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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

675 replies

Elephantinthemoon · 27/03/2023 21:10

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

OP posts:
Butteryflakycrust83 · 28/03/2023 11:23

I also second having a grab bag - I learnt the hard way after taking DD into a and e as a baby without a change bag - DD had nappy rash and an upset stomach and they had no nappies in her size or cream. I also was dying of thirst in the hot waiting room. No watercooler - atrocious. I sent a lengthy feedback email to PALS as to how impractical a children a and e waiting room was.

PopsicleHustler · 28/03/2023 11:46

@Elephantinthemoon honestly disgusted by these responses. And the fact your toddler has zilch to eat! Appalling. If I knew you myself I would go through the roof and bring you and the child a bag to see you through.

The way I see it, if a parent is staying with their child in a hospital ward and granted a bed whilst under the care, they should provide mother meals too. In Winchester they do this!!!!

Poor kid and poor you!!!! Ita not so easy to have an epileptic kid and walk 30 mins to the cafe in a multi level hospital. My local hospital is vast but yours sounds massive. There are cafes and a couple little shops, but each one is within 5 mins walk of everything....

Keep on at them for food !!!! They should be doing something. Its not difficult to arrange a tuna sandwich, a banana and a jug of water.

PopsicleHustler · 28/03/2023 11:47

@Butteryflakycrust83 unreal. Sorry you went through that. How is your baby now?

fainallyhere · 28/03/2023 11:51

This reply has been deleted

We don't believe that this was posted in good faith.

Newpuppymummy · 28/03/2023 11:53

No you don’t get fed. I am single mum have been in hospital for extended periods with my daughter before.
You can ask the nurse to keep an eye on him for 10 minutes and pop to the on-site shop. Or you can do an Uber eats to the entrance of the hospital

Dinosaurus86 · 28/03/2023 11:57

SchoolTripDrama · 27/03/2023 23:15

Which proves beyond doubt that they categorically shouldn't be breast fed at that age imo

Show quote history

How exactly does this prove that my 15 month old shouldn’t be breastfed? Surely it’s better that he has some form of nutrition when ill? I do believe the WHO recommend breastfeeding for much longer.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 28/03/2023 11:58

This reply has been deleted

We don't believe that this was posted in good faith.

What an appalling policy!

Butteryflakycrust83 · 28/03/2023 11:59

PopsicleHustler · 28/03/2023 11:47

@Butteryflakycrust83 unreal. Sorry you went through that. How is your baby now?

A thriving toddler! We ended up back in a and e a week later and I had a backpack of provisions.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 28/03/2023 12:10

When my old mum was dying in hospital I sat with her for a week night and day. No one gave me a so much as a cup of tea but the nurses looked at me in horror when I occasionally left mum to buy some food. Even a grieving daughter can't go for a full week without food or drink.

MrsAvocet · 28/03/2023 12:20

I think you have had some harsh responses @Elephantinthemoon
My DS who has longterm health conditions is nearly grown up, but when he was little I had similar experiences. For planned admissions I always took my own food for us both, but emergency admissions were difficult. Once he was transferred to a specialist centre and I ended up in a city where I knew literally no-one with only the clothes I stood up in and my work bag - which fortuitously contained a bar of chocolate and a can of diet coke. I lived on that, plus whatever DS didn't eat of his meals for 3 days. DH was at home, over 100 miles away looking after our other children and DS became very distressed if I so much as went to the toilet, so getting someone to bring me stuff was impossible and going to shop for myself (even if I had known where to go) was completely impractical. In our local hospital the shop has a trolley that comes round the wards with newspapers etc once a day so at least you can buy chocolate and crisps from that but this massive city hospital didn't even have that.
Food for DS himself has generally been very poor in hospital too as he has a lot of dietary restrictions due to his condition and some other unrelated allergies. There is frequently nothing on the menu he can have. There was an absolutely classic moment when he was first diagnosed and the dietician had been that day and given me really detailed instructions about his diet, including that we must completely eliminate dairy, even hidden dairy in processed foods. Then a couple of hours later he had a lunch bag plonked in front of him containing a cheese sandwich and a yoghurt. From then on, I took my own food whenever possible.
But it isn't always possible and being in hospital with a sick child and unable to take basic care of yourself is horrible. I appreciate the NHS is very stretched and I wouldn't expect free food, but the option to buy at least basics without leaving the ward, either from a trolley or vending machine, would be sensible. And it is not at all unreasonable to expect safe and nutritious food to be available for the children themselves.

