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AIBU?

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Original poster

Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

675 replies

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:10

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

OP posts:
Nosleepforthismum · 27/03/2023 22:28

Honestly, just chat to one of the nurses. When my DS was in for a week in December I used to wait until he’d fallen asleep and I’d walk to the main reception desk in the ward and just tell them he’d fallen asleep and would they mind keeping an eye for 10 minutes while I nipped down to the hospital shop for a sandwich etc. it was never a problem but it wasn’t something that was offered so you do need to be a bit ballsy with asking.

704703hey · 27/03/2023 22:28

Oh that's good you got a sandwich! Sorry, I missed that. At least your partner will be there in the morning and best wishes for little one

NewNovember · 27/03/2023 22:30

londonrach · 27/03/2023 21:15

No. Your DC is the patient not you. At least that's my local hospital. Is there food you can buy onsite

Not true if you are breastfeeding

mincedtart · 27/03/2023 22:30

I’m not sure I understand the breastfeeding thing? I’ve breastfed without dinner many times, not something I’ve ever enjoyed but my boobs didn’t just dry up immediately.

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 27/03/2023 22:30

I’m shocked that a hospital is not willing to care for your child without you there for 10 minutes. How can that possibly be acceptable?

704703hey · 27/03/2023 22:31

WimbourneWasps · 27/03/2023 22:26

@704703hey then you need to readjust your expectations, unless you're breastfeeding a child under 1 the nhs will not provide food for you.

I don't agree with it personally as a nurse, I got a disciplinary for ordering food for the parents of a child dying from cancer. As in a written warning. I resigned not long after!

Show quote history

Yikes, that's a bit harsh of them

JenniferBooth · 27/03/2023 22:32

it IS their job to look after your child while you go and get something to eat Do you do Twitter OP?

arethereanyleftatall · 27/03/2023 22:32

@NewNovember
I guess a line must be drawn somewhere with breastfeeding. Bf a newborn is worlds apart from a toddler on 3 meals plus snacks a day plus bf.

Nosleepforthismum · 27/03/2023 22:32

Oh gosh, sorry OP just seen your latest update. That’s appalling they said that but I’m pleased you’ve at least had a sandwich.

TurnipsMyArse · 27/03/2023 22:32

It was the same 18 years ago when my DC was a baby. I also remember the struggle of leaving him alone on the ward to go for a wee in case he climbed out of the cot.

It’s so hard.

I hope your LO will soon be on the mend

Karen398 · 27/03/2023 22:33

Wow this is completely different to my experience of hospital stays with my dc, admittedly 10 years ago. The rainbow ward in Margate couldn't have been nicer , no we didn't get meals as such but the parents room was stocked with bread, cuppasoups etc. I only had to say if I was popping out to the restaurant or shop

HoppingPavlova · 27/03/2023 22:33

Not the way it works, plus you can’t have both ways, meals for your child and meals for you. The intent with feeding breastfeeding mums is their child is not eating meals.

At our children’s hospitals parents are not fed, irrespective of breastfeeding or not. I do know of two private general hospitals with paeds wards (not public children’s hospitals), where mums are given meals if breastfeeding but there is some weird permutation to it like all meals with babies up to 6 months and then just dinner if baby is up to 12 months and then nothing if baby is over 12 months irrespective of breastfeeding, or something like that.

There must be food somewhere in the hospital you can have. It seems strange there is a hospital with no food whatsoever. I have worked in a lot of hospitals and have never come across this. Maybe go to the area around A&E, there’s usually a vending machine with crisps etc.

WimbourneWasps · 27/03/2023 22:33

@NewNovember only true if you're breastfeeding a child under 1 year old. You won't get treated as a patient if your baby is 14 months old.. the nhs expects babies over 1 to not have their main nutrition from their mother but from the food.

Not saying I agree it's just how it is

ComeOnNumber100 · 27/03/2023 22:34

I’d have had DH drop some food in even if it required a family outing.

