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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend’s DS only wants a catered uni!

244 replies

Breakfastbars · 28/03/2023 12:31

Rather than filter unis by campus vs city, distance etc, my friend said her Y12 son is only picking ones that offer catered accommodation. This is ridiculous in my view and, even when I pointed out that he will only live in halls for the first year, she got cross and said she thought it was a perfectly valid filter. AIBU?

OP posts:
ReneBumsWombats · 28/03/2023 12:32

You're being unreasonable to give it this much thought.

Bunnyannesummers · 28/03/2023 12:32

It’s his decision so he can use any criteria he likes. Is it any more ridiculous than picking unis based on easy journeys home or nightlife?

Strugglingtodomybest · 28/03/2023 12:32

If he feels it's important who are you to say it's not?

Fudgewomble · 28/03/2023 12:33

Absolutely a valid filter. YABU

Itsbytheby · 28/03/2023 12:33

Well, it's none of your business so...

GoodChat · 28/03/2023 12:33

He can do what he wants and she's supportive. YABU to think it's any of your business.

Ducksinthebath · 28/03/2023 12:33

Sorry, but how exactly does this affect you in any way?

twelly · 28/03/2023 12:33

student choose universities for the reason that is most important to them and if he needs that then fair enough

Conkersinautumn · 28/03/2023 12:34

It's not really your concern. But they've obviously left it late to teach the child lifeskills. How very limiting for his future

Imthegingerbreadwoman · 28/03/2023 12:35

Some people pick unis based on night life and no one bats an eyelid. Maybe he is being sensible and has a valid reason.

RampantIvy · 28/03/2023 12:35

Is he Oxbridge material?
Nottingham has mostly catering in the first year.
One of the halls at Newcastle is catered, although the halls have seen better days and the food is rank by all accounts.

If he isn't a fussy eater and hates cooking he will be fine in his first year, but unless he can stay in halls he will have to fend for himself in subsequent years.

Original poster
Breakfastbars · 28/03/2023 12:36

ReneBumsWombats · 28/03/2023 12:32

You're being unreasonable to give it this much thought.

Lol! This is true. I have a son in Y12 too though so am interested in what MN think as he will have to pick unis too

OP posts:
Mixkle · 28/03/2023 12:36

Well he needs to study hard and get into Oxbridge then, that’s catered for all years…

Up to him I guess but agree it’s a dumb criteria.

Original poster
Breakfastbars · 28/03/2023 12:37

No he is not Oxbridge material (and nor is my DS)

OP posts:
DashboardConfessional · 28/03/2023 12:37

Eurgh. I was catered at Durham and it put me off moving back into college for my final year.

pinkyredrose · 28/03/2023 12:39

Why do you care?

Seeline · 28/03/2023 12:40

It's none of your business.

It is a valid filter and may be connected to something that you know nothing about.
Starting uni can be very stressful - not many 18yo have had the experience of looking after themselves entirely. Whilst many can cook, they probably haven't had to plan a week's meals, make time to do the shopping, and then manage to fit it all in the one fridge shelf and one freezer draw that they get (if they are lucky). They will probably have done laundry, but in the machine that is available to them downstairs, rather than having to drag their washing across campus to wait for one of the few machines that is working to become available.
All whilst learning their way around a strange place, trying to fit in with complete strangers and study.
For many this is a real step up, especially if special needs are involved in someway.
Being in catered accommodation will help reduce the pressure in the first year.

skippy67 · 28/03/2023 12:41

GoodChat · 28/03/2023 12:33

He can do what he wants and she's supportive. YABU to think it's any of your business.

Exactly this.

DoesItHaveKosovo · 28/03/2023 12:42

It wouldn’t suit many but if it suits him then leave him to it. Are you worried your DS will be influenced by that?

Aftjbtibg · 28/03/2023 12:43

It seems odd to decide uni by that as I chose mine based on which had the best reputation for my course and how it was rated by students (also secretly where was close to a big town as I really craved that)
Catered halls are sensible though once you find the right uni.

CupidStuntt · 28/03/2023 12:43

YABU it's none of your business

fUNNYfACE36 · 28/03/2023 12:46

I think k it's quite a social thing and seems a perfectly valid requirement

MelsMoneyTree · 28/03/2023 12:48

I'd assume either they are going to try for Oxford but are underselling their ambition by dismissing it as 'catered'. Grin
Or they have another reason for their choices but don't want to share it eg he is madly in love with someone else who is going there; it has a brilliant union. But as PPs have pointed out, lots of students do choose unis based on nightlife so catering is no more or less valid.
I chose based on reputation (RG) and what I could afford (I had to work my way through and couldn't afford to live away from home).

GCAcademic · 28/03/2023 12:49

You’re not guaranteed to get the halls you apply for, anyway.

Paella2022 · 28/03/2023 12:51

This is a great filter to use. I specifically chose a catered hall to meet everyone twice a day for meals and to not be confined to a flat, which is pot luck socially.
Cooking is one of my passions- nothing to do with life skills.
I was a medical student and glad to be able to concentrate on an intensive course without cooking for the first year.
No need for a car for shopping, no food waste, the opportunity to meet the whole hall and find my tribe.
What’s not to love?
Your judgement is misplaced.