Aren't hospital supposed to feed me??

[Elephantinthemoon]

Came to A&E this morning with my 1 year old, got here for 10am. He's very poorly and we were quickly told we'd be in overnight. I expected this so I'd brought an overnight bag but only a few snacks for baby, and his water bottle nothing for myself and no meals. I'm on my own so couldn't carry a lot and based on previous experience thought I'd be fed in the hospital because I'm breastfeeding?

I am on my own, and have no one who can bring me food or anything.

We spent 7 hrs in a&e waiting to be taken to the ward. Absolute nightmare and he got through his snacks very fast (crisps, cheese, Ella bar) but I was hopeful we'd be taken to the ward "soon".

At 4pm I finally got a bit fed up and asked the nurse if he could be given something to eat. Other than his snacks he'd not eaten anything since breakfast at 8am. He'd skipped lunch because we were stuck in a & e.

Tbh the nurse seemed really shocked I was asking like I'd not brought him anything? But thing is i just hadn't expected to.be waiting so long! I thought we'd be put on a ward and he'd be fed there. Anyway she did manage to "find" him a sandwich but I wasn't offered anything.

At 6pm we were finally transferred to a room on a ward but it didn't even have water in it. I have now asked for water.

I'm breastfeeding and when we were last in hospital overnight (at christmas) I'd been fed once on the ward because of this. So this was my expectation again. However no one has mentioned this this time (they have seen me breastfeeding him) and I've felt too awkward to ask because he's really unwell and I feel like either sounds selfish for me to just want to know if I can have food for myself!! Plus he's 20 months so not exactly a newborn so I'm not sure I still should be fed 🤔

So basically...I've not eaten since 9am this morning. I can't go to the cafe or shop in the hospital because I can't leave my 1 year old on his own. He's not in a fit state to come with me.

I'd of thought there'd atleast be a vending machine?! But I've checked and nothing.

How do single mums do this? Not everyone has relatives who are willing to bring food in!! And for the record I can't believe they don't feed ALL mums who have a poorly baby in hospital. Breastfeeding or not. It's honestly hard enough having a sick baby without also going without food until god knows when.

Thankfully my partner will be able to visit tomorrow but not until lunch time so I'm in for a very long time running on water only.

But it's just the reality of working on wards where patients lack capacity. They need to be better staffed so that they can provide care for all patients. Like I said this ward did it brilliantly their was consultants, junior drs, nurses, nurse students, hcsw, volunteers (age uk), cleaners, my personal favourite the tea lady 😍. They all worked really hard and worked as a team there was always a minimum of one member of staff in my room 24/7. I understand this isn't practical for most wards but wards where extra care is needed like geriatric and pediatrics this should be the norm. As a parent can't be expected to be there 24/7 to the point they can't even shower or fetch food. They still need to be able to meet their own basic needs.

I think you should talk to PALS today. Understaffing is a problem, but orientation information for the children's ward should be able to be provided that gives important details like when the meals are, what alternatives are possible, what parents can and can't do. Perhaps as a printed or downloadable leaflet?

This 100% its the only way change will happen

What stopped you from asking last night - "what time and where is breakfast as I know he'll be hungry? "

You're very passive, just sat waiting... and waiting.... and waiting. Start acting as your child's advocate.

I speak as a parent that has spent a combined 3 months in hospital with my child over 2 years. I've never been fed but during those long stays could leave stuff in the fridge for myself. Deliveroo was also my friend.

Some on here seem to forget the state of the NHS. With limited staff they need to be looking after the patients not feeding the parents.

Each trip to hospital for us (either long stay or A&E has involved a bag of food - few small boxes of cereal, flask of milk, breadsticks, sucky yoghurts and those bottles of Weetabix.

OP you’re getting a hard time. I agree with you, they shouldn’t have missed your son and that’s awful.

Seems that different hospitals must have different policies - I was in for 5 days with my (then) slmost 3 year old and was fed 3 meals a day. Thinking about it maybe it was due to covid as I wasn't allowed to leave the room (unless to loo) or even have visitors - her dad couldnt see her the entire time or we'd habe to permanently swap places. Sent me stir crazy.
Also as others have suggested to OP - no I didn't pack snacks etc as in the panic of having an unwell child you're not really thinking straight.
I was also in for 6 days after giving birth to my eldest as she was admitted to NICU. The meals then were pretty sporadic as i was often out of the room in NICU and didn't twig the breakfast was self service for a while.

Of course it's not the hospital's job to feed the family of the patient in there. But I guess when it goes over a certain amount of hours... say over 8-9 hours in there, (especially if it's someone with their child and they can't leave them,) I certainly think that they should think about offering food.

When I was in hospital some years ago, having my first child, my husband was with me (for 20 hours before they decided to do an emergency section,) and they did feed him. I didn't really feel like any food to be honest with you, but they gave him something to eat every four or five hours. (Cooked meals twice!) Really looked after him. It was 25 plus years ago, and they obviously don't do it anymore

Certainly if parents with an ill child are there there more than 8 to 10 hours and they know they're going to be in there overnight, it does seem quite inconsiderate to not offer something. Even if it's just a four pack of chocolate cookies, a coffee, a bag of crisps, or a cereal bar. Offer them something FGS.

