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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

675 replies

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:10

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

OP posts:
SummerintheCity01 · 27/03/2023 22:04

I took my dc to A&E a few times recently and the wait was 9-10 hours each time.

The vending machines were not working, there was no water machine but I saw a small sign saying, ‘Nutrition is important. If you need food or drink, ask a nurse.’ They were so rushed off their feet, literally didn’t stop all night, that I didn’t feel I could ask. I did ask the doctor if we could go to the shop in the main building but he said no as we were waiting on blood tests for dc.

We had a bed for the night and in the morning at about 9am someone came round with a trolley offering a cup of tea and fruit.

In your case I would definitely ask.

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/03/2023 22:05

OP you need to tell them!

They will most likely find you a sandwich but failing that one of the assts will watch him for 5 mins while you pop to the cafe.

They really won’t want you to starve, but if you don’t tell them they can’t help.

Bellie710 · 27/03/2023 22:05

I was the same a few years ago, my DD was admitted for 3 days and she was in isolation as they didn't know what was wrong with her. They brought her food but I got nothing, I phoned a friend and she brought me a bag of sandwiches and snacks as there was no way I could leave DD as it was at least a 10 minute walk to the cafe and vending machines. I did get luck one day when one of the nurses brought me a sandwich but other than that nothing.

WingingIt101 · 27/03/2023 22:06

Gosh - I'm quite shocked op - I took my dd to hospital when she was about 18months old (a&e then admitted to the ward) and when the staff came through to take her meal orders they gave me two forms - one for her and one for me. I quickly said "oh goodness I'm not expecting you to feed me!" And they quipped "now now, we do children here, I've not got space for a poorly adult so you make sure you eat!"

I may have missed an update but if you don't mind sharing where you are, it seems best to accept that feeding you isn't going to be high on their priorities (not a dig at either side - just the truth of a very stretched service) and so finding alternative options seems sensible. Either another mum on the ward who can help, or have someone bring you something.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 27/03/2023 22:06

I know its rubbish but there are ways to get food. Your baby is asleep order a deliveroo, ring the buzzer and tell the hca that your just nipping to get your order from downstairs and will be back in 5 minutes

Hankunamatata · 27/03/2023 22:07

Nope. Only exclusively feeding mums are fed. Your baby is nearly 2! Get delivery or once you settled dc you nip out. I used to wait until midnight when dc was deep sleep, drive home (20mins) have a shower and get some food to take with me.

Babyroobs · 27/03/2023 22:07

I didn't even get fed when my 6 week prem baby was transferred to ITU, although this was abroad in another country. I was having to express milk to store for him for when he could start feeding. Believe it or not there was a mcDonalds in the actual childrens hospital building, so had to go there for a few days !!

rainbowssky · 27/03/2023 22:10

You poor thing.
My close friend is a nurse and she would say please ask them!

How are you to know the food rules- no one would expect you to.

It's a good job you are bf as your baby would be starving too!

You need to eat to keep your baby fed so please ask. There is probably a simple answer like a pp said and they'll get you some toast.

Grumpybutfunny · 27/03/2023 22:10

Hope little one is feeling better. You can order a delivery. Ask the nurses who they have used as some deliver to the department door 😉 our dominos driver does

Swallowedbyasnake · 27/03/2023 22:10

My 10 year old was in hospital for a few days last year. I stayed with her for the full duration, was given a very comfy camp bed to use each night and along with her was given 3 meals a day plus offered multiple cups of tea. The staff were rushed off their feet but were all absolutely lovely. With all the horror stories in the news I couldn’t believe what a great experience we had (after the 12 hour A&E wait)

difficultdifficultlemondifficult · 27/03/2023 22:11

Once admitted to a ward the patient should get three meals per day.

I don't know what the official policies are about feeding parents of child patients, but if they can't offer some kind of sandwich/toast/basic meal they should be supervising the patient for a period of time so the parent can go to the hospital cafe.

PeloMom · 27/03/2023 22:11

Can you order Deliveroo or similar? You can enter the room number and someone has to bring it up?

LumpySpaceCow · 27/03/2023 22:11

Please just speak to the nursing staff and explain the situation. Most hospitals (especially those with BFI accreditation) will provide food for BF'ing mums; or a nurse could at least watch your child whilst you grabbed something from a vending machine/restaurant. Most nurses are caring people and would hate to think that you hadn't eaten all day. Let them know your son hadn't eaten either. They should have facilities to make you and him some toast at least.
Hope he is better soon.

PogoThePunk · 27/03/2023 22:12

You can leave the ward to get something to eat you know.

RosesAndHellebores · 27/03/2023 22:12

I was fed as a bf mother bit that was before the children were weaned.

To be fair when my DC were unwell and admitted they were too ill to eat. I can't help but wonder what's wrong with your ds. Poor lad.

Can you not get some sandwiches from the cafe?

threeplusmum · 27/03/2023 22:12

kwpesi · 27/03/2023 21:51

You seem determined not to try and find a solution OP.

This. Well if she wants to starve, that's on her.

Pearfacebananapoop · 27/03/2023 22:13

I've always had to go to the cafe. Even when re admitted due to breast feeding failure causing dehydration to baby! Just ask a nurse to watch him, they will often move the crib to their workstation.

Clymene · 27/03/2023 22:13

Hospitals don't feed parents. You're not the patient.

tearsandtiaras · 27/03/2023 22:13

So when you said " im on my own" implying your a single parent what you actually meant was i have a DP and other children who could bring food in but chose not to" y

Get him to order a takeway! Stop being a victim!

Sprogonthetyne · 27/03/2023 22:13

Have you searched the parent’s kitchen? When I was in with DD there was only a kettle but they had a crate of own brand potnuddles in one of the cupboards for this situation.

Dinopawus · 27/03/2023 22:13

Was just thinking that...

Clymene · 27/03/2023 22:17

You just tell them you're going to get some food. I'm a single parent and that's what I did when my baby (much younger than yours) was in hospital.

SNWannabe · 27/03/2023 22:17

AliceMcK · 27/03/2023 22:00

No I wouldn’t expect you to be fed. I would never dream of going to A &E without plenty of snacks either. Last time I was admitted was with my 10week old baby at the time. It was the middle of the night so I had snacks and formula. In the morning I just told the nurses I needed someone to stay with my baby while I went to the shop & stocked up on food. I didn’t give them a choice, I needed to eat and pee and she was only 10 weeks old and couldn’t be left alone so they needed to stay with her.

Funnily enough in an emergency with a fitting child, having time to pack a picnic and. 3 course meal isn't always a parent's first instinct.

hellodarknessmyoldfriend22 · 27/03/2023 22:18

Pretty sure they only feed mum if baby is exclusively bf. So they probably won't feed you.
They should clearly be feeding him though - maybe it was missed if you were off having tests?

Frogdoglog · 27/03/2023 22:18

Been stuck in this situation so many times, my dd is older now but because of all
the experiences she has had in hospitals she is absolutely terrified of hospitals and drs/nurses so she gets hysterical if I try and leave her. She never sleeps when she is in hospital either because of the medication they give her so I can’t even sneak out at night. I do try and keep an emergency bag at home with cereal bars etc in it but last few times she has been admitted by ambulance not from home.

The only savour at our children’s ward is the extra meals that get delivered for kids who have since been discharged, which the staff offer out to parents. my dd eats very little when she’s poorly so I can also eat what she leaves. Staff also do a couple of tea and coffee rounds for parents a day but not regularly, I guess it’s just if they have time which is understandable and it’s always a nice surprise when they appear.