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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

675 replies

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:10

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

OP posts:
Kebsta86 · 27/03/2023 22:19

BeardieWeirdie · 27/03/2023 21:13

Is there another mum on the ward you can ask to watch him while you get some food? I’d be happy to take turns. Honestly, I’d have brought a load of food with me expecting to be waiting hours - have you not seen the news recently?

So you’re such a perfect mum that you would have brought plenty of snacks… but also prepared to let a total stranger (other mum) watch your child for you. Pick a lane.

SoShallINever · 27/03/2023 22:19

Ponoka7 · 27/03/2023 21:16

You should be fed. Ask the ward manager if this is their trusts policy. The sandwiches for the patients don't last long, the Nurses grab them, but they should be able to do you toast.

How fucking dare you. 32 years in the NHS and I've never seen the nurses eat the patients food.

Danielle9891 · 27/03/2023 22:20

What time did you get to the ward? Did you miss dinner going around? When I was heavily pregnant and in slow labour i went for a walk and missed dinner so i didn't get anything till breakfast.😢

There will be a canteen somewhere or some vending machines, can you ask a nurse to sit with your child while you run and get something? You need your food.

Also ask if there is a parents kitchen with stuff for toast or tea and coffee.

I hope your little one gets well soon. I've a daughter the same age.

Hellybelly84 · 27/03/2023 22:20

If theres no vending machine, I would politely ask the nurse if they have a few minutes (I know how overstretched they are writing that), can they stay with your son whilst you run to the nearest shop. Explain your on your own with no other family to bring anything in. Most hospitals have vending machines so you do need to eat something (or you will end up ill) and im sure they will understand.

Original poster
Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 22:20

OK thanks all! The buses came.in to do obs and asked if I needed anything so i asked if there was a vending machine or shop open I could pop to to get something to eat. They said..

"No, you won't be able to leave him I'm afriad as we don't have any staff available to look after him while you go out! " wich made me feel like shit for suggesting it 😬

I asked about if the hospital feed me because I'm breastfeeding and the nurse seemed to be clueless about this (even though I was here 3 months ago when he was 17 months old for a week and fed 3 meals a day)

Then the student nurse who looked more sympathetic said she'd see if there were any sandwiches floating about and came back with one for me! So I've eaten.

So interesting that everyone seems to think I'd be able to pop out...definatly doesn't seem to be considered acceptable here. 🤔 wish it was!! Not sure on their deliveroo policy but I'll ask about that in the morning.

Clearly though I'm just very underprepaird!!! Should of brought food with me, I just thought it'd be same as last time. Looking forward to raiding the shop in the morning when dh gets here!

OP posts:
FoodieToo · 27/03/2023 22:20

OP this is awful . I wouldn't expect to be fed really when baby is on solids . But I would hope for a bit of kindness.
We had a long stay once in Dublin with one of ours . The food staff were SO kind . They used to virtually force feed us as I had no appetite with the stress !!!

I hope you get some food soon !

carly2803 · 27/03/2023 22:21

spent 3 days in once with my youngest - i did a door dash - told a nurse i needed to eat and was running to the cafe/vending machine and could she watch tot

they will if asked nicely, offer to bring something back with you (brew for them). stock up when you go/sandwich/crisps etc and snacks for little one as their sandwiches food etc isnt enough.

they should be feeding your child though

it really isnt ideal but i was also alone with a tot - hard work. Luckily during the day i had family come in so i could at least go the toilet and shower! Then go the shop and bring a carrier bag back!

depends on your trust really, ours were excellent and actually cared

Inkblue · 27/03/2023 22:21

Ask the night staff for food and something for your baby. They should be able to get a snack box for you, which is usually a sandwich, fruit and a yoghurt, something like that. The nursing staff aren’t generally involved in the food so you have to be assertive and they can request from the kitchen. I was in A&E last year and had to ask for tea and sandwich. It just didn’t occur to them I hadn’t eaten for hours. It’s rubbish as nutrition is so important in healing but also supporting you supporting your child. I hope you get something tonight.

DanceMonkey19 · 27/03/2023 22:22

Beachbreak2411 · 27/03/2023 22:02

You are not the patient. Your child is. Why should the struggling nhs feed you? It’s not a hotel

Sorry to single you out, as many other pp have said similar - but OP is not there out of choice, she is the patient's carer. She has said her child is having seizures and cannot be left alone. Whenever I've been in hospital with DC the staff have expected me to remain with them and been put out when I've said I need to nip out (to the toilet or to the shop). While I don't think all relatives should be fed as a matter of routine, I think there should be something for people in OP's position even if it's just letting them know where they can get/store food.

WimbourneWasps · 27/03/2023 22:23

Unfortunately in the trust I work In yes we feed breast feeding mums but not after 1 yr old because they're meant to be weaned by then and not constantly breast feeding.

704703hey · 27/03/2023 22:23

Hospitals vary so much - my local one's canteen would be long shut by now. It would take a 10 minute walk to get to a shop.

My only recent experience was when an elderly relative was in, I wasn't allowed a cup of tea but was fine with that. If it had been with my child I probably would have expected some sort of snack!

Hope you have got hold of something now OP.

Susurrar · 27/03/2023 22:23

Interesting how it varies by hospital. Our first overnight hospital stay was when DS was maybe 2 weeks old. I didn’t have any snacks or drinks with me. I was given plenty of water and offered several cups of tea whilst I was expressing. All the nurses were incredibly lovely and they let me use the hospital pump because my boobs were close
to exploding and I was noticeably uncomfortable. There was no food on offer though. I had no change for the vending machine. Costa croissant the following morning when DP finished work and got to hospital tasted like the best food ever.

justmewithmylifetoday · 27/03/2023 22:24

I had a completely different experience at hospital Autumn last year with my then 8 month old. I had a jug of water/squash which I could refill at will. I was provided with 3 meals a day. I wasn't breastfeeding. I didn't realize just how lucky I was and that it wasn't the norm for everyone. This was NHS too.