Presumably you have needed the loo, what did you do then?

thegreylady · 27/03/2023 22:34

Our local hospital will provide a simple meal for £2.50 for someone staying with a patient over a meal time. Last week I was given a sausage roll, mash and a small salad when I was with dh. What you get depends on the surplus from the kitchen.

Jennybeans401 · 27/03/2023 22:35

They're not obliged to feed you but there should a system (for humanity's sake) where you pay for food on the ward. It's disgusting that you're in this situation.

tweedledee12 · 27/03/2023 22:35

Perhaps an Uber Eats delivery? They deliver to the ward IME

Jellycatspyjamas · 27/03/2023 22:36

My DD11 was in hospital last year for planned surgery, I had taken food in but she ended up staying an extra night. I was given an evening meal, the nurses brought me a cup of tea and some toast for supper. The hospital was marvellous both in the care she received and their consideration of me. It appalling that they won’t even keep an eye out so you can go and buy something.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/03/2023 22:37

We had a long stay once in Dublin with one of ours . The food staff were SO kind . They used to virtually force feed us as I had no appetite with the stress !!!

Yes, I found that too. Were you in Crumlin? The nurses there brought me toast with butter and jam and a mug of tea in A&E to my surprise. Then when DS was admitted overnight I got dinner and breakfast. I work in the NHS and the comparison was interesting.

Mumof1andacat · 27/03/2023 22:37

I work in the children's department in a large hospital. Meals are provided for the patients only. Not the parents. There just is not enough money to feed both. I read some where that there is less money spent on feeding patients than those in prision. On some of the wards are parent kitchens where other parents and charities will keep a stock of food that parents can have. I know there is a vending machine near the children's wards and at our hospital there are a number of places to eat and a couple of shops open. Some are 24hrs.

Canyousewcushions · 27/03/2023 22:38

One of my friends had managed to get takeaway delivered to a ward when she was in- would deliveroo work?

I have every empathy, I've also been stuck in hospital with a breast fed baby and unable to feed myself- older children meant my DH couldn't help and nurses were too busy. I did manage to persuade the nurses to let me take the baby off the ward to go to the MnS in the lobby once she was off IV antibiotics. I got my husband to bring in a MASSIVE bag of filling snacks and tins of iced coffee (no hot drinks allowed either) when he could visit the next day and managed on that until we could leave. It wasn't fun though- the system just isn't geared up for an adult who doesn't have lots of relatives locally to help, bring supplies and give the caring parent a few minutes of break.

BogRollBOGOF · 27/03/2023 22:39

The NHS can be pretty shit at feeding actual patients.

I had a false labour so missed the main meal at lunchtime, and they kept me in and transferred to antenatal ward when the contractions died down. It didn't occur to them that there was no reason to still be refusing food by evening time so I ended up having to ask for food. I ended up with a disgusting sandwich with unchewable bread so basically ended up going 24 hours on a handful of cheese at 39 weeks pregnant. This was 10 years ago.
12 years ago before austerity kicked in, they'd happily have left me to go 20 hours without food on post-natal ward because I couldn't walk my SPD ridden body down to the dayroom even before the long labour, EMCS, and complications that had resulted in being in HDU and off my feet for 48 hours. It seemed to be a great cognitive challenge that I hadn't been able to walk that far for the past 2 months.

The NHS treats food like a nice optional extra, not an essential part of health and recovery.

Bournetilly · 27/03/2023 22:40

You might be breastfeeding but your son also eats food, he gets the meals because he is the patient.

artimesiasfootsteps · 27/03/2023 22:41

This thread is terribly depressing. What country doesn’t feed a breast feeding mother when their child is in hospital? Glad plans are in motion to move back to my home country with a functioning health system.

Mum23amazingkids · 27/03/2023 22:41

Wow what hospital is that ? Here in Scotland parents get feed and even my partner got feed when I was a few hours waiting to be seen during pregnancy. Literally they constantly offer you drinks and sandwiches and at meal times they ask what we want from a few menu choices .
you should be feed , those saying no are being ridiculous! They only allow one parent so what is that parent suppose to run on , water ?