To write a 'Mumsnet Ballad?'

[Creditonian]

Threads of late have made me want to write a Mumsnet ballad:

I'm going to write a Mumsnet ballad
Of Chicken, Rice Crispies and a Massive Salad
God forbid we ever exceed a BMI of twenty
It's competitive undereating in a land of plenty

Feel free to add your own verses as you wish ..

For God’s sake please just LTB
He’s vile, rude and fucking lazy
if you continue to carry the mental load
someday soon your head will implode!

No! I haven’t read the full thread,
I’ll just comment “this” under what she said,
Look out for the dripfeed or hunting for trolls,
Or deletion for “privacy” causing eye rolls.

It’s very important we all go non-contact,
But hide the juice in the drip feed for maximum impact,
MILs are the devil and DH not so dear,
But call 111 for the police and you’ll have nothing to fear.

The medical input is sketchy at best,
I wish we’d put the legal advice to rest,
Our psychology theories are lacking in basis,
The receiver of YABU is always ungracious

These all literally have me lolling I love them

We fail to make light of threads labelled “lighthearted”,
And hark back to a time when we all snapped and farted,
With wine on the wall all thanks to Sharon,
And an aggressive hatred of the term “Karen”.

How do I get rid of this mould?
Why hasn't my property sold?
Is it me who should be hosting?
Should it be them I'm ghosting?

You must not use a loo brush ,it's simply the devil .
If you must each chocolate make sure it's just 1 revel .
Your washing must absolutely not get dark on .
And the front of my house must not be parked on .

A load of vipers in their nest
I only asked about my kid's vest
And how often washing needs to go on
(Daily). That's it... I'm flouncing... I'm done

when I read the first line I knew exactly what the ending of the second line would be !

Why did you have more children with him?
You fed them cereal, that's vile and grim
I have a nanny and DH earns 500k
I still look like I've been skip diving on outfit of the day

Whatever you do, never answer your door
It might be your neighbour, a terrible bore
Or perhaps a rogue salesman, peddling a con
Or worse, someone wanting to keep their shoes on

Featuring the CF choir

👏👏👏👏

Reading mumsnet instead of eye contact dread,
What do I spy? A parking thread!
For details we are all salivating
For a diagram we are impatiently waiting.

And men can't be women
And men can't be women
And men can't be women
And men can't be women

In 'Womens' Rights' with all their hatin'
They encourage folks to vote for Satan,
And all say that they're his biggest fans
So long as he says he hates the trans!

Am I being unreasonable, in writing this verse?
Maybe you have got it bad but I have got it worse
Why did you dial 111, why clog up A&E?
Just because your leg fell off! the NHS ain't free.

I need a handhold, my puppy is sick
DH has farted, now I've got the ick
I've fallen out with my employer
Is anyone here a shit hot lawyer?

Yep !

Parking? No diagram? You know the rules!
While that blatant reverse takes us for fools,
The namechanging antics that never get old,
And getting into classics to know you’ve struck gold.

For a girl it's "Malm" or maybe "Chidge"
Or possibly "Bretty-Mabel-Fridge.
For a boy it's definitely "Smuuuude".
Tell me what you think, but don't be rude!