Yes! The fact that she used this word at all (AND spelling it wrong!) tells you all you need to know about her!

Well done OP and your friend the bride sounds lovely! How has she stayed so calm?!

Another one agreeing that the groom needs to sort his brother out. What on Earth are they thinking?!

Supergirl1958 · 05/04/2023 08:38

Madamecastafiore · 04/04/2023 18:57

Use!!

This…in general the text exchange had my OCD and teacher brain flapping!!!

Plus, how does anyone think taking children on a hen do would be a ‘nice’ thing 🤦‍♀️

Emotionalsupportviper · 05/04/2023 08:40

SheSaidHummingbird · 29/03/2023 18:24

Emotionalsupportviper I was fine to play along but can't help but feel insulted that we're supposed to believee that a hotel would use promotional material written by a toddler.

May I please borrow your paper bag?

I have some sal volatile, too, if you need it.

Also gin.

Lordofmyflies · 05/04/2023 08:43

My goodness OP, what a handful. SIL sounds bonkers! There comes a point where you can't reason with some people - sadly she sounds like she's one of them.
Its a HEN do - Hens only...no men invited.
It's at an adult only hotel...no kids invited.

It really isn't hard to understand! I would ask the groom to reiterate to his brother that these points are the structure of the hen do. They were made perfectly clear at the time of invite, yet his wife continues to cost time and money changing the organised holiday. SIL either need to join in with the other 19 women or bow out. She is being totally unreasonable expecting 19 others to accommodate her wishes.

BruceAndNosh · 05/04/2023 08:45

I'm familiar with YOU being pluralised, but it's not USE or YOUSE.
It's YOUS.
<gavel >
(totally missing the point of the thread)

ImAvingOops · 05/04/2023 08:45

Agree that the groom needs to have a word now with his brother. I'm very surprised the brother wants to go tbh. And very weird that they would consider leaving their kids and not just rebook a family holiday elsewhere if money is such an issue that they can't afford for sil to go and a family holiday

cupofteaandnetflix · 05/04/2023 08:45

@Pink39tree

glad you’ve managed to sort this but think you should take the emails/texts off of here. The SIL might be myopic and self-centered but no one wants private messages online for all to see…

Plus the Daily Fail are probably circling as I write this. They don’t know how to find stories without using mumsnet!

PicturesOfDogs · 05/04/2023 08:46

HermioneKipper · 05/04/2023 08:36

Yes! The fact that she used this word at all (AND spelling it wrong!) tells you all you need to know about her!

Well done OP and your friend the bride sounds lovely! How has she stayed so calm?!

Another one agreeing that the groom needs to sort his brother out. What on Earth are they thinking?!

Show quote history

Meh, I like the word ‘yous’. English is missing a trick by not having a separate word for a singular and multiple ‘you’.

I mean, sure, you could say ‘you all’ or ‘both of you’ or ‘the four of you’ but ‘yous’ is so much more succinct.

Great result all round! Discount, extra treatment and no kids.

Some people are so deluded, ‘I tried to do a nice thing for you’. How?
The entitlement of some people!

user1492757084 · 05/04/2023 08:47

How atrocious is the response!
You can only state your case and move on. You have done nothing wrong. Send a straight forward reply ...

"We booked a child free venue for a reason. The Hotel was always child free. We booked it because we do not want children at the hens do.
You were invited, just like every other guest - without children or partners.
No one else is bringing children or partners.
The invitation was simple enough for every one else to understand.
I hope you can get your money back and book somewhere close enough to join in the hens do fun.
Sorry the Hotel did not stick to it's word. It should never have taken your money. You need to bring that up with them."

Then forget it.

Emotionalsupportviper · 05/04/2023 08:48

Pink39tree · 04/04/2023 18:38

I was only apple to add a set amount of pictures so here are the messages.

Do something nice for "use"?

Good grief.

Have you considered murder, OP?

It would be Justifiable Homicide. No jury in the land would convict.

I don't know why she's whining - the hotel have cancelled her booking, they are legally obliged to return her money. She and her disappointed child can re-book somewhere else.

CurzonDax · 05/04/2023 08:51

I agree with PPs the groom needs to get involved.
But - is the future MIL going? My MIL came to my hen (it was one night in a local town though). If any of her other sons (my DH's brothers) had 'wanted to come', she would have given them a clip round the ear and told them to bugger off (she probably would have threatened to completely embarrass them with naked baby photos if they showed, or something. I can just imagine her chuckling away now, "Don't worry girls, I'll bring the penis crap, as my son is a dick afterall ..."). If MIL is coming, can she not call out her adult son (as well as groom)?

Also - if BIL does show, I hope you all completely take over - inflatable dicks and loud and rowdy everywhere please. Make their 'couple's weekend' as awkward as possible (no filter now, especially as the children aren't there), laugh at his disdainful looks, and drink away.

Dibbydoos · 05/04/2023 08:51

Not sure where in relation to other things the hotel is, so will your almost BIL take the kids out?
Does your SIL expect the kids to be around whilst you get up to normal Hen stuff?
Could you all go off site at least during the day?
Tell your niece/nephew you are on a hen do and will get up to adult stuff so could they aim to be back in their room watching TV by around 7pm?

Awful situ what a batch and if you can move, I would! Can't believe the hotel won't cancel them or help move them...

Girlking · 05/04/2023 09:02

Se also loose for lose 😬

Limetart · 05/04/2023 09:04

Can’t understand why sil doesn’t rebook at another hotel 10 minutes away and pop over for the hen do without her dh and kids in tow.

Howsimplywonderful · 05/04/2023 09:06

Mam

Emotionalsupportviper · 05/04/2023 09:08

Girlking · 05/04/2023 09:02

Se also loose for lose 😬

Please . . . I can't take much more . . .

😳

pontipinemum · 05/04/2023 09:08

She is a crack pot!!

I think the use thing is regional. Dubliners say yous a lot, pronounced the same. Other places probably do as well

pontipinemum · 05/04/2023 09:10

Limetart · 05/04/2023 09:04

Can’t understand why sil doesn’t rebook at another hotel 10 minutes away and pop over for the hen do without her dh and kids in tow.

Because the whole thing is about me, my kids, husband and what I want. It is really nice of me to do this, offering my family to be included in the hen. It will make it so much better for everyone (but especially me which is the most important thing right). Why do none of use see that?!! - SIL

RichardHeed · 05/04/2023 09:12

As insane as this is, the bride (and groom) really need to grow a backbone here. All the love hearts and fawning over her, it’s fucking ridiculous. She needs to say “You’re not invited to the hen, your husband is not invited to the hen. If you’re choosing to have a couples holiday so be it, but the party will not be engaging with you at any point. End of discussion”

Ktime · 05/04/2023 09:13