slowquickstep · 28/03/2023 12:30

Hospitals are a nightmare at the moment. My poor Dad was in for 3 months before he died, every single day i had to find him water, insist on him being offered a meal and search high and low for a cup of tea for him. The standard of care was appalling from all but one nurse. Too many nurses stood around the nurses station drinking tea and eating chocolates, my Dads room was straight across from the nurses station i watched one nurse stand there chatting ( about her holiday for well over an hour. Please do not tell me they don't have time to bring a baby some food.

Ktime · 28/03/2023 12:30

honestly disgusted by these responses. And the fact your toddler has zilch to eat! Appalling. If I knew you myself I would go through the roof and bring you and the child a bag to see you through.

He hasn't had zilch to eat. He had a sandwich last night and breakfast this morning, albeit after chasing.

Dinoboymama · 28/03/2023 12:33

Comedycook · 27/03/2023 21:35

This thread has made me think...food aside, what would a single mum with multiple kids and no one to look after them do? Leave their child in hospital? Bring the others with her?

When my eldest was admitted late at night they let my youngest and me stay he was discharged the next day thankfully but don't think it's common practice.

They fed all of us toast in the morning.

Worthless1 · 28/03/2023 12:41

When my son was in hospital a few days, patents got a voucher for 20% discount in the restaurant. We could bring food back to the ward. They can't expect you to not eat for days. Can't you tell them you're popping out for 10 mins to grab some dinner to being back to the ward?

SpreadableCheeseOnEverything · 28/03/2023 12:52

There is a lot of talk on here about not being 'allowed' to leave wards. I certainly would not let a medical professional tell me I wasn't 'allowed' to do something. I would tell them that I was going to buy some food and would be away from my child for 20 mins.

MrsAvocet · 28/03/2023 13:01

I also think some of the posters who are castigating the OP for not being more proactive maybe don't understand quite how stressful this kind of situation is.
I am no shrinking violet and I now know that I am better informed about my son's rare condition than most of the HCPs we see outside the specialist centre, and quite a few of those in it. I have absolutely no issue advocating for him now. (Not that he needs it now, he'll soeak up for himself.) But when he was little, very unwell and I didn't understand what was going on I was scared. I felt intimidated in this huge hospital in a city that I didn't know, with a child who was clearly very sick and upset. Looking back I sometimes ask myself why I didn't challenge certain things and insist on basic stuff like food that he could eat, but basically I felt incredibly vulnerable. I have put up with some complete shit as a patient myself too - completely out of character for me when I am well - but you often feel and behave differently when you are ill or your child is and something that might seem very simple when you are outside of a situation is not necessarily so when you are right in it.

704703hey · 28/03/2023 13:02

Has DH dropped food off now OP?

Glitteratitar · 28/03/2023 13:05

You should still take snacks with you OP. DS is 2 and still breastfed, and I always get fed when we’re in hospital, so I would also have that expectation. However, you never know how long you will be on A&E for so you need to have snacks for the both of you.

One time they didn’t have a bed available so we were kept for an entire day and I would have starved if I didn’t pack snacks.

We have to go to A&E at short notice regularly, and we are now in the routine of make sure changing bag has nappies and spare set of clothes, and packing wipeable toys, water for the both of us and snacks for the both of us.

