Friend’s DS only wants a catered uni!

[Breakfastbars]

Rather than filter unis by campus vs city, distance etc, my friend said her Y12 son is only picking ones that offer catered accommodation. This is ridiculous in my view and, even when I pointed out that he will only live in halls for the first year, she got cross and said she thought it was a perfectly valid filter. AIBU?

And this is your buissness how?

People have different needs and so select on different criteria. My DD chose her university based on the fact they guaranteed accommodation in student halls for the entire degree. Might not be important to some, but was extremely important to her/us. She has autism so it meant she only had one residential transition and I knew when she blew all her money on fizzy pop in the first week, she'd still have food and a roof over her head for the rest of the term.

I chose the university furthest away from my toxic childhood home. 'We won't be able to visit if you go there' said my mother. Exactly!

Agreed: it’s fine for an adult to book a holiday on the basis of not cooking meals, but not for a young teen to make a decision on where they’ll spend the majority of the year on the same basis. I’m a totally lone parent to two children with significant disabilities and if I could live in a commune and opt to clean the toilets every day while someone else cooked, then I would. I’m an eat to live person and I find thinking about food and cooking a boring waste of time but obviously I have to do it because children.

Also, thanks @Breakfastbars for giving me the heads up that you can filter for universities on the basis of catered as my DD1(15) is blind so this will probably be a much less stressful - and safer - option for her and one that will allow her to use her energies on finding her way about and studying.

I know most students don't have catered accommodation. Doesn't mean that for some, it is the right thing to do though?
FWIW when I went in the 80's there weren't many halls and I had to spend my first year in lodgings with a landlady cooking for me. It wasn't ideal, but that was what was available. Both my DCs have self catered. Worked fine for one, for the other catered accommodation would have been one less thing for her to deal with (particularly the shopping as there were no supermarkets near the campus) and probably helped with socialising. They are all different.

It’s weird that you’re involved

I didn't choose it because it was catered but my uni halls were catered and I have very happy memories of my first year. Even in subsequent years we often used to buy lunch from the cafeteria and it was a nice social time. I would definitely recommend it for my daughter in years to come if she wants to go to university.

No it isn't

I wish dd had picked catered.it would have been good value now the food prices are so insane.

Not sure why you’re so invested in it but totally fair enough if anyone doesn’t fancy sharing a halls kitchen with around 10 strangers. Food is stolen, nothing gets cleaned. Grim. 2nd year when it’s a small group of likeminded close friends in a rental house is totally different.

Its a friend's DS, not your DS so up to them.

It was my worst nightmare age 18 but at least he's being honest about his own anxieties - if this is the thing that bothers him the most about leaving home, why does it matter if he finds somewhere that supports that transition?

I think it’s as valid a criteria as any. It’s a bit more of a support system. I was in catered first year - we got breakfast and dinner and lots of my memories are tied up with that. Easy socialising and see a wide range of people not just those in your flat. You bond over little silly quirks - eg we had beans every Saturday tea, husband’s halls always had spaghetti hoops - vivid memories 30 years later.

If I found out that you were bitching on a public forum about my child over a totally mundane issue you would 100% be an ex friend....

For university-owned accommodation, students have limited control over what they get; the usual process is that they list their preferences, and then they get allocated something (which might not be any of the ones they listed).
So even if he applies only to universities which have catered accommodation on offer, he might end up in self-catered accommodation anyway.

Having said that, it's up to the applicant what factors they take into account when drawing up their shortlist. DS wanted to go somewhere where the lectures / practicals would be within walking distance of the accommodation.

I was (and am) a competent cook but found catered accommodation so helpful at uni. Adjusting to living away and a big workload was hard but the catered provision made life much easier. I felt so well looked after.

Apart from it not being any of your business… he might have a rude awakening…
no cooking after night out
needing to be up early for breakfast
being fed whatever is on offer
2nd year off campus

but each to their own

Catered halls are often more sociable and many people don't want to have to think about feeding themselves on top of everything else. I don't think it's especially different to choosing a university based on a particular sport or society, and I know plenty of people who did this.

Wind your neck in.

You’re far too involved! If it was your own son then I’d maybe agree with you but it’s not so I don’t know why you’d give it a seconds thought!

When I went to uni, it was only the poor bloody kids with hovery, panicky parents who went into catered halls. 😆 she was probably mega defensive because she was pushing it so her ‘darling boy’ is fed properly.

My DD would only consider unis with ensuite bathrooms in their halls. She's now in a shared house, 5 rooms, 3 bathrooms and a extra toilet. She's the only girl and is downstairs so basically has own bathroom, although the lads girlfriends usually uses it as it's a lot cleaner lol.

See now that, is sensible.

What’s it got to do with you?

I chose my uni based on what the nearest beach was like. There are all sorts of valid reasons for filters.

It definitely provides more structure eg breakfast at set times so you need to be up and dinner times. Everyone would be back as it was included in price I can see that’s very comforting for someone away from home at 18 with hindsight.
Older sometimes stayed in halls as sort of mentors for younger ones.

Why are you bothered? Not your business!