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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting married on my first anniversary

323 replies

Savingforahome · 28/03/2023 00:12

I got married to my husband last year after many years together and a year after a major health scare which made us realise how special life is.
A close family member who was involved in my wedding announced her engagement before my wedding and I couldn't have been happier for her, she's wanted this for so long I am honestly thrilled and he is perfect for her. They went to view her perfect venue and I heard all about it, and then found out that they booked it the same date I had my wedding but the following year. So this will be on our one year anniversary. Now if it was the second year, third whatever it wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest. But to say I was hurt is an understatement. I want to spend my first anniversary with my husband. Now to make it even more awkward she asked me to be bridesmaid, and we are close family where I have to go. So I will spend half of the day no where near my husband as I will be with her.

Husband kicked off and hasn't spoken about it in months. Everyone else is acting like it isn't a big deal. It just feels like no one has thought about my feelings at all.

AIBU?

Just to clarify we will be going to the wedding, I will be bridesmaid but we will be leaving after the dinner (I have been open and honest with the bride although I think she was upset, but she understood)

OP posts:
Clymene · 28/03/2023 07:57

It wouldn't even register that it was someone else's wedding anniversary. Perhaps she'll ditch you as a bridesmaid as you certainly don't seem able to put anyone else first

Upsywavy · 28/03/2023 07:57

Weddings are a great way to celebrate- free food, probably some free alcohol, people you care about, love in the air and all that- I'd love it. You cant help how you feel I suppose but so very strange that your husband kicked off and you said to the bride about it. They probably didn't plan the day around your anniversary you know.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 28/03/2023 08:01

BIL got married in our first wedding anniversary. Didn't bother me in the slightest. Why would it? Lots of jokes about how my PiL only had one date to remember!

RedDoughnut · 28/03/2023 08:02

If this is all you have to worry about in life then you are very lucky.

Lollipop180 · 28/03/2023 08:02

Utterly ridiculous!
so if a couple are later than most of their friendship group
to get married then they have to avoid everyone else’s anniversary?
Grow up! And it would be very rude to leave early, better to show your true colours and not go at all.

msmatcha · 28/03/2023 08:04

Summerfun54321 · 28/03/2023 00:36

This is absolutely bat shit crazy.

This.

Have a word with yourself. Enjoy the wedding wholeheartedly. Do not leave early. Treat it like a romantic day with your husband, which it will be once your bridesmaid duties are over.

Get a grip.

Waterfallgirl · 28/03/2023 08:08

YABVU - the pair of you . Your relatives must think you are acting like petulant children .

IfYoureGonnaBreakMyHeart · 28/03/2023 08:10

VictorianBathroomTiles · 28/03/2023 00:16

I’d have thought being at a wedding would be a lovely way to celebrate your anniversary. Confused

This. My cousin got married on my first anniversary and it was lovely being around family. We went away the following weekend to celebrate. Can't see the problem.

CupidStuntt · 28/03/2023 08:10

Wow this is actually ridiculous, anniversaries aren't protected dates 🤣🤣

Reddickyouless · 28/03/2023 08:13

Precious much ? Get over yourself

ditalini · 28/03/2023 08:13

I'm drawing a blank at what drip feed could make this sound less batshit but have faith in the op.

Seriously, give your head a wobble.

RosaBonheur · 28/03/2023 08:14

Totally unreasonable I'm afraid OP.

Hankunamatata · 28/03/2023 08:16

Celebrate weekend before or after. Yabu

Winemeup · 28/03/2023 08:17

Do you think she booked her wedding, on your anniversary, on purpose? Just to be spiteful?

Sounds like it.

Also sounds like you are an immature twat! Get over yourself!

Singularity82 · 28/03/2023 08:19

This is so nuts I can hardly believe it’s real

Notjustabrunette · 28/03/2023 08:19

Your family are correct, thus is not a big deal. I think prospective is needed here.

AndiOliversFan · 28/03/2023 08:21

I really want to know what you’ll be doing after dinner. Can’t be going out for dinner, you’ll be full! And surely you can wait a little bit longer for your anniversary shag?

ClairDeLaLune · 28/03/2023 08:23

Please reconsider OP. This is going to really damage your relationship with your relative. Get a bit of perpective.

Bree82 · 28/03/2023 08:23

What are people meaning by ‘reverse?’
i know what the word means of course but what exactly does it refer to in this context?
sorry if I’m being stupid 😂

ClairDeLaLune · 28/03/2023 08:24

Bree82 · 28/03/2023 08:23

What are people meaning by ‘reverse?’
i know what the word means of course but what exactly does it refer to in this context?
sorry if I’m being stupid 😂

It means that the relative in the story was the one who actually wrote the OP, not the person sulking about the anniversary.

nomoremerlot · 28/03/2023 08:24

Rollerpiggy · 28/03/2023 07:54

I think it’s rubbish she has done this. It’s a huge no no to take the wedding date of a close family member or friend when there are 364 other days to choose from. In fact she is ridiculous. Yeah I’d be mad as hell, and actually I wouldn’t go for that reason.

Oh well, at least you've one YANBU OP!

RampantIvy · 28/03/2023 08:25

Bree82 · 28/03/2023 08:23

What are people meaning by ‘reverse?’
i know what the word means of course but what exactly does it refer to in this context?
sorry if I’m being stupid 😂

Quite often a poster will post as if they were the person being unreasonable to gauge responses, when in fact they are the person towards whom someone else is being unreasonable.

In this case the OP could well be the bride.

Aprilx · 28/03/2023 08:26

Bree82 · 28/03/2023 08:23

What are people meaning by ‘reverse?’
i know what the word means of course but what exactly does it refer to in this context?
sorry if I’m being stupid 😂

Sometimes people are being so ridiculous (like the OP here) that it is hard to believe that they are serious. And thus the only sensible conclusion could be that this is actually happening to them, rather than it is them. So here actually it is OP that is getting married and one of her bridesmaids is sulking because it is on her wedding anniversary day.

drpet49 · 28/03/2023 08:26

BruceAndNosh · 28/03/2023 00:16

You've been with your husband for years, you aren't traditional newlyweds

This. Massive over reaction

DarkShade · 28/03/2023 08:26

If genuine (which I doubt): Absolutely absurd. I don't know my family and friends' anniversaries and it wouldn't occur to me that they wouldn't want to be at a wedding for it, especially as a bridesmaid. What are you going to do when your wedding anniversary falls on a week day, "kick off" at your boss for scheduling a meeting?

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