Mum23amazingkids · 28/03/2023 13:13

The people excusing this are part of the issue ! No mum or dad caring for their child should be without food while with their child . No excuses ! Instead we have people saying the op is selfish and stupid because she needs to order deliveroo and abandon her child with nurses that clearly do not have bay to care for this baby ! What is wrong with people ! None of this is in any way acceptable , yes nhs is in an awful situation but tolerating this low delivery of basic care and needs will not help bring it back to a good standard .
Honestly op I’m not sure where you are but I would be bringing you food if you where close , because people on this thread seem to be forgetting some won’t have money for deliveroo or even to eat these days and guess what their children get poorly too !
when you are back home please think about actually writing to your nhs trust and hospital and ask them how can you care for your child with so much lack of basics ? How are children getting better with their parents getting poorly ?
Please ignore those blaming you for thsi horrendous lack of nhs care . It’s like people are actually defending a 3 rd world country health standard

Ktime · 28/03/2023 13:25

Mum23amazingkids · 28/03/2023 13:13

The people excusing this are part of the issue ! No mum or dad caring for their child should be without food while with their child . No excuses ! Instead we have people saying the op is selfish and stupid because she needs to order deliveroo and abandon her child with nurses that clearly do not have bay to care for this baby ! What is wrong with people ! None of this is in any way acceptable , yes nhs is in an awful situation but tolerating this low delivery of basic care and needs will not help bring it back to a good standard .
Honestly op I’m not sure where you are but I would be bringing you food if you where close , because people on this thread seem to be forgetting some won’t have money for deliveroo or even to eat these days and guess what their children get poorly too !
when you are back home please think about actually writing to your nhs trust and hospital and ask them how can you care for your child with so much lack of basics ? How are children getting better with their parents getting poorly ?
Please ignore those blaming you for thsi horrendous lack of nhs care . It’s like people are actually defending a 3 rd world country health standard

Stop lying. Not ONE person has called OP stupid or selfish.

OP's DS has been fed last night and this morning. The NHS is on its knees, to expect it to provide 3 free meals a day for parents of child patients is unrealistic. Most people have said the hospital should have the ability or parents to purchase food.

Glitteratitar · 28/03/2023 13:30

Ktime · 28/03/2023 13:25

Stop lying. Not ONE person has called OP stupid or selfish.

OP's DS has been fed last night and this morning. The NHS is on its knees, to expect it to provide 3 free meals a day for parents of child patients is unrealistic. Most people have said the hospital should have the ability or parents to purchase food.

Show quote history

My hospital doesn’t. My hospital is in the middle of no where, with only a Costa that closes at 5pm on weekdays and 2pm on weekends. The last time we had to visit A&E we went in the middle of the night on the weekend and DS was critically ill so I was holding him as they were treating him. I could finally put him down at 3pm, 12 hours after we arrived. As I’m breastfeeding, they fed me once we transferred to the ward but if that wasn’t an option, I would have been screwed.

Ktime · 28/03/2023 13:32

@Glitteratitar and I'm glad you were fed, but I don't think it should be expected as a matter of course.

Mum23amazingkids · 28/03/2023 13:35

Ktime · 28/03/2023 13:25

Stop lying. Not ONE person has called OP stupid or selfish.

OP's DS has been fed last night and this morning. The NHS is on its knees, to expect it to provide 3 free meals a day for parents of child patients is unrealistic. Most people have said the hospital should have the ability or parents to purchase food.

Show quote history

Actually they have maybe read back . And once more you are part of the problem ! No excuses for lack of humanity ! The nhs is on its knees because people do not fight for better , hence are part of the problem . Complain , be heard , make a stand , do not just accept it’s ok that how it is now .

NeverApologiseNeverExplain · 28/03/2023 13:40

But the real issue here is not that hospitals/the NHS can’t afford to feed parents -that’s not surprising.

The issue is that hospitals are not well enough staffed to enable parents to leave their child’s bedside to buy food. When a parent asks to do this they are told that the staff require them to stay in order to care for the child, and the attitude is that it was unreasonable of the parent to ask.

Ktime · 28/03/2023 13:42

Mum23amazingkids · 28/03/2023 13:35

Actually they have maybe read back . And once more you are part of the problem ! No excuses for lack of humanity ! The nhs is on its knees because people do not fight for better , hence are part of the problem . Complain , be heard , make a stand , do not just accept it’s ok that how it is now .

Show quote history

Can you quote a single instance of someone calling OP stupid or selfish?