MotherofBingo · 27/03/2023 22:24

When my daughter was in hospital I was fed and they insisted I ate because I was my babies sole source of nutrition - they said they feed breastfeeding mums up to 12 months but after that breastmilk shouldn't be the main source or nutrition anymore. The nurses were also happy to watch my daughter (while she was sleeping in the cot) for me to go and have a coffee, or a shower or 5 minutes to gather my thoughts or get some food from somewhere. It's not ideal but your not the patient.

Nimbostratus100 · 27/03/2023 22:25

so glad you have had a sandwich

Savemyseat · 27/03/2023 22:25

So glad you got a sandwich OP, it’s stressful enough being in hospital without feeling hungry too x

Dandydendy · 27/03/2023 22:26

lol

ireallycantthinkofaname · 27/03/2023 22:26

I imagine it will vary by trust but my local only feeds patients, not relatives/visitors

weirdoboelady · 27/03/2023 22:26

Being clear though - they AREN'T required to feed you. They ARE required to provide care for your child - so surely you should be able to have him monitored for as long as it takes you to run and get something? And they BLOODY WELL SHOULD check how much nutrition your child has had, and ensure that he is nourished. (And also you should have taken more food with you today. But you know that, and we all make mistakes. Your son is asleep so it won't have hurt him to miss his supper :) )

Sartre · 27/03/2023 22:26

Kevenstinger · 27/03/2023 21:18

Not the same but I remember 20 years ago post c-section, not yet mobile, the meals were delivered to a common room and mums collected from there. I couldn’t get to the room for a full day and the nurses, as well intentioned as they were were too busy to help. Other mums all pre-occupied with their newborns, understandably. I was establishing feeding too. It felt lonely

This happened to me when I had my first child too. Expected to walk right to the other end of the ward for breakfast, wheeling my newborn along in his crib after a traumatic forceps delivery with lots of stitches. I was only 17 as well which made things worse.

As for OP, I have been in this situation too many times now with my 4 year old who gets viral induced wheeze. First time he was 16 mo and still breastfed and I was pregnant at the time too. They’ve never fed me but I have always had DH to bring me food. They are kinda shocking at feeding the children too, just always seemed to be cheese sandwiches and nothing else. I remember asking if they had fruit once and they looked at me like I had two heads.

You need to ask if they can bring you some toast or something. It isn’t even just about the fact you’re breastfeeding, more the fact you’re human and need to eat. Failing that, you’ll have to risk leaving him whilst he sleeps and go to the vending machines or hospital shop.

Tumbleweed101 · 27/03/2023 22:26

Very different situation but shortly after mum passed away in hospital the morning tea trolley came round. We asked if we could have a drink (been there overnight). Initially said no, clocked what had happened and then all of us got offered tea and a snack.

I think they are willing to help if they are aware.

WimbourneWasps · 27/03/2023 22:26

704703hey · 27/03/2023 22:23

Hospitals vary so much - my local one's canteen would be long shut by now. It would take a 10 minute walk to get to a shop.

My only recent experience was when an elderly relative was in, I wasn't allowed a cup of tea but was fine with that. If it had been with my child I probably would have expected some sort of snack!

Hope you have got hold of something now OP.

@704703hey then you need to readjust your expectations, unless you're breastfeeding a child under 1 the nhs will not provide food for you.

I don't agree with it personally as a nurse, I got a disciplinary for ordering food for the parents of a child dying from cancer. As in a written warning. I resigned not long after!

Neverplayleapfrogwithmrpipes · 27/03/2023 22:27

I had this issue a few years ago my daughter had norovirus and she couldn't keep any liquids down so had to have a tube for a few days. I stayed with her and the room was isolated as I also caught norovirus. My husband managed to bring loads of bottles of water in and some crackers but they were reluctant to let him deliver them. For 7 days I lived on bottled water and salted crackers as I couldn't leave the room to even cook some toast.

My daughter was 3 so couldn't leave her at all even if I was allowed out.

They refused to let me have any trolley food as I wasn't breastfeeding. Providing food for parents who cannot leave their kids should be a basic necessity.

RaginaPhalange · 27/03/2023 22:27

Ds was in hospital for 3/4 days and an parent meal was included at meal times.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 27/03/2023 22:27

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 22:20

OK thanks all! The buses came.in to do obs and asked if I needed anything so i asked if there was a vending machine or shop open I could pop to to get something to eat. They said..

"No, you won't be able to leave him I'm afriad as we don't have any staff available to look after him while you go out! " wich made me feel like shit for suggesting it 😬

I asked about if the hospital feed me because I'm breastfeeding and the nurse seemed to be clueless about this (even though I was here 3 months ago when he was 17 months old for a week and fed 3 meals a day)

Then the student nurse who looked more sympathetic said she'd see if there were any sandwiches floating about and came back with one for me! So I've eaten.

So interesting that everyone seems to think I'd be able to pop out...definatly doesn't seem to be considered acceptable here. 🤔 wish it was!! Not sure on their deliveroo policy but I'll ask about that in the morning.

Clearly though I'm just very underprepaird!!! Should of brought food with me, I just thought it'd be same as last time. Looking forward to raiding the shop in the morning when dh gets here!

I'm glad you have something to eat and don't feel shit about asking to leave for 5 minutes. Every hospital iv been in with my kids over the years have let you nip out or even go home to fetch stuff. I hope your little one feels better soon