I think it's odd your DH couldnt' bring you food. His wife and child are in hospital and he has to wfh? Surely it's an emergency. And with the other kids he could bring them couldn't he if noone could watch them.
Also, can't you order takeaway to the hospital? I feel like I've seen that happen often.

Re your son, yes they should of coruse be feeding him, and if he's not being fed you should not feel bad raising that. I don't think it's helpful sitting around stewing on it though, I would have asked earlier.

DD was in hospital for four days when she was younger. Like OP, I'd grabbed some snacks but had no expectation hospital would feed me. Hospital did say that if DD didn't eat her main meal, I'd be welcome to have it. Unfortunately, the food was disgusting (worst I've had in hospital), and neither she nor myself could eat it. I left her when I knew they were doing ward rounds (so at least there were trusted adults around if she really did have a problem), went to hospital shop and bought sandwiches, fruit, drinks and snacks.

And while I get your frustration re your food, if they won't even have a nurse to watch your son for 10 mins while you grab a sandwich, I'd imagine they don't have the time of staff to arrange food for you. In any case they got you a sandwhich when you asked, I am not sure what else you want. I think with the NHS is you got to speak up, you can't just sit around getting annoying and waiting to be waited on. It's a hospital, not a cafe.

Oh I never noticed the DH bit! Yeah, your husband should really have brought something in @Elephantinthemoon There must have been SOME point where he could get to you.

Honestly read OPs post - he was home with their other DC. I'm sure he would have come if he could rather than see his wife starve.

Nah, with the time she has been in there, there's no way he couldn't have popped by with some food. From the OP's original post I thought she was completely alone/single mother.

He could have taken the DC with him. He didn't need to go into the ward, but could have dropped a bag at the ward. A child at home is not really a reason, unelss there is a massive drip feed that means that child cannot leave the house.

To everyone saying that she isn't the patient so they don't need to feed her ... they aren't letting her leave!

If it was a teenager and she could leave and go to the canteen etc of course they shouldn't feed her. If its a 1yo and they are willing to stay with child while she goes to cantern etc then no, don't need to feed her. But if they're saying they won't provide food and they won't let her leave to get some wtf is she actually supposed to do?!?

I'd contact PALs and explain everything to them. They're not feeding your child, they're not letting you go feed yourself.

They did provide food for her when she asked. They gave her what they had which was a sandwich. What they didn't do was offer her anything, but like others have said as she is not a patient they shouldn't really be expected to and OP needs to speak up.

The OP can leave the ward. Wards are not set up to require parents to hold a 24/7 bedside vigil. I understand why the OP doesn’t want to leave, but from the nurses’ perspective her insistence on not leaving her son safe in bed is probably a bit confusing/annoying.

If you read the post the nurse actually said no to both feeding her and her going to find food, it was the student nurse that then went looking for a sandwich. They also didn't feed either of them anything this morning until OP pushed and they gave the baby some toast.

Pretty sure the OP asked about popping out to get a sandwich and the nurse said no, she needed to stay with her child.

If you read OPs posts, the nurses actually told her she cannot leave as they don't have the staff to watch him themselves!

What stopped me is that I've been in hospital loads of times and every time I've been fed (due to breastfeeding, i was told, not my decision - theres). And I know what times breakfast comes so I didn't have to ask. 8am! And asking last night wouldn't change that we were forgotten today. I waited till 9 because I thought it must be late. Then at 9.30 I asked. I'm not sure what people expect me to.do? Be queuing at the desk at 8am on the dot demanding toast? I'm not the only one in here!!

Why do people keep saying I've not asked. I'm baffled by this. I HAVE ASKED SEVERAL TIMES FOR FOOD. And yes, eventually i was brought some for my son. And yes, as a favour I was brought a sandwich last night but the fact remains its now 11am and that's all.ive eaten since yesterday morning!! And 3 months ago I stayed in hospital with my son and I was fed so it's a confusing message. That's the only reason I didn't bring food with me. Because my experience told me I didn't need to.

Honestly If I was posting on here that my breakfast was 10 mins late so I complained, I'd be shot down and told to be patient!!!

We've been up with lights on and door open since 7am so I really cannot fathom how we've been missed?!

You shouldn't have to, but I would have checked to see if others had been served breakfast and then I would have chased.

Ew, holibobs.

Hospital staff are there to treat your child, not to feed you. Believe it or not we can all survive without food for a day or two. Yes I know that you are breastfeeding, you've mentioned it several times.

That's the only reason I didn't bring food with me. Because my experience told me I didn't need to.

Surely you didn't have time to get food because you were going to A+E?

I really don't think hospitals should be providing 3 meals a day to carers, but they should provide ability for you to purchase food.

Gosh, people are being real dickheads on this thread.

There needs to be an explanation to parents on the process of leaving the ward to get food if it's not provided.

OP - ask DH to bring you in a bag of supplies or even a cooler box with some sandwiches and drinks and snacks as well as some basic hygiene